I have not found a way past my layered PTSD, but I have addressed each layer in therapy so I have some function. My PTSD comes from 3 categories. 1st 1 was surviving a pedophile as a kid, 2nd 1 was surviving combat as a kid, 3rd 1 was surviving domestic violence from untreated PTSD my parents had in that combat zone as a kid. We were missionaries overseas.

So I had a different therapist for years on end for each of the 3 categories. We started with the 1st category in 1995. Then on to the next. Lastly I got a VA doctor as a therapist for the 3rd category in 2007.

That's how long it's taken. I lost a career along the way in 2000, and started a second career in 2011. It's been an arduous process, and I was hospitalized along the way in 2000 when I lost my career. I feared I might not make it through PTSD alive at that time.

I have, but I still cope with PTSD symptoms every day in my second career. It looks like I'll never be totally symptom free, a much as I'd like that. It looks like the goal is to be high functioning, which I'm doing most of the time, but not always. At my work I'm out of the closet about my PTSD and on the record with human resources and my boss so I can have a disability accommodation under ADA law if needed.

hi StephanieE. I like how you describe it as the layered kind; I have that kind too. I didn't know that when I came to this group - when I found here and you and I are almost the same age!

we have other things in common too, I am sick too and probably from the stress of cPTSD - the way of living it, the way I liveD it.

I knew I survived some very scary stuff and that I couldn't look at the memories, not directly - way too scary. some memories were like stories that happened to someone else - I could tell them to someone, but I had absolutely no feeling, no emotion at all about them - I detached myself from them when they happened; had to.

after I had been here awhile and felt safe enough I started having emotional flashbacks from my childhood - I hadn't realized how traumatized I was from then - big shock. so now all that is coming up to be dealt with. it's a lot.

So when I came here, I started to realize more that I was not able to feel emotion, I was numb that way... maybe I knew this before - it is so hard to share anything involving time - I don't lie, it just isn't connected the way normal time happens for most people. I have spent so much time disconnecting that being disconnected, (dissociating), is more normal for me than staying in NOW. I have worked on it a lot...not sure if that is accurate either - I have wanted to be here now so badly since being in this group, wanted to feel the good emotions :O) and I can now. it's been worth spending time being gentle with myself, being kind to myself here - most of it is just letting myself be here and accepting myself. ever so slowly learning that I am a person and that's a good thing.

it is so good you brought yourself here :O)

I see a psychiatrist every 3 months or so and he is a big help - I lucked out and found a really good one. I take a little bit of medicine and it helps a lot. maybe to break the cycle it would be a good idea? to help you over that first bit. when it all hits at once is so - no words.

gentle hugs