Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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mujicaptsd 10/13/2016

I just got back from an appointment at the medical center over an hour's drive away. I go a lot for treatment for my kidney disease, which I got taking PTSD meds that combined with the onset of undiagnosed diabetes, so I consider my kidney disease to be an adjunct of my overall PTSD now.

At the hospital they told me they need to do an endoscopy on Thursday of next week, kind of like a colonoscopy in reverse, shoving the camera down my throat instead of you-know-where. I've had two colonoscopies now and was sedated for those and got through ok, and they tell me I'll be sedated for this endoscopy, too. I imagine those of you here who've already had an endoscopy will tell me it was ok for you, too, not to worry. I had to get a driver to drive me home sedated afterward. Since I live alone that was an issue, but tonight I got a volunteer. It's nice for people to offer to help out like that.

It's just sinking in that even though I deal with the actual event, every "scopy," no matter where on my body, does trigger my PTSD in the lead-up time to the event. So I'm posting here ahead of time to get some support to not get too squirrelly between now and next Thursday when I go in for the procedure.

I was abused as a little kid by my father in his force feeding me at the table at meal time if I said anything about not liking my food, so hence the PTSD trigger of having something pushed down my throat. I know I'll be all right, I tell myself, but it doesn't hurt to hear it from people who know what a trigger is like--from you all.

Doo 10/14/2016

Much support for you Muji. You are not alone, we will be with you in thought.

I have had both done many times because of one PTSD trauma and it triggers me horribly too, even when I know I will be asleep for it. This year was the first time I have gone to that doctor for something serious by myself with no support from a partner and it was very hard. I am so happy someone so kindly offered to go with you, very good.

Good for you in being brave and getting the things done you need to.

gubgub 10/14/2016

I do hope you encounter some good nurses who support you through the process
Your being brave to have it done Good on you

silverlight 10/14/2016

muji,i can so understand how triggering this must be for you..

i had to have an endoscopy many years ago,and was terrified,i hate the feeling of not being in control,but,indeed it ended up being ok after they gave me the i.v. valium...

please,i am not at all trying to minimize your fear,and how triggering this is for you.

i so hope that between now and your appointment you can find some ways to cope with the anxiety,and just envision yourself being ok before,during,and after the procedure...and,of course,reward yourself in some way afterward for getting through it.

Much support,muji.

arfie 10/14/2016

I do not know, but I do believe my PTSD is directly connected to my survival instinct. Can't stimulate one without stimulating the other. I reserve the right to feel my survival instincts when people are offering to cut me open and/or shove objects into my orifices. Don't you dare ask me to be logical about it!!! It's part of the med pro job to be sensitive to it.

Gentle support while you ride it out, muji. Steady as she goes, Cap'n.

mujicaptsd 10/14/2016

Thanks, y'all, I knew I would have friends who had already been through the procedure, so it's really, really reassuring. :-) Bless you!

Zoe 10/14/2016

I've had a couple of these done. I was also worried about my PTSD being triggered. My therapist called my Dr. ahead of time and explained about the PTSD and anxiety. So once they had the IV going they gave me an extra sedative. They were also very conscious to get things done quickly so I didn't have to lay around waiting. You've done so well pushing your comfort zone I don't think you'll have too much trouble. Lots of support and hugs.

DarkGypsyG 10/14/2016

Muji my superhero! i've had both. twice down my throat. once the other way. it is scary. each time i had one of my trusty stuffies with me to help sooth me and keep me present. (tactile grounding for anxiety and panic) i was actually afraid i would fall asleep. but i did. one of the weirdest feelings there is for me is that moment you slide into sleep. prolly cause the PTSD F/F (fight/flight) kicks in.

now my little bit of encouragement, don't punish yourself for being triggered. sometimes i even catch myself doing this unconsciously. reward yourself for being aware and proactive. karma is already on your side. (so glad you have someone to drive you home.) it won't mind you paying out for yourself.

As always my dear friend, Muji, I stand with you as you go through this. may the procedure be quick, recovery easy, and an absolute clean bill of health. -DG

donnawanda 10/14/2016

I had both done at the same time and was very frightened, but the "twilight" sedative or whatever it was knocked me out completely and I woke up ecstatic to discover that it was all over and done with. I literally asked the nurse to thank the anesthesiologist for me, I was so grateful to have missed it all. I hope you have the same non-experience.

DanceStrong 10/14/2016

Many hugs, muji. Those kinds of procedures are always a little scary, and I know in the past you have said you share my fear of doctors and doctors offices in general. You have every right to be afraid. Modern medicine is great, but it's also a little unnatural and it can go against our instinctive views of self preservation. Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that it is a common procedure, and that makes it a safe one. You don't have to see any tubes or actually go through the endoscopy because you will be asleep. So, you go to the doctor's in your nice suit, you get comfortable, take a nap, and when you wake up it will have passed and you will have answers that could help your health in a week or so.

In the week leading up to it, you will have all these posts to look back on and all of our support.

DanceStrong 10/14/2016

Also, when I went under to have my wisdom teeth removed, the dentist let me play music on my iPod. Maybe you can also bring some music that relaxes you or makes you happy to listen to.

atec 10/14/2016

I've got issues with food because of being force fed but never connected it to actually swollowing. I get freaked if someone puts their hand close to my mouth though.

Back in my circus days I learned to sword swallow. I had an ENT scope my sinuses and vocal chords and I was able to do that without issues.

It is great you found transportation.

Hope all goes well.

SunCloudJD 10/14/2016

Big hug for you sweetie and a blessing.... You will be in my prayers....xo

brokenlady47 10/14/2016

Thinking of you Muji mate. I'm a great big scaredy cat when it comes to these things so I think it's great that you are being so brave. Sending lots of support your way from Old Blighty mate. Love Manda xx

mujicaptsd 10/14/2016

Thanks, everybody. I know if all of you could make it through, I will, too. Hoping for what donna said: a "non-event," you know? Totally non! :-)

mujicaptsd 10/19/2016

Well, tomorrow's the day. I go in for my endoscopy at the hospital at 7am. Hoping for that non-event!

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