I write more fluently than I speak for a variety of reasons. However, when pressed, I can speak eloquently enough. Ironically, I have to detach all emotional significance, which to me feels weirdly like the first stage of dissociating (it's just me, apparently)....

I was not allowed to have a voice as a kid, and worse, I had a speech imepediment for a few years. silence was the milieu.

One trick I've learned---from my mom---was/is to sing something. Even if it's just in my head. It gives my words a cadence, a rhythm, a pattern. She uses Latin songs from the old Catholic Mass (she was a soloist in her day). I use a handful of songs I know by heart that I find soothing in general. I mentally sing a line to myself before I let my mouth open. It sounds convoluted and weird, but it kinda helps me. In serious pressure situations, of course, I still go mute.

One of my greatest panic attack triggers is, in fact, mutism. Having been silenced so long, I freak out if I am too overwhelmed to succinctly and accurately express myself in 25 words or less. (That goes back to m childhood as well. )

And, silly as it sounds, if I know there's certain kinds of enoucnters? I rehearse them.
E.g., "Friendly neighbor encounter: "Hey, how ya doing, good, good," or "talk to my HMO encounters: "This is X, I require Y, I need it by Z, tell me how that gets done."

Am I dorky? Yes. Have I survived umpteen social occasions this way? Ranging from a casual nod to a neighbor to these awful company holiday parties Hubby used to go to? Yes.

One way I'd psych myself up, before the agoraphobia hit me, was to sing an entire musical, start to finish. I have a horrible voice, but it wore out y speech anxieties somehow.

If you don't have agoraphobia issues, you may find Toastmasters clubs useful. I went to a few meetings, they were very helpful, kinda like a structured support-group-slash-self-improvement club for those who desire clearer communication.

I ramble and I roll, but I did just ramble out of bed. My apologies.

Just throwing it out there and seeing if anything sticks.

I'm a good writer, but also I think I'm a good face person. I'm VERY sensitive and perceptive to the point of being intuitive beyond rational explanation. (Dare I say clairvoyant?)

I think it's OTHERS who don't know how to handle my intensity. Therefore, I get turned down or ignored when I offer to hang out with people.

After a while, I just give up... It's very demoralizing, esp with my past...

But I'd rather have two or three people who really "get" me than a bunch of superficial people who just smile and nod...

Hugs, all.

I'm also very intuitive which is a problem, but it is one extreme or the other for me. I either trust to much or not at all. I used to prefer to write but with some of my medical issues plus texting lingo I have lost my ability to write as well. I am a total introvert however I have been working on finding the balance which seems to be going ok. Lately though I have been wanting to stay home and hibernate. My wife asked me why and I really have no good answer. I just don't much feel like being around people or anything. I just feel like being at home all the time.

me to , it i get so upset cannot rember what i had to say i do well writing how i feel.
i dont like going out beyond where i feel save , if i do go out i worry i said something wrong or somehow ill get hurt. i use to be so good at communication, now i worry something well backlash on me .hugs min good thread

BIG HUGS! Leo : )

I had a stutter (disfluent) as a child and my mother's cure for that was to push me onto the stage to sing, dance and act my little heart out... lol... I totally do the disconnect and get on with it thing too!

I definitely agree that the singing was and still is absolutely PRICELESS for giving flow! I was the lead soprano for the church choir and beautiful arias are still a favourite. Nowadays I only stutter if tired or ironically if I'm relaxed at home & around hubby... I get to just be ME with him so the rush and tension disappears and the disfluency has a great time, lol... Hubby is very patient and after 4-5 tries on a difficult word I just swap it out and carry on... the letters A and R are my biggest nemesis especially when they get together to gang up on me, LOL, sigh... I used to sit with a huge Oxford dictionary systematically practising each word, page by page trying to "cure" myself... it didn't but I do have an impressive vocabulary... ROFL, gee thanks disfluency now I know so many MORE words I can't SAY!

If there are lines to learn, or a speech or presentation to give then everyone steps back and I still get pushed into that "presenter" role... That would be the one time I'm totally grateful for being very dissociated as no matter how large the group I feel NOTHING... in fact the bigger the group the easier I find it...

BUT it is so frustrating... people assume because I'm eloquent and entertaining in LARGE social situations that I'm an extrovert... which I am certainly NOT... rofl...

Rehearsing simple social encounters sounds like a great idea Leo!! I find them just impossible... I get too much nervous energy and either enthuse about something that COULD have been interesting or relevant IF the person wasn't so stiff or taken aback by my enthusiasm... or am mute because I don't seem to have a mellow setting when it comes to small social encounters... argh... this is why people DRINK, rofl... but yeah definitely not going to be adding alcohol to my problems, lmao

I may give that Toastmasters thing a try... not for longer dialogues or presentations but just to practice LISTENING and providing appropriate support & feedback... and for small talk!! That is a GREAT idea Leo... so many very awesome ideas!! HUGS again

I'm pretty desperate as this poor communicating seems to have gotten much worse over the last few years...

HUGS Deli & Dragon : )

Yes I get that intuitive thing too... around adults it makes things incredibly awkward because often the conversations are maybe too "close" to what they might've been thinking about but definitely not prepared for talking about out loud...

Phew! Around kids or animals intuitive sensitivity is just such an amazing gift! Thanks for reminding me that there IS a good side to this problem...

My tdoc gets an email every week. He prefers I actually talk to him but he says he will take what he can get. I really struggle during sessions to spit out the words.

Socially ( not that I have much of a social life) isn't much better. I lose words, say them backwards or just go blank. Drives me crazy because I am soooo much cooler and hip in my head. *smile*

HUGS One! : )

Yup... unhappiness does come from wanting things to BE different than they way they actually ARE... is an awesome Buddhist saying I should be reminding myself of a LOT more! I can slow down and tackle it with small steps rather than trying to charge the blasted thing head on... lol

HUGS Min!

I'd pick that is one of the worst parts of this... the omgs and the arghs when I've tried and got it sideways... Hubby put it really well yesterday... I'm trying TOO hard... but I know I'm worried that if I give up and STOP trying... well, my past silences have lasted YEARS...

BIG HUGS Cecil... I so get that frozen muteness when I'm sitting with my counsellor... quite often she spends most of the session talking about herself... I don't know if she is "modelling" talking for me or if... I dunno, I got nothin... if she's modelling then it ain't working, rofl... arghhhh!

There just aren't any PTSD qualified counsellors anywhere near here... hmmm! Still I like the cup of berryilicious tea she gives me each week, lol... and one day I might actually start talking... back TO her! : )

I loved singing and I get really deep into music. I used to sing until many surgeries ruined that, i still try but its hard to do always ripping at my throat.

I get nervous even typing here at times and it doesn't matter how much I read it over seems it comes out all wacko. My brain misfires and stuff comes out all weird especially grammar and spelling. Its weird too because I read a lot.

I also get what you said...BUT it is so frustrating... people assume because I'm eloquent and entertaining in LARGE social situations that I'm an extrovert... which I am certainly NOT...

TY Dooo!! Have I told ya I LOVE ya sista! HUGS : )