How about some kind and diplomatic version of "I don't feel comfortable listening to this?" It must be very upsetting to you. You're not under any obligation to allow others to vent their grievances to you, even if they are family members. Especially if there's no constructive purpose or outcome.

Ha! Me being the overly sensitive type usually sees no difference between the two. In reality there is. I think it would begin with constructive criticism is usually requested.

I think it is in some peoples nature to criticize. I have been guilty of it....especially lately. In the past I have made it clear that I didn't want to participate in some office gossip/take down and it did stop the conversation ( probably only for a bit but maybe long enough for people to stop and think)

Need more coffee

I tell you, that is a very good question...

For me, I believe gossip is a form of character assasination... Often times, people claim it is because they "care"... More often than not, it's for more judgemental and self-seeking motives...

Character assasination is constant degrading and hurtful speech regarding issues one may already be struggling with and causes pain to the individual to which those comments are directed...

Constructive critism is when one offers suggestions or feedback out of love, with a loving tone, and with great thought and discretion...

For me, I know in my gut which is which... If it causes me dis-ease in my spirit, I must re-adjust my willingness to allow it to be internalized or not...

I hope that helps...

All my heart, Lila...

Wow, LilaOlivia, hit the nail on the head. I was going to put something, but she defined it perfectly.

One thing that I will say is this; watch those that come to you gossiping about others. The reason is because it shows their character, they are gossips and will talk about you the very same way. Steer clear of these kinds of conversations and/or verbal assaults. Nothing good ever comes of it.

I think constructive criticism is engaged, whereas other criticism is not. Constructive criticism invests in an outcome, has a stake in the matter under discussion. Therefore, it is not in its own self interest just to tear the whole house down or burn it down with flaming statements. That's how I tune my ear to critics.

Constructive criticism seeks improvement.
Character assassination seeks destruction.

But even professional critics often blur the lines.

Also really liked Lila's post.

Yes, that idea of "dis-ease" is a thought for this occasion and several others I can think of. Good one.

"Constructive criticism" is part of unconditional love and has no place in any relationship that lacks that component. Constructive Criticism (type that fives time fast I dare you LOL) is done in private, is not "you did"...."you said"...but it is "I feel". You are left with the realization that the person who has "criticized" is doing it from a place free of agenda except his/her love for you. The rest is character assassination.

After my day of reflection, I wonder if a difference is focus. A broad generalization leaves too much room for interpretation. "You are bad" covers too much ground. "Your generation is over-sexed" is even more unproductive.

"Not even an old woman can look at your face when you are flashing that much cleavage" is more specific. It has been known to send rebellious teens shopping for stiffer underwire, but... Perhaps timing is another diff.

Most of all I am thinking hard to define diff is an important awareness to hold in my heart while I just listen.

No, Donna, I am not under any obligation to listen, but the recovery angels have been good to me. I pay careful respects to my own limits and am quick to establish boundaries as needed, but I sure am hungry for healing in my family tree. All five generations. Dare I hope for a new family legacy? Just paying it forward. Trying, at least.

I usually only give ANY kind of criticism when either A) the person literally asks for it or B) I have been at the end of my rope on an issue for months/years

In my own skin, I think I am most likely to launch into pure character assassination when I am at the end of my rope. By the time I reach the end of my rope I am so bottled up that I am dangerously explosive. When the bottle neck blows, I have zero control of the shrapnel trajectory.

Perhaps that is another diff. It is constructive to wait until I have the serenity to remain objective? To wait until the person I am criticizing is equally serene and objective?