Oh yeah! But Gertie seems to be bucking it. She blurts, gets angry (justifiably) and sooth's me with funny off the wall thoughts. Some make it to the keyboard and past before I can catch them.

I'm beginning to trust her more!.

I wish she knew more about computers...mine hiccups, making my bad typing look worse.

When my control issues are running the show, mistakes seem unforgivable and horrific. 40+ years of computer experience only intensifies that for me when my machine hiccups or my fingers slip. Humor? You're kidding, right? Too risky.

When I can quiet the compulsion, mistakes are somewhere between fixable and not important. The smiles of the successful attempts at humor are worth the risk of the faux pas of the bombs.

I'm conflicted (imagine that!) about this subject.

I do like to be in control, but then again, I am good at it, make better decisions than the majority of people the majority of the time, and because I can grasp concepts very quickly and synthesize the known information in a multifaceted situation with what I know about it and about those involved, I am pretty darn talented at sizing the whole thing up and acting quickly and appropriately.

In a nutshell, I can figure out complicated situations real freakin fast and act on it rationally.

I'm just using the ability to turn of our emotions (that a lot of us learn to do to survive) and learning to think rationally while they are turned off...I can maintain composure in the toughest of situations, for however long it takes. I just go home and find a closet to cry in afterwards. Because the emotions eventually demand an outlet.

But I too, like you arfie, track and monitor details of all kinds of things. Even if it isn't really needed.

My husband constantly calls me "control freak" (is the freak part really needed? I feel like a freak most of the time...)

Anyway, he calls me that when I do something like suggest he use a cereal bowl to scramble his egg instead of the 8 cup monster bowl he was going to use, or tell him if he puts his keys in the same place every night, there won't be a keys emergency in the morning that makes him late for work. I'm just trying to help make things easier for him...I'd want to know if there was a more efficient way to do something I was doing.

And I know people learn on their own,but after ten years of watching him do the same thing over and over, I don't think it's premature to say something that is meant to help.

So it does cause me trouble.

It's also frustrating when I'm being flat rational and others refuse to see beyond their own feelings, especially in professional setting.

I worked in law enforcement and as an investigator, and it shocked me how much it took to just get other workers to act based on a situation and not how they FELT about the situation. I could go on for days...

I have such stories...they would make you scream with outrage...

It was always funny to me, people would say to me that they didn't know how I could do the job I did, it must be so hard. And it was never the job that got to me, even when it was a fatality or assault or I was dealing with a pedophile or violent person...I could handle that...

It was always the bosses, politics, slacking coworkers that thought getting home to watch a tv show was more important than doing due diligence in their cases....THAT is what ruined me...

Sorry for the rant...

I guess I do have control issues...but I'd rather be this way than not.

Once in a blue moon, you DO have to fall back on something really cliche:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

----

Whether or not you're a person of faith, I sincerely mean this as my vote for the response to your question.

I've done it wrong too often, and with really poor results.

I strive to do it better, now.

As a natural controller, I also have difficulty understanding how people can act on feeling over fact. Especially when I have earned good money and commendations for the talent.

As I have come to accept and understand the nature of my cPTSD and its side effects (such as suppressed feelings), I have also come to understand how I carry it to destructive extremes, especially with loved ones; the folks whose emotional involvement is greater than my factual involvement. The way my micro-managing erodes their confidence. Then there are the folks whose lives are not my business in any event...

It is a question of balance in my own life.

The Serenity Prayer is one of my mainstays, David. Love it! When I run my control issues through it, I find I cannot change my controlling nature, but I can change the way I use it. It is a blessing when chaos is in motion. It is a curse when I am bored and using it to create chaos.

Like many of you would understand ....

When the s*it was crashing down on me ... from all sides ... hard, heavy, and constant (the years that formed my C-PTSD), I was unsteady and unsure. I couldn't rely on my usually reliable judgment.

I reached out to a wonderful therapist from my past (and half-way across the country) to sanity check me: is this a control thing ? Should I let go ? Can you see another way forward ?

She gave me an unequivocal "No !"

In a nutshell (since I'm still under court order NOT to talk about it), she said "These people are attacking you. If you cannot run, then you MUST defend yourself.

