You're a wizard (no pun) at spinning bad to good!

I was sad when I read the tittle but am now happy for you after reading the rest lol. Keeping my fingers crossed for your job interviews from here on that you nail something promising :)

Even when I am 1000% certain I don't want the option, I still feel the sting of rejection if I don't get the opportunity to say, "No thanks." Go figure. . . Don't look for logic in emotions.

Hope that 80% grown-up takes the lead in this. Especially while on vacation.

You know I'm in your corner.

Sorry to hear about the result. I second Arfie in how illogical the emotions around rejection can be.

It's great that you're holding on to the knowledge of your worth. Knowing you did great. Knowing you came a long way. Knowing it shows you can do this.

Good luck with the application, and then enjoy the rest of your vacation!

Muji I am sorry about your not getting that job. But in a way I think its better that you don't have to live in the same area where you were abused and traumatized. I
I hope that your interview in Chicago goes well and am rooting for you too.
To be able to stand up for yourself, to have genuine authenticity in who you are and what you stand for is wonderful.
Perks up my day. I think if you can do it I can do it. So thank you.tool ☼

Yeah, thanks everybody. For me not getting the job's truly turning out to be 80% relief. The 20% is the competitor in me that wants just to win or something and the real brat in me who can't take "rejection." The 80% relief, though, is because I now don't have to think about living near my estranged crazy abusive family in North Carolina.

It's taken so long to get boundaries set up between us that I'm really happy with the distance being what it is. I mean REALLY happy.

I know I could maintain my boundaries there if I lived in North Carolina and ran into some member of my family at the Mall or something. But I'd still have to put in the effort.

The way things are is so relaxed now. I had to put in the effort for the first year I set boundaries between us, of course. I don't know if anybody remembers my writing about it on the board now and then. But my family had a former church member of theirs who is a retired FBI agent.

It so happened that Mr. Ex-FBI worked at my community college where I teach. When I cut ties with my abusive family, they got him to start spying on me. It was creepy. When he started relaying unwanted messages through my work phone, though, I had the upper hand. That's when I went to HR and filed a formal workplace harassment complaint against him that got him to stop.

Having done that much, I know I could push back against any approach they may have made toward me in North Carolina. I'm just glad I don't have to even think about that!

Chicago, now that's even further away from them, and a place I really enjoy. So going on to apply there would mean that if I got a shot at the job then I wouldn't have anything to worry about.

Thanks for understanding how I feel about it, y'all. I'm grateful for all of the support from here for going on the interview, and I'm so glad I got so close to getting the job. But I'm RELIEVED I don't have to pack up a moving van, travel all the way there, set up house, and follow through with it all.

As it is, it gave me a real boost to my self esteem with no muss and no fuss in the end. Is it bad of me to say that? I don't mean to say that I don't appreciate all of the support.

If I'd gotten the job I would have gone just because I was so grateful to everybody here. I would feel I owed it to everybody to go. Glad you get that it's good that I don't. Thank you!

Well, some doors are meant for us to walk through. That's how I look at it, and based on your relief, it sounds like you feel that way too.

Gentle hugs <3

Sorry, you did not get the offer. I wonder if you would have taken it? I think the experience in itself, as I mentioned before was all worth it. You got some interview experience, you discovered you enjoyed being amongst your peers and having good intellectual conversations, new clothes (:)), got you thinking you may want a new job and you made it down to the final 3!!! woot woot
As I said in a message, if it doesn't work out it will let you know you can apply for others and that perfect job, without being close to old dysfunctional family, is out there for you. hugs

Thanks, lilmiss! Yeah, blue, I do look at it as an exercise in claiming some more self esteem. Like I got to sit at the Grown Ups Table, finally, at age 59, and not be mired in the drama traumas of my childhood. To the point that I applied to that other Chair's job in Chicago last night. It felt good, I might get invited to the Grown Ups Table there, too, and who knows what then?

If not, I get to retire here to Mexico in 2 years. For me the point is to have a future or two always in mind, ya know? it keeps me sharp and keeps me going. Raised as a missionary kid I expected to be moved after every 4 year term, like military kids expect their family to be reassigned.

I guess part of applying to other jobs is to test the waters and see if it's time for me to be reassigned. If the answer is no, in an odd way I feel better about staying where I am. It certainly gets me out of having to pack and move!

And apart from my own psychological machinations about it, it's a relief not to have to be chair and take on leading a department that's in such bad condition. The colleague who just retired had allowed their area to go to seed, and the other senior colleague still there needs to be retired for the same reason for new blood to come in and revive the place.

Being the boss there, then, would have meant taking all the flak for the long overdue housecleaning not done there for years. I'm glad they considered me a Grown Up who is authoritative enough to do that, but I'm glad not have that on me! :-)

By the same token, I'm sending up prayers of compassion for whoever did get offered that job and accepted it because now they have that housecleaning task on their plate. Yikes!

I'm so glad that you feel more relief than disappointment. You've definitely pointed out a lot of positives for you not getting the job, which is great!

Btw, that's super creepy about that FBI guy.. like what the hell?

I'm glad you seem to be doing well.