Nope, not the bad guy. THe honest one. (Often taken as the same, I admit.) Sounds like the guy is scared and insecure and it's coming out as misdirected anger. I envision you in an egg of reflecting light, nothing can get in but what you allow....

You have boundaries and you *need* them.

Purrrrrrzzzz of support and hugzzz,
Leo

Would you ever in your wildest dreams abuse someone for not being able to help you on their day off? I don't think most of us would, so take it from whence it comes. And for heaven's sake, don't help this guy going forward! He doesn't deserve to be rewarded for abusive treatment.

It sounds like your response to him, with the explanations about being tired and posting on DS and so forth, was apologetic. I have noticed that many men don't apologize - it's a power thing. Once you apologize you have given power to the other person, and if it's an a-hole like this guy, they will run with it. They see it as an acknowledgement that you've done something wrong it gives them license to accuse and abuse.

I know how hard it is for an abused person to feel entitled, but guess what? You ARE entitled to expend your time and energy exactly as you please, and you have nothing to apologize for if you don't choose to spend it on an overly entitled user like this guy. You are entitled to say 'no' and not be punished for it. Any time you want! And you don't have to be 'nice' and self-sacrificing all the time. To put it in religious terms, when Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself" it means you are supposed to love YOURSELF and treat yourself at least as well as you would someone else!

Please remember that his anger and reaction is about him and not about you. You may have triggered him but his lashing out is likely from something in his own past. He may have learned that lashing out is the only way to get what he wants/attention he wants and hasn't healed yet.

Just providing a different way to look at this situation. I hope I haven't added to your distress.

Aww...sounds like he needs a diaper change.

More seriously though, lashing out at people because said people tell him he's asking for too much is very much not going to win him any friends and fans...what it is going to do is result in people dropping him on his narcissistic, self-entitled butt.
...Perhaps he will learn from this after it happens a few more times, so it might be helpful to him, in the long term, to drop him on his butt.
I think it would not sink in if you told him why you are doing so, either.
OTOH,maybe it would...after a few years of other people doing the same thing.
You see, I find it weird he's gotten out of high school with this. It's something you'd expect in an elementary student, not so much a college graduate.
Anyway, his personality issue isn't your fault. ((hug))

If healthy boundaries guaranteed that everybody in the world would love you, everybody would have them. Can this be an instance where "IF" really is an acronym for, "Idiot Factor?"

I second the notion that your former student's reaction is about him, not you. I.F. he is job hunting, the reaction might be more about how mind-wrecking the job hunting process can be. That is a seriously brutal process . . .

Gentle support while you sort, muji. I am glad to hear you got that much needed rest.

Oh, he's going to do REALLY well in the work world.

[END SARCASM]

Stand out of the way, Muji, and allow him to self-destruct.

On the other hand ... if you're so inclined ... you could 'detach' from it, and offer him a chance to learn from it, BEFORE he gets into the work world.

It's a classic case of what we DS-PTSD'ers go through: reaction vs. response. He was entitled to his reaction, but his response was wildly inappropriate.

Put an extra coat of auto wax on your hood, today ... just in case ;-)

Not the daddy indeed. In fact, this former student sent me a greeting card in which he addressed me as "dad." He has huge unresolved dad issues. I answered him then that no, I was not his dad or really a father figure, that I don't have any kids. I'm his teacher and my students are enough for me. He didn't listen, kept on with the dad stuff.

So this anger now is about his transference issues and how I didn't live up to them. What's exasperating to me is that I said "no" clearly to this "dad" stuff as soon as it started, and it's still gotten to this--and I'm tired.

Anyway, in response to his angry emails today I wrote back "Give me a break." It looks as if I finally have gotten a break--no more emails for now. So that's good.

Wow, at least he is totally flagrant about it and leaves no room to wonder where his issues lie!

A term comes to mine "it's all about me"

One, that day is all about you, taking care of yourself. Its your day off!
Two, he is thinking of himself in a selfish way. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.

"while I'd like to help everybody all the time, I have to take care of myself and have boundaries." EXACTLY!

When I worked and took a day off, my phone and computer for work was off limits. I did not check my email or answer my phone. You have every right to be unavailable.

Oh wow! I did not see your last response Muji..

That is very creepy. Can you block his emails and calls? You definitely do not need that.

Hmmm.... So we have found th center of the universe, and it is he? Notify NASA! Sorry, being snarky, just reminds me of my sister in a bad way---she'd call anyone but our mother "Mom"---long story---and yeah, it got weird for the recipients. Soft hugs, Muji. May the break be peaceful and long-lasting.

It's great you're taking some steps to take care of you muji... Some people don't like boundaries and become the squeaky wheel.... Let him squeak else where... Big hug for you.....xo

Thanks, everybody. Once again, your feedback gives me the courage to trust my own feelings and move on. That student who called me "dad" against my wishes is angry with me now because I told him I was too tired to put up with his transference. I established my boundaries concerning that instead. A new thing for me.

Then with your encouragement here I was able to look beyond him and see today that six students spoke with me after class here and there in ways that showed me I'm not a jerk to all students. In the past, because in my PTSD abusive home I was raised to people please to the max, I would have only obsessed about the one who didn't like me. With your support, not so.

The cutest story from today was the instance of a Chinese student who came to my classroom after class for the second week in a row just to talk to me. I'm the only foreign language teacher at the college, so I guess that's why. She wanted to tell me she got an 82% on a test and she's feeling more confident she can get accepted into the college's nursing program. She also wanted to share that things at home are becoming less stressful for her, too.

Her dad owns a Chinese restaurant and she works in it. He's had trouble finding her replacement for when she does get into our nursing program full time. She told me today he found her replacement, so pressure's off.

I'm happy I was able to tell her that I'd spoken earlier in the day to her microbiology professor and that her microbiology professor was proud of her and her work. It was true and quite a coincidence that I saw both the professor and my Chinese student in the same day and was able to relay encouragement between them.

Plus, the college showed some appreciation too: I may finally get to teach summer school. That will keep me busy and mentally healthy in summers as a result, because when I don't work I don't keep it together as well. Plus the summer earnings will give me money for traveling back to Uruguay once a year.

Since I first went back to Uruguay in 2009 and visited the corner where I got PTSD in a car bombing as a kid, I've felt that exposure therapy make me feel better with every visit. So being able to afford it makes me feel good about my PTSD recovery's future.

Even in spite of that one student who is angry I won't play the role of his dad for him, thanks to you and the idea of setting a boundary and looking beyond that one thing, it's been a pretty good day. Thanks for supporting me in setting boundaries and looking at the bigger picture that way.

YAY MUJI!!!!

It's compassionate to help people in the way they need.
It's not compassionate to coddle their neuroses, though. So, had you responded to him when you did not want to, neither of you would have benefited.