Gave a friend a ride home last night. He could hardly walk after drinking too much. He decided to walk back to my car with me after I drove him home in his car. I asked him a few times not to walk behind me. I can’t even handle my child walking behind me. He is much bigger than I am and I was very concerned he might fall and hurt himself. He kept telling me to walk in front of him and laughing. I told him to leave, but right now, I just feel broken and want to disappear. I hate who I am. I hate having ptsd. Worse I am thinking hard about suicide and looking for a time I won’t have the kids. Just asking for support in this tough time from you all. Used the suicide chat line last night.
Do you have fond memories of vacations with your family? If so, what was one of your favorites? Where did you go?
As I have pondered the results of my recent "Testing" post, the term, "Gaslighting" has been floating through the ponderations like a street sign. When I finally started taking my amnesia therapy seriously in the mid to late 80's, the term was used extensively to help me explore what was going on with my memory dysfunctions and resulting psychoses (pl). I was self-gaslighting like a toxic mother...