Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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But I can’t though

MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr

Thankful or not, the truth remains.


 I am a hamster running on a wheel and I don’t know how to get off.


 I keep getting into situations where I think I understand what’s being said and sometime later I find out that I really don’t.


 I think I’m above the symptoms. I don’t recognize it happening and maybe that’s because outside of them I’m just a stupid person. I can not absorb information. 


I can relate to a lot of you but what I’ve been through doesn’t seem at all like it should make me this way. I don’t understand and maybe that’s because something else is wrong with me. Maybe I’m literally just slow.


Anyway in this moment, I want to say I’m done. I truly believe my kids would be better off without me but I know they could never understand that. I’m not saying I’ll act on those feelings. If I want to I’ll call someone. I’m just owning the horrible thoughts and telling you all this feels so hopeless. I don’t even want to keep trying. I’d rather go home to my husband and turn into my Mom. 

patti22
patti22
Divorce is hell...but there is "another side". It WILL get better.

Two things, above all else, destroy new learning. Stress and lack of sleep. Both are hard to come by in the middle.

Hang on...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzyfcys1aLM

There IS a place better than "in the middle"...
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
After years of being told that you were wrong and he was right, it does take time to undo the damage. It does get undone, or certainly modified. Hang in there. We are here with you through the ups and downs of this part of your journey. Comforting hugs.
MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr
Thanks for your hopefulness and encouragement. Don’t be offended by this. I’m just insanely mad. I don’t see how there is another side. I was thinking earlier, on the other side of this it must be better but the whole thing is that I don’t know if there is another side of this. If I’m the problem, if I don’t change, it just stays with me. And how can I change when I keep having solid brain meltdowns!??? I don’t understand. At all. Nothing makes sense. Not a thing!
MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr
No offense to you either but I don’t think you were picking up what I was putting down.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Hey, Marah, it stood out to me when you wrote " I don’t even want to keep trying. I’d rather go home to my husband and turn into my Mom. "

I actually did give up after my divorce. I went back home, in my case to my parents, and resigned myself to turning into my Dad.

It didn't happen. Turns out I was stuck being me. That was a hard realization. I had no idea how to do that. It's been a slow learning process ever since.

We're with you, Marah. It's hard, but you're not alone. Be gentle with yourself.
MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr
What stands out about your comment muji is “I had no idea how to do that”.....be myself..... I keep saying “I have no idea how to do any of this.” Thanks for sharing
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Separation and divorce are huge events to get through and it does take time much like grief and even if you know it's the best thing for you, you go through a very difficult time for a while....

I've been there to and for me it felt like a failure.... It took some time to get to the next good place

Big hug Marah.... Your kids wouldn't be better off without their mom..... Baby steps are good steps.....xo
SharPrat
SharPrat
Kinda weird I thought i wrote this. Im divorced too almost went back home. Im really feeling so low i can barely function let alone want too. I cant end it cause I have two kids. Im exhausted too.
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