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BF's therapist told him to leave me?

hawkhearts
hawkhearts

(TW) I have ptsd from sexual and physical abuse by my ex boyfriend. This happened years ago but just last month I saw him because he promised to return something important to me and he raped me again. I didn't tell anyone, not even my current boyfriend (even though we're together long term and serious) because I was ashamed and didn't want to bother anyone.


A week later I was involuntarily hospitalized to a psych ward because I had a mental breakdown and the feelings of powerlessness and violation got so much worse in the hospital. I feel equally traumatized by that event to be honest.


So I finally told my boyfriend last week what happened and it's been hard on us both. His initial reaction was to blame me for seeing my ex and tell me he didn't love me anymore. It hurt but he apologized and I accepted it. He just started therapy so I encouraged him today to tell his therapist what happened so she can help him feel less overwhelmed and confused so we wouldn't fight anymore.  


She replied by telling him I'm going to be too much work and he's better off without me "burdening" him, and that he'd be happier without me in his life. She also said he could find a better woman to be with.  


He told me he disagreed and he was upset she said that too but I'm just so hurt from hearing that. I never told anyone because I never want to be a burden. I feel so guilty now and I feel like I'm subhuman, like I'm damaged goods. I feel so hopeless now. What's the point of trying to get help if I'll always just be ruined in other people's eyes?


I wish he never told me what she said. I'm struggling with feeling like I'm broken and ruined and guilty now. 

LillyPotter
LillyPotter
this is a lot; you've had so much happen to you in this passed month alone, i want to offer the most gentle of hugs and only suggest that you do your very best to NOT pass any judgement on yourself

none of what happened to you was your fault and none of it has made you ruined.

i'm so sorry for all the hurts that happened to bring you here but since they did, welcome, you did a good thing for yourself coming here. comforting hugs, Lilly
Rizen
Rizen
rape is never the victim's fault; you need to tell people like the police to make sure it doesn't happen again. and fuck that therapist. that was a terrible thing to say. guilt's a hard thing but you have nothing to feel guilty for. it's good you're telling people now.
donnawanda
donnawanda
That was quite a lot for the therapist to say upon barely knowing the boyfriend. And why would he repeat that to you?! This doesn't seem right to me at all.
BenjaminaFicus
BenjaminaFicus
I am a sexual assault victim w/ PTSD as well and this hits me freaking HARD. My previous boyfriends have broken up with me for similar reasons, and my current one almost did. Of course I dont care as much because I'm 14 so I convince myself relationships don't really matter, but it still hurts. I'm really glad that your boyfriend doesnt agree with his therapist, and if he did then his sorry ass wouldnt deserve you anyways. I am also glad he doesnt immediately blindly do whatever his therapist tells him, because that could be unhealthy because they are humans too, and human error must be accounted for. I realize that it may be hard to take me seriously right now because I'm only 14, but let me tell you. NEVER feel like a burden because of other people's bullshit. Also to go back to my previous point, your boyfriend's therapist is only human, and while she was extremely wrong in her judgement, its possible she didn't completely understand the information and told him incorrect advice? I don't know its really hard for me to find reasons to make what she said SLIGHTLY ok. I completely understand the guilt and I really have no advice, other than to love yourself and talk to your boyfriend on how that made you feel? My love goes out to you and I hope you work this out <3
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
i feel so deeply for you right now. the lies your traumas are telling you are just not true - please believe me - you can come to a place when you will know, that you are worthy of every good thing. this healing business takes time, we are here for you and believe in you.

i can only guess that the counselor was dealing with very limited information. it is impossible to know what was actually said in the session or why. i'm so sorry most of all that you were hurt more.

maybe you can call a rest period and spend a time of comfort and peace. give yourselves a chance to regroup, rest, slay dragons another day.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
My reactoin to thi sis dangerous, so I'll limit the response here to: 1. not your fault and 2. you and BF should both see the therapist or *a* therapist and 3. I have a word for therapists who tell people about "broken and burden" stuff: Lousy. As in, lousy therapists. THey're good for peple like my SIL, who want to hear how their every decision is positive and wonderful and have a paid pal, but they're no use in actual healing.

Big purrs to you.
hawkhearts
hawkhearts
Thank you all so much for all the love and support. I took so long to reply because honestly, a day after posting this, I came to read the replies and I cried so much out of happiness, or even just knowing I'm not alone. I've felt so much better lately, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you!

And as for the questions about why he would tell me, I've been wondering that too...im not letting myself make a huge change until I start therapy, but I don't know.

I've been feeling so alone through this, and my boyfriend has been so cold and unsupportive for the most part, that these replies truly meant the world to me. Thanks again, loves ❤️
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