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I was getting ready for another Christmas alone this year. I did it that way the last 2 years after my abuser brought violence to Christmas Day in 2010 and I walked away having been punched in the face.
For the past 2 was more scary waiting for the day to come than really spending the day alone. Since there's a belief among some that you're a loser if you don't have anybody with you on Christmas, I was concerned I would get depressed about it. Since I've been hospitalized for depression before, it scared me to anticipate that.
But I kept it my own little secret, and did fine alone on Christmas Day for 2 years. Turns out I won't be alone on Christmas Day 2013, though. I just got invited to the home of a cancer survivor I visited as a volunteer in the hospital. That will be my Christmas Day meal. I got invited to an open house at a coworker's home for Christmas Eve, too. So I have places to go this time.
To anyone spending it alone, if it's for good reasons of self-care like it was for me, good for you. Don't compromise and go back to an abusive situation just to have company on Christmas if that's really not best for you. Stick to what you need no matter what others may think. Then in time, better safe company will come along like it just did for me.
Prayers and hugs to anyone spending Christmas alone this year like I did the last two. I may be alone again for Christmas next year, you never know. You're not alone here.
For the past 2 was more scary waiting for the day to come than really spending the day alone. Since there's a belief among some that you're a loser if you don't have anybody with you on Christmas, I was concerned I would get depressed about it. Since I've been hospitalized for depression before, it scared me to anticipate that.
But I kept it my own little secret, and did fine alone on Christmas Day for 2 years. Turns out I won't be alone on Christmas Day 2013, though. I just got invited to the home of a cancer survivor I visited as a volunteer in the hospital. That will be my Christmas Day meal. I got invited to an open house at a coworker's home for Christmas Eve, too. So I have places to go this time.
To anyone spending it alone, if it's for good reasons of self-care like it was for me, good for you. Don't compromise and go back to an abusive situation just to have company on Christmas if that's really not best for you. Stick to what you need no matter what others may think. Then in time, better safe company will come along like it just did for me.
Prayers and hugs to anyone spending Christmas alone this year like I did the last two. I may be alone again for Christmas next year, you never know. You're not alone here.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Congratulations on having chosen your service family this year. May a splendid time be the gift both received and given.
Still, the expectations of Christmas get to me. I'm like you - I had a Christmas recently where I slept in, and then stayed alone all afternoon and went to AA that night. I really felt good about it.
This year, I'll be working at a nursing home in the afternoon for 4 hours. I'd like to make a Christmas lunch for the lady next door and my lover - just the 3 of us. That's good enough for me!
this year i have managed to avoid any direct contact with my family so the majority of the stress has been minimal. just a few gifts making us say "really?" Yay for unplugging landlines. and there is very little indication that hubby's side will want us around. so its going ok.
You do deserve some 'good memories' you will make this year. I will be alone. But that's my choice. I choose it only because it is best for
me. And yes!! like Jewells said, 'picture you telling stories of old St
Nick to the children around the table' -- I can see that! Your'e sweet
Spread some of your good cheer, my friend. cuz a lot need it here!
---- gizzzy
This year, my wife flies out ... in three days, but ... she flies to meet my Mom, about an hour south of me, where the two of them will spend Christmas together at a beautiful kind of spa.
Since I won't have any control over the physical environment (the chemically-burned eye thing), I'm not going.
And I've started on Ketamine -- prescribed for neuropathic pain, but also used to treat depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
For my money, it's a lot like LSD -- not really what I need right now.
But it's early -- too early to know if it will help. And I'm willing to work through a LOT of side effects in order to gain possible relief.
So while you're all dreaming about reindeer and sugarplums ... I'll actually be SEEING them LOL !!
My mom and wife will be back on the 28th, so ... we'll all spend a few days, and New Year's together.
But I've pretty well convinced myself that each day is just like another. I've sort of consciously devalued the holidays. It just makes it easier ... for me to believe I'm not missing much.
I also won't actually be alone.
I have Fleegle:
http://www.tableandhome.com/prodimages/34998.jpg
And ... quite frankly ... he's a LOT cooler than I would have thought !
Sadly, Fleegle has taken to smoking ... 3-4 cigs a day ... like his daddy. I didn't want it to happen, but I'm not in much of a position to judge him. I just don't like that I'm enabling him.
Frogs shouldn't smoke. That's just a given.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you all !!
I'll be around, but ... want to wish each and every one of you a great holiday season, and my sincere hopes that -- for ALL of us -- 2014 is a MUCH better year than 2013.
Hugs,
Me ... and Fleegle :-)
Milla I see your are in Fl., Use a grill or firepit tho cook you hame. A good Cast iron lidded pot or heave gauge Aluminum roaster set up with the indirect heat , will cook a ham. I have done this with roasts on daylong dishing trips. Use post holder th remose lid in the last half our, drain some drippings for your gravy and let surface brown. If ham mix your candy recipeBrown sugar mustard and crushed pineapple, and cover with the lid slightly ajar for the last half hour or so.
Yummy!
I'll be going to a friend's, who is family to me, and my children will be around off and on. Hopefully all five of my kids can be together for parts of the next week. Doesn't matter WHICH day to me. There are no concrete plans...
For me, I understand that there are choices to be where you want, with who you want, even familywise. Some family we choose, other, maybe not. Some even choose us.
I have seen on this journey that its best to make the best of every day, be it Monday, Easter, Thursday, or Christmas. I believe my God is always with me, no matter what, so if there are others around, it's okay, and if not, that can be okay, too, if we let it.
Merry Christmas, wherever you are.
Muji