You dont see this too much in Hollywood I was crying right along with!!! Emily Kinney Cry in Talking Dead (Part 1): http://youtu.be/Y682rP4nx00

That's wonderful Muji... I'm so glad you were able to share and feel moved....This look into someone who has suffered this disorder will be something that they can take with them and will hopefully be able to reach out to someone else in the future... Big hug for you and a blessing...xo

Fess up, muji. You were just angling for another 7 hugs.

Did ya get 'em??

Hey, I have been fussing with myself so much about performing without tearing up or my voice cracking that I forgot that could be the pay off! After all these physically hugless years, more than 7 in 30 days. I'll swoon if that happens, I'm sure.

Today as friends here suggested I rehearsed the speech twice to give tomorrow. On the second time around, I managed to give it without tearing up and without the voice cracking. So I think I'm ready. Let you know how it went in 24 hrs!

Thanks for the support. I'll have a hug report if hugging indeed breaks out! :-)

Muji

I told a few people via hugs, but here's what happened about that talk at the church.

The talk went well. I got a little choked up at the beginning, but got underway and then did fine. It wasn't me I ended up worried about--it was them. THEY cried, or at least 3 people or so in the audience did. Yikes. I think I scared them.

I thought I balanced out the stories of what I went through with the story of recovery. By the responses afterward, though, I found there's a difference between those of us who talk about PTSD and recovery every day and those who don't. Everyone was sympathetic, but I think my story freaked them out.

They did ask me to come back and speak again. And the couple that hosted me told me it was ok that there was crying, not to worry. But I felt bad about shocking them like that. Didn't mean to. Meant to tell them how resilient the human spirit can be. I don't know what I can do now.

Muji

lots of hugs.. I think it is actually good. It means that you got through to them and they understood, at least in part, what it is you have gone through in your life. So many people just don't understand.

It is hard on 'normals' who get a look into our world. Our world is scary. We can try to sugarcoat it, but for those who take a look and understand, they feel our pain.

I think you did great.

hugs
yadlim

Thanks, yadlim. It's a comfort to see you think in terms of us and "normals," too. I don't want to set up an "us" vs. "them" conflict. I just realize the difference, and it's good to have a reality check from you that it's a real difference and not just paranoia on my part from my PTSD.

And I certainly didn't want to hurt them. It's just true that there's not enough sugar in the world to coat entirely over the stories we have to tell.

It's important people hear stories like yours.
I don't think people with PTSD think the same as people without it either. There is a difference.

Thank you for sharing your story with others. You inspire me greatly that perhaps someday I can do that too. I believe that God was using what you shared just exactly how you shared it to touch someone's life there and perhaps for the first time they had hope to confront their own pain and find healing.

Don't waste energy second guessing or even thinking about it instead make sure you take time to decompress and take care of you. What do you do to counter the dip after exerting so much of yourself?

Speaking in front of any group for me takes a huge amount of energy and toll on me mentally and is felt physically afterward. I've learned for me that I have to go in trusting God to lead and to share when I am prompted. I have been amazed at times when I've listened to that inner voice and the response I get from someone or others. Even small things that I don't think much of can touch someone else's story.

Well done and take care of you!!!

Leo and I exchanged messages about this today and I said thanks for reassuring me that shocking them isn't all bad. I try not to do it as a form of my own anger management, really. Having been abused installed a certain permanent indignation in me that I'm entitled to, but if I come off as self righteous I can stir them to anger but little reflection.

On the other hand, I wanted them to see PTSD is a "we" problem, that I wasn't talking about "them," those poor charity cases "over there" somewhere. People in just about any group among the general population anywhere are carrying PTSD inside. So I let them have a closer look at me and they were surprised. They talked about having me back and next time I'll humor them more, but hopefully this laid groundwork for caring about PTSD seriously, too.

I think heartsadx might be right, that the people who were crying might have had their own deep pain and sad history that was touched by what you said.

I do see the "us" and "normals" dichotomy but, sadly, I think if you look at the whole world, those who have suffered trauma are a bigger group than those who haven't. So I think it's important to tell the truth and break down the walls of delusion and denial.

Also, I wouldn't worry about the delicate feelings of the "normal" world too much since, judging by the content of popular culture, they crave vicarious suffering. I can't understand why ...

It might just be my odd sense of the way to see things. But every subgoup of people has a certain amount of 'us' and 'them' and I don't think that is a bad thing.

I do medieval recreation and we have a game we call 'freak the normals' when we leave our medieval camp and go into normal society still dressed in our medieval outfits.

As a scientist, 'we' have our own language that 'normal' people do not understand.

As a horsewoman, 'we' have our own language that 'normal' people do not understand.

I don't see differences as bad, just that it is. I like finding differences. How boring would our world be without them?

muji, I think you did wonderful.

Ha! I love that idea of "freaking the normals!" Wouldn't it be cool if we could band together in a bunch and parade down main street somewhere doing that as DS PTSD? What would that look like?

Thanks for that, thanks very much. I feel reassured. You're right, "us" and "them" language happens in group after group without being bad. It just is.

Oh 'freak the normals' is a GREAT game. Here in WA we do have to disarm before we go out into public, so no knives or swords. But we don't take off the scabbards from our belts. We wear out full outfits as we go for dinner to run into a grocery store. Swishing around in two or three floor length skirts, poofy sleeves on the underdress and a tight bodice to hold things in place with a belt holding pouches, bright colored pretty favors, and sometimes foxtails.

It causes a stir where ever we go. The reactions range from fascination, anger (those we ignore), to the best one of laughter!