Thankful or not, the truth remains.
I am a hamster running on a wheel and I don’t know how to get off.
I keep getting into situations where I think I understand what’s being said and sometime later I find out that I really don’t.
I think I’m above the symptoms. I don’t recognize it happening and maybe that’s because outside of them I’m just a stupid person. I can not absorb information.
I can relate to a lot of you but what I’ve been through doesn’t seem at all like it should make me this way. I don’t understand and maybe that’s because something else is wrong with me. Maybe I’m literally just slow.
Anyway in this moment, I want to say I’m done. I truly believe my kids would be better off without me but I know they could never understand that. I’m not saying I’ll act on those feelings. If I want to I’ll call someone. I’m just owning the horrible thoughts and telling you all this feels so hopeless. I don’t even want to keep trying. I’d rather go home to my husband and turn into my Mom.
Do you have fond memories of vacations with your family? If so, what was one of your favorites? Where did you go?
As I have pondered the results of my recent "Testing" post, the term, "Gaslighting" has been floating through the ponderations like a street sign. When I finally started taking my amnesia therapy seriously in the mid to late 80's, the term was used extensively to help me explore what was going on with my memory dysfunctions and resulting psychoses (pl). I was self-gaslighting like a toxic mother...