My point: we can certainly use each other to help us with that "Serenity Prayer" calculus (the wisdom to know the difference), but we can also use our therapists as helpful sounding boards.

My mother, BTW, refers to all of this as "within" or "outside of" her "sphere of influence."

Same thing, but a pretty elegant way to phrase it.

One more quicky: my sister-in-law.

I met her mother near my SIL and brother's wedding.

I found her to be a horrible, hateful woman, who attacked me at every turn.

I figured out that she was having serious health issues of her own, and -- I figured -- was trying to exercise control over ME as a way of compensating for a life that had spiraled out of control for her.

Understanding that helped ME, but ... not as much as staying miles away from her did ;-)

Point there: we're all -- at least periodically -- engaged in this great struggle of PTSD.

Sometimes, I'd bet MANY of us feel like our lives are out of (our) control, making it tempting to try to exert control over things that are probably "outside of our sphere of influence."

It's a way to regain the illusion of that thing called "control."

Again: I know I have made those mistakes. Again: I'm trying to do better.

"..you can't stay awake and do the surgery yourself"


so so true. But I still needed to know everything.

Controll...something I really want and never feel I have...at least over the things that matter to me. I tend to try to control some petty things because the big stuff seems so elusive. Then there are the blessed days when I just say Frig it!

I believe PTSD and control issues go hand in hand, too. The "wariness" of PTSD, the scanning for any sign of danger. In my childhood in war, I survived a couple of bombings, one in a car I was in, and one in a building I was about to enter.

Such chaos led me to desire the opposite, an environment in which everything stayed in its place. Things didn't suddenly sail through the air with a bang. I wanted a world in which everything was nailed down in place, anchored down.

No such place exists. Life is never static like that. It's always dynamic. I had to learn to trust change, learn to trust going with the flow. It feels SO GOOD when I do it, I just love it. But that first step of trusting it has to be intentional on my part. What comes naturally is wanting to hunker down in a bunker.

Thank goodness my therapist trained me not to. It's great out here in the world. But I'll always be a war child.

Like arfie said, though, that has benefits, too. Ways it sharpened instincts and my wits, too.

Most of the reasons why I have PTSD are finished, but my personality remains.

I vacillate between perfectionism and never starting something. (But the second is getting better; my husband's a great nudger!)

What do I do? Constantly remind myself that things don't need to be perfect- just finished.

I used to be reminded as a kid just how IMPERFECT I was, so as an adult, I'd do anything to not prove them right.

Now, I realize my Dad is full of sh!t anyway, and I try to celebrate whatever I accomplish.

I don't know if that answers your question, but that's my thoughts on the matter at the time.

In a world that is so out of control and being abused. I can understand the need to be in control. Now that I am out of the situation I was in I now can see where I was controlling because of pstd and I would had anger issues. I did not understand. I am a born again Christian have been since about 10 years old. I had to be in control , I had no control. I had to work these issues. The Lord is helping me so much. He has been with me all the way. Alot of people blame God or have a hard time understanding Him when they have been hurt and abused. I clung to him and trusted him. He always helped me. He saw my hurt. Salvation was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was being abused so much that I thought that I couldn't reach him. When all along he was right there. I am healing and letting him have control of my life and I feel the pain and it takes time. I thought that life was going to end when I said something wrong and got angry out burst. I finally told God I wanted to leave and he moved us out. I believe it was for me. Anyway for what its worth. I am married and have two beautiful children and a loving church family. I feel the Lord with me and so close. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world ,that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. " Take care and lots of hugs and prayers your way.

I took the OP to mean, how do we not become control freaks once the out-of-control original stuff is behind us?

I don't trust that much in other people, so I like the idea of giving up things to a higher power, be it God, Allah, the Great Spirit, life... Just not other humans.

Like one time, I tried to buy a house I really wanted... or so I thought. Long story short, I did everything in my power- paperwork, put in the bid. Then waited. it fell through due to others' actions. 6 months later, I learned that across the street from that house I tried to buy was a major crime.

My issue is when others' control affects me. Like bosses. All I can do is breathe. And go for a run. Or pray. My faith says I should do that last one first, but I usually save the big stuff for the Big One. I'd rather pray for thanks than a bailout.