We are now at a complete loss as to where to turn to for help. Dd point blank refuses to have anything to do with the adolescent mental health team (she says that they are like robots filling out their forms and have no desire to connect with the individual they are meant to be helping). The psychiatrist we hoped to see this week is away for two months. Dd needs something this week. All she does is sleep (but not at night), cry and push herself through the day. Things she is usually passionate about she struggles to do. I know that this is depression, but she also has the zoning out, flashbacks etc. It scares me. I have never been good at dealing with people problems. I'd rather solve a maths problems or practical problem, if that makes sense.

Will try and talk with dd's counsellor tomorrow to see if she can recommend someone to go to. Will try our family doctor first up and go from there. We need something. I hate seeing a once enthusiastic, determined and capable child struggling to make it through the basics of life. This is robbing her of so much and it sucks big time (yes, this is a universal expression!). Of course this is affecting youngest dd too who has her own problems to deal with.

Forgive me, but it sounds like you are part of the problem.

You didn't know your son was sexually abusing your daughters??? Really? Not one red flag? How about them begging to go to school and get out of the house?

You kept them home due to YOUR fears; not theirs.

Don't even go there about using the Autism excuse.

Why did you home school, anyway? You felt you knew more than professional educators?

No wonder she doesn't trust adults- her first experience with them was with you, and you failed her.

Back to your OP, she may be losing chunks of time to deal with the anger. Has she ever gotten mad at you for not being her protector? Has she ever told her brother how mad she is for him ruining her?

Maybe she needs to go to some recovery place to be away from her family that did her so much wrong.

Sorry for being so blunt. I normally am not like this, but if after reading your posts *I* am this angry, can you imagine HER rage??? She needs intense help. So do you. And your son.

Where's Dad in all this, BTW?

DeliAnnem

You are way out of line. I don't need your blame. Yes, I've made mistakes, but going back over that is not going to help anyone or change anything. You really have no idea do you? Let's hope that you are never in this situation. You obviously never have been or you wouldn't dump the stuff you are doing.

We're hurting enough as it is, and people like you don't make it any better. I have talked this through with my counsellor. I'm good enough at the blame game without your help. It doesn't help us heal one bit.

Actually, I do have an idea. My mother allowed me to be abused my entire childhood.

I disagree- going back to the past and accepting responsibility DOES help with the healing. I think you just want to shove it under the rug and move on. But that totally invalidates your daughters' pain. It's like sending the message that you did not value them enough to keep them safe. That destroys their self esteem and ego.

You asked for our opinions and mine is that she get away from all these issues for a while so she can be built up because your family tore her down.

I'm not judging; just being very honest with my point of view.

"Dd point blank refuses to have anything to do with the adolescent mental health team (she says that they are like robots filling out their forms and have no desire to connect with the individual they are meant to be helping)"

In all forms of help there will be an interview process. This can seem tiresome to her because she has done it before. But this therapist is new, and needs to evaluate her responses ...and non responses to get a better picture of her ability to cope. Also even if he is looking at a folder of her history, what she is able to say or not say now tells him how her abilities are improving or degrading.
Both give him answers to the gravity of how she is handling it.

Also your perceptions and expectations of her being healed... break them down to smaller expectations, she is struggling as it is. This may take longer because her learning of coping may have been hindered by your coping.

I don't want to be hard on you, but she did what you did.
The stress of her transfer...you withdrew from, that is an example of coping she learns. To withdraw, not deal with it.

I hope this helps.
As for the valium only...better than over drugging her developing brain. At her age, it is a temporary thing to help her calm and rest. Our brain deals with stress better that way, as you with out sleep notice.
For now she is safe and attended, now you rest. This will be a long working progression in treatment, not the overnight kind.

I say that at my age with the same experiences at at her age and before.

Rest well , for now.

Jewells.