hello, 

First, I haven’t been diagnosed with ptsd but I felt joining a support group would help! I want to tell my story; I am 25 years old girl from PA and I feel like I was put into situations I never should of been placed in.. It started at 15 years old.. I got involved with a guy and got pregnant at 15 years old ( I had no idea how to get pregnant) the man whom his the father was very mentally abusive and very controlling ( yes I was in high school) I broke down one day and decided to end it after our son was born.. the situation never got easier.. he would show up and just walk into my home and throw our sons clothes out in the rain or throw stuff at my home.. meanwhile at home my life was about to be flipped.. growing up until 14 years my life was normal.. when I hit around 14 my mother was nasty to me calling me a “bad mom” or a “whore” and sometimes she got physical.. while all this went on she was having an affair and she left the home giving no warnings but I come home from school and almost everything in the home was gone.. fast forward she was play games and come around and leave and then she told me and my father we went aloud to know where she went ( we found out).. I could never understand why she always picked on me.. I ended up finding some pretty nasty personal items in a hiding spot in her car and I confronted my father ( her husband) and he confirmed everything.. fast forward my sister ended up getting into drugs and while I thought things would be ok I found out my dad was using also! My dad was my #1 support the person who never judged me.. one day for whatever reason he commited suicide ( shot himself) and unfortunately I answered the door when the cops showed up when they found his body ( he did it in his truck) and they said “ we don’t clean up messes” and we were given his truck back and YES blood and all was still inside and my mother told us kids we MUST see the scene in his truck and again, who does that? To this day any movies, tv, and in real life anything that is similar to a gun shot or suicide sends me into this “mood” where I truly feel like everything around me went into slow motion and I can only focus on that day I got to see the aftermath of a suicide and even seeing the same truck as his sends me into a panic but NOT as bad.. sometimes I feel like the person who I truly am is lost and I’m looking for her. I’ve let this bother me so much and I’ve kept everything bottled up until recently when I broke down to my husband after we watched a tv show and the actor had shot herself and I went into full panic.. there’s so much left out of this story but it would be so much to write! I want to feel better and close that chapter of my life but some days (most days) I feel trapped!