Hey,

I don't want to hit you with anything cliche. Ive been on that edge many times and know how unhelpful certain things can sound.

I really am sorry you are in this state. You definitely deserve to feel so, so much better.

It is understandable to feel so stuck. It's not an easy place to be in, ever.

I would urge you to go to a hospital to be safe. Your life will never have a chance to get better if you cut it short.

sometimes, when i feel really horrible, i go outside and lie on the grass. i look for the things in nature that i am in awe of. birds, flowers, ladybugs and such. and you are as wonderful, as important, as awesome as any of those things. you have as much a right to be here and to flourish as they do.
one day i wished that i could post a message to the almost 2000 friends i have on facebook: "pretend that you are at my funeral. what would you say about me?"
i wish that we could appreciate people while they are alive more.
i keep holding on to a glimmer of hope that something great will happen. and some days, something good does happen.
when i am desperate for help, i talk to strangers. sometimes they are more help than people i know.
please do whatever you can to feel better. you deserve it. and you really are important without being in love and without children.
*warm safe hugs and peace to you*

I've thought more about the pain you are in daily. I agree with others suggesting you seek medical advice immediately and hospitalization until you in a safer position.

And after that I am wondering if a service animal would help in making you feel less alone during the seizures? Is that do-able to you to seek answers beyond what you currently have? Or have you already tried that?

Stay with us, okay?

Suicidal ideations, or thoughts, are common among survivors of abuse and trauma. I experience them myself, sometimes much more than at other times. The following ideas may help.

-Distract yourself any way you can so that you will think of something else. Watch television, go out for a walk, clean up around your home, or do something else that gives your mind something else to focus on.
-Take good care of yourself. Drink plenty of fluids, especially water. Eat enough, but not too much. Get plenty of sleep; things will usually be better in the morning.
-If the thoughts won't go away, call 911 or another emergency number, and have the police come and take you to a hospital for a three day evaluation. When the police come, you may be cuffed, but you won't be arrested or have a permanent entry into your record of the incidence with the police in most areas of the United States.
-If you can recognize the event or conditions that triggered the suicidal thoughts, make a plan for dealing with it should it occur again in the future. Did something happen or did someone say something that triggered the thoughts?

Know that you're going to be fine if you just hang in there. Make your goal for now to just make it through this day, and make that your goal for tomorrow and the next day if necessary. You can make it through this day.

You have been on this earth long enough to know what help is available to you shall you choose to seek it out. I know that desolate feeling, that void. I can only offer friendship. but for some reason, we are here, posting... even when we don't want to live. that requires moving, thinking about what we are going to say, whether or not we feel it. somewhere inside you, that survival instinct is still there.

I have a daughter, a whole person who depends on me. When i get to feeling like i dont want to do it anymore, it makes it worse to think of her. because people tell me to not think that way for my daughters sake, that my daughter should be my joy, my reason to live... and they are right. she should be. but when I get in that mode i dont care. i feel no joy. and the fact that i can no longer feel the immense love for my daughter makes me feel worse, that she would be better off with someone who can love her all the time, someone without this shadow. its a catch 22 for me. but i do know that ive felt this way before, will most likely feel this way again. but for some reason i keep breathing, and someday when i can feel again or have my emotions back in order, i want to know what that reason is.

I asked you if you are taking one of those meds that has the side effect of suicidal thoughts. Do you get outside at all to get some Vitamin D? It sounds like you are pretty depressed and that is treatable. Just be careful not to get on an antidepressant that produces suicidal thoughts.
You may not be able to see your future, but there is a future for you. You may think you are hopeless, but you are not hopeless even if you can't feel or see the hope that there is because of your depression.

Please go to the Emergency Room and tell them you are in a suicidal crisis.

Yes, I did that 13 years ago when I was going through a divorce that triggered my PTSD so badly that I just had to be an inpatient at the hospital psych ward for a few days. I do NOT enjoy the hospital one bit. But I had to admit I was at the point that I just needed to hit the "reset" button and be taken care of by others while I figured out how to do start over.

I HATED the hospital, honestly. Loathed it. But I'd go in again just like I did back in the year 2000 if I ever reached that low again. It can happen to the best of us, and help is there for us, too. xa1nbowxR is right; it's a good idea to tell the suicide crisis people and let them do their thing.

I certainly hope you have the suicide hotline number written down, close to your phone. Please call for help if you need it.

disagree with beaumont it is not ok to just take it lightly we are only support cannot pretend to be doctors or therapists I can share send good wishes but , I would ask you consider calling for help going to a hospital I think a professional is in order here if you cant control impusle to harm please just pick up the 300 pound phone and call for help ,, it will pass with meds support and help you sound way down there and we cant help we are all limited online,,,, thanks for listening it is dangerous for any of us to tell you what to do we can only empathize yes many have been in this place but some of us for what ever reason will and can follow through no matter what,, is said GO TO HOSPITAL I HOPE

Don't give up! Depression can easily trick the mind, in you making the wrong decissions. Go to your local hospital's emergency room immediately, for help. If you are lacking of transpertation of getting there, then at least call and talk to someone. http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

Rhonda

Just asking, how are you today?

I have no family. My father took my innocence, but later I got through that, and I could love, well. I lived well, honestly, genuinely, and free of him. My prayer is that somehow you can come back from this place that you are. But, with bad brain chemistry, definitely not in good shape, I wondered after these last traumas involving my brother, if I shouldn't just go and join my mother on Mother's Day. I didn't. I hope you are feeling better.