I visited my family thus past week. Conflict arose that first day I was there. My mom and sisters were out in the city. My dad was elsewhere but had gotten back to the house and forgot his keys. My mom and sisters and I had to get back to the house in a timely manner to let him in. However it was taking a while to get back. He called us to see were being more upset and angry with us as he waited. My dad has serious angry issues. The time came when we were in our neighborhood and I called him. He treaten me with saying he will relatate against me and the rest of my family for keeping him waiting. I grew up with verbal abuse and emotional abuse from my parents especially from my dad. I also had sexual abuse from babysistter. I was triggered when he talked to me. I addressed my sister's and mom and said how he talked to me is not right. My mom said agressively that you need to deal with his behavior because she does herself. I responded back saying that it is still not okay. She said some more rough things to me. I was in the passager sit while my younger sister was driving. I wanted to kill myself so I tried to throw myself out the car. My mom said to not mess up my sister's car. I got even more upset and yelled at my mom that you cares more about my sister's car then me. This was not the first time this happen. I tried falling out the car to kill myself. By the time we pulled up to the driveway my dad stand there I was in a breakdown. I told my father raising my voice at him that how we talks to me is not right. I was in the middle of the street. He said let a car kill me he does not care if I die. I wanted to die then but no car was in the street at this time. My mom was mad at me and just ignored me. My sister's tried to calm me down. I was a nervous wreck that night. I ended up taking a prayer walk that night and called a prayer line. I am a believer in Jesus Christ. This happen beginning of the week. I had forgiven them and moved on from this. But I was fooling myself I been drinking a whole bottle of wine while I was at my parents house. Now I am dissociating and checking out numbed. I am frozen inside. It is empty in my heart especially in my fatherhood as God as the father. It has  been hard to connect to God. I need prayer. I do not know what to do with myself. I do not want to loathe in self pit. On the other hand I am not doing good. It is PSTD I believe is going on.