Just an idea.... You could be feeling physical symptoms from a physical problem and "reading" them as PTSD---I do this with my acid reflux a LOT---b/c it comes with that tighteness in the throat/chest and so on....Then I have to stop, ask if it's still there....


Hope you feel better, but if not, please consider getting immediate medical help just in case.

Gentlest purrs,
Leo

Could be I'm reading some other symptoms as PTSD, true. The thing is, the combo feels like the "big" panic attacks, though, just smaller and broken up into smaller doses over time. A big component is the roller coaster feeling, though sitting still.

I've felt it for years, way before kidney disease, back when I was a kid acquiring PTSD in war. I've always been able to power through it, but I thought I'd mention it this time.

In just my experience, not all panic attacks are big ones, yet they're there and they get on your nerves.

yes I get that, the last few days aside, because these are shredders, but it usually means for me time to draw. lose it on paper or screen in a safe way.

I know you are also heading in to finals there, so maybe anticipation of the coming break? but all the work you must do yet just to get there? are building.

Anyway I hope this morning is a calm one for you. J.

If this is a similar pattern to past events? I'd say take each one as a sign that you need to spend the equal amount of time in meditation or sleep? That's what I get told about my big panic attacks.
This is a big load of hooey quite possibly, but it's all I've got.
Only other thing is maybe just stay in a blanket tent all day and re-read a beloved book or two and ta heck with the rest of it all:-)

Take care of you, and for every little panic-jolt, give yourself a hug from us!

I have gone endless theory rounds on what this could be. Today my favorite theory is that it is cellular residuals from the habitual PTSD responses. As I have gotten my surface symptoms under control, all the internal systems who lack literacy to read the memo are still sending their conditioned responses. I also wonder if it is reception of global anxieties or the weather or light pollution or global warming or... Bleeding from 1,000 tiny paper cuts works too... The slings and arrows of daily life...

Mostly, I work to accept it and let the mystery be. Kinda like my arthritis. It is there and it hurts, but I don't let it run my life. Pause for some deep breathing and move on...

Hope you find what works for you, Muji. I accept mine as it is, but I'll go for a cure if one surfaces.

NERD ALERT (I like that !) !!

Muji:

Since my Drug-Induced Liver Injury, and the now four months of being mostly bedridden, I've begun looking into Mitochondrial Dysfunction.

The mitochondria are the engine -- the power plant -- of every single one of the trillion cells in our body.

ALL kinds of stress (including toxicity from drugs) can bang them up.

I wondered whether PTSD could do it, too.

Long story short: in two seconds, I learned it SURE can. Here's just one study, and the conclusion:

Dysregulated mitochondrial genes and networks with drug targets in postmortem brain of patients with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) revealed by human mitochondria-focused cDNA microarrays.

LINK: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18690294

Our results indicate mitochondrial dysfunction in the PTSD DLPFC BA46 and provide the expression fingerprints that may ultimately serve as biomarkers for PTSD diagnosis and the drugs and molecular targets that may prove useful for development of remedies for prevention and treatment of PTSD.

So what does that mean to us ???

I've also looked into what treatments, therapies, and nutritional supplements are recommended to treat/manage mitochondrial dysfunction. So far, this seems to be the sum total of what they think/know:

http://www.umdf.org/site/pp.aspx?c=8qKOJ0MvF7LUG&b=7934635

Here's what I Googled:

"mitochondrial dysfunction" PTSD

I'm in no position to make any sort of recommendations, here, but ... like me ... maybe you, or others, want to use this concept as a starting point for some of your own research (???).

One caveat: "Mitochondrial dysfunction" is a fairly "hot ticket" these days so until studies are reliably replicated on large samples over extended time periods, we can't get too excited about any one approach.

That said, measuring for mitochondiral issues is difficult, and there are still very few diseases considered to be truly of miitochondrial dysfucntion origin. TO me, it's more suggestive of it as a symptom more than a cause, or maybe more accurately a co-morbidity---the way you're more likely to get certain viruses if you're immunodeficient is the best (bad) example I can come up with.

Just assume that if you eat and exercie as heaithily as possible, and stay hydrated with a good balanced diet with enough vitamins and minerals in it---you're doing a lot ot buffer your body from the effects of *anything*.

So rest, drink your fluids, and take care, Muji, and I apologize for the brief hijack there.

Oh, I agree, Leo.

They don't know much, and they sure don't know if we're talking chicken or egg.

So far, they see correlation, which doesn't automatically indicate causation.

But ... primarily because nothing in the 'treatment' recommendations is inherently scary or intuitively a bad idea ... I think it's reasonable for each of us to decide how much of their recommendations each of us thinks he/she can incorporate in our lives :-)

Big hug for you muji.... A thousand paper cuts sounds very, very painful...miserable
I hope today is a little better day...
I was looking up kidney disease and anti anxiety meds and it seems that lorazepam is a med that some can take with kidney disease...
I don't know if that would apply to you or not however I just thought I would pass on what I read
Gentle hug of comfort and peace for you...x

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorazepam

Thanks,everybody.

arfie, you wrote "Mostly, I work to accept it and let the mystery be. Kinda like my arthritis. It is there and it hurts, but I don't let it run my life."

Yeah, thanks for that. It makes me feel like I can work on acceptance instead of fretting about a cure.

In that vein, SunCloud, I appreciate your taking the time to look up what I can take with kidney disease. If not for a cure, for relief! I have a doctor's appointment coming up May 2, and you armed me with the info for it.

I appreciate it all, amigos. This afternoon I had a power nap, the first one in ages though I tried many times. That always helps, along with the magic of support here. True magic.

I never had them, until recently.

So much rides on getting rest for me! I catch up every now and again.

When I get that, it's generally related to diet and sleep.

If I don't get enough sleep or get too much sleep, it can make me feel off which can lead me to those mini-panic attacks.

If I eat too much sugar or have too much caffeine, it can lead to a low grade jittery feeling that can spike up in little panic attacks.

The only thing that really helps when it's going on is to realize it's just a chemical imbalance that will pass. And then try to get my rest and diet on track.

If I'm able to laugh it helps - watching comedies, getting absorbed in a funny book, etc.

Reed, good to hear what works for you!

Sleep and comedy are my two biggest resources against having edgy little PTSD panic attack-y days. I try to watch standup comedians on TV in bed before going to sleep. John Oliver has a standup series he's hosting right now I'm watching.

Thank God for laughter. And laughter setting up sleep.

that is a great way of saying it....bleed out from a thousand tiny paper cuts. that is exactly what PTSD does to you. It is not just one big PTSD wound, it is anxiety, depression, fear etc, etc, etc. Each one takes a bit of you with it..

Find peace my friend and treat yourself well as you experience this temp down turn. Know the sun will shine for you again and hold on to that thought.