Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Did I blow it?

Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt

Over the weekend was a HS reunion I really looked forward to. The reunion itself went fine, but the next day my old crowd decided to get together for a special little party. It would have been the first time I was in the same room with ALL of my old gang of friends, which is something I've wished for for many tears. Though invited, I declined, feeling a need to get back home and also nervous about missing my train. I also did not want to overstay my welcome, which I sensed was kind of happening. Someone would've had to drive me to the train, which would've inturrpted the party. In theory, I could've stayed overnight with someone but I felt like I'd imposed enough. I also thought it was better to be missed by everyone than to have sat there with nothing much to say; I was in a very quiet frame of mind, plus in a lot of physical pain for having thrown out my back. 


In the moment, it made perfect sense, but now that it's over I feel abandonment issues, even though I was the one who chose to leave. I fear they will never want to talk to me again. They were good friends to me while I was living in a home situation that was abusive, so they mean more to me than "regular" old friends.


Also, I mentioned to a few people about having PTSD, and while they were supportive, I fear they are thinking I'm just some weirdo.


What do you think?

donnawanda
donnawanda
I don't think you blew it at all. Maybe you are projecting your feelings of abandonment and imagining your friends will feel hurt and hold it against you for leaving, but realistically, you had a reason to leave and it's unlikely anyone felt anything except regret at seeing you go. Could you get in touch (however you do it - text or FB or email or whatever) to say how good it was to see everybody? Not only would you be expressing your real feelings and letting them know how you feel about them, you might get some reassuring responses.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Ditto above, and no worries, it happens to me all the time... I choose to retreat, then feel as if I'm ... Yeah.... Support:-)
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
It's great that you were able to spend time with your special old friends Matt and enjoy the reunion.... I don't believe you blew it either sweetie... People have to do what they're comfortable with.... I believe a lot more of society is at least a tad informed about PTSD now so I don't believe you'd be perceived weird at all
I'm sure they enjoyed spending time with you as you did with them.... Big hug....xo
Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
Thanks so much, donnawanda, Leo, and SunCloudJD. It's very comforting to know that people understand such complicated PTSD feelings. I'll say hi on FB to some some folks, and hopefully they will respond and that will be the end of this particular depression.
Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
PS: They all responded favorably, so now I feel guilty for disappointing them!
Preciousbabygirl
Preciousbabygirl
Don't feel guilty Matt, you had to do what you had to do and people understand that. I'm glad you got to spend time with your old friends' and all went well! Enjoy the memory.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
No guilt, Matt, it's good they were supportive:-)
Sequitur328
Sequitur328
I don't think you blew it at all. People understand that we have to make certain decisions based off of our lives and situations. Also about PTSD, some people may not fully know what that means when you tell them you have it. They are probably more unaware of what it means for them as compared to what it means to you. Maybe discussing it with close friends could help them understand where you are coming from?
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Nah, you didn't blow it, Gladd. Leave 'em wanting more! You did good. They responded favorably. You can trust that. Savor the memory, honest.
Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
Thanks so much, Preciousbabygirl, leo, Sequitur328, and mujicaptsd. You've really cheered me up and given me a sense of how "normal" people react to social situations, as opposed to me, who never stops worrying.
Muskoka007
Muskoka007
In my experience, I have mentioned the PTSD and yep I think I get the weird expression from people. I think it is just not understood, perhaps in 20 years it will be different. You followed your gut and you did nothing wrong. You are not responsible for other people's response to your illness.

Thanks for sharing as I could really relate to your post. From the outside now looking in, true friends would understand and let us fumble along in life...just as everyone else in the world is doing.
Pag.mars
Pag.mars
No, you didn't blow it. We all understand how you feel. I agree with what donnawanda says, if you find a way to contact your friends it might help ease your conscience a bit. I'm sure you certainly wouldn't get a bad reaction if you did so.
Doo
Doo
Goodness, I have been trying to reply to this for days. I did not think you blew it, I think I would have done the same. Things change so much over the years. I have not been to one of mine.
Gladdmatt
Gladdmatt
Thanks much, Pag.mars and Doo. I have gotten positive feedback from the old friends and am slowly forgiving myself by trying to do good things in other ways.
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