Hola Arfie,
Here with you amiga. Just sipping my coffee, listening
Sending support, hope & many prayers
Gentle hugs <3

arfie, I can see that it helps to bypass all of the legal rigamarole to just start by front loading the foster fact. What stood out to me about how it's emotionally useful, though, was when you wrote "life is not a two-dimensional proposition."

Now there you said a mouthful. I treasure that I at least have this place to come to where folks get that things are much more than just black and white. In my case not about having children but about having been a child, Here I can talk about my mentally ill mom honestly and acknowledge the scars she left on me. I cannot be in denial about the physical scar on my face that I see in the mirror every day when I shave.

And yet here you let me not just paint my mentally ill mom as only being a villain. I still loved her until the day she died last year. She was mentally ill AND my mom, and here I can walk and chew gum about that at the same time.

I get how sainthood for you would not be supportive any more than just making a villain of my mentally ill mom isn't supportive of me. In fact, those who apply labels like those to us and move on seem to use them, IMHO, as a defense mechanism to prevent the risk of getting too engaged with us.

Engaged, my friend, and sending you support however it is that you really need it.

I'm not religious but sounds like Beatification is significant in the Roman Catholic Church in Religion. I'm always fascinated by the study of Theology and how Faith becomes like a Metaphysical practice that with Love is the new Hope for many... Hence why we have so many Branches in Christianity, where the primary source is Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior, best and better known as King of the Jews. Anyway, I hope this interceeding is helpful in God's Kingdom because I do believe in living Saints in the Kingdom designed to be more than prayer warriors such as to intercede by one's own family members. It is written the prayers of the righteous avails much and I believe it!! And I know it to be true. Thanks for sharing with us Arfie!!

thank you, muji. i will never lose the scars my mentally ill parents gave me, but having been/being a mentally ill parent sure changes the villainization dynamics. in my early 20's, i tried to find a gynecologist who would sterilize me to make certain i never took my place on that great mandala of family illness. no go and i couldn't bring myself to abort when the inevitable happened. the ob/gyn who delivered my second baby happily tied those tubes after the birth, but ? ? ? that wasn't quite enough to prevent the immaculate conception of triplets more than 30 years later. sigh. . . forgiving my parents for their mental illness remains easier than forgiving myself for being a mentally ill parent. who wrote these freaking rules, anyway?

may the circle one day be broken
of violence, hatred and shame
a better home could be awaiting
if we join hands in healing prayer ~ Ada R. Habershon

note
i feel even more sacrilegious messing with ada habershon's classic than thumbing my nose at the pope, but ada habershon visited me in a dream one night and told me, "those were the original lyrics, hon."

you're welcome, queen. i am catholic, so i feel like a have a bit of license teasing papa. he doesn't even spank me for it. yes, beatification is a long and sacred process for roman catholics. in vatican city, you have to be dead for 5 years before you qualify for the rest of the canonization process. vatican city hurries for no human. protestants move much more quickly. atheists, etc move even quicker. i mostly translate their beatification as, "better you than me. increase your social distance, please."

I like the Roman Catholic Church it is Authentic to me and Validates my Purpose on Earth. I also appreciate my spiritual lineage. I’m one of those who lives by the Ten Commandments in combination with the Lords direct instructions. Hopefully we all care for one another with compassion and genuine charity. Thank you Arfie for sharing your values with us. It’s nice to read throughout and see glimmers of affection.

thank you for engaging the dialog, queen. religious debates trigger me to hysteria, but spiritual development is a place i am sorely lacking. i call my religious background, "the schism of the isms." from paganism to atheism and all the splinters between the extremes. in the kiddie whorehouses where i received my catechism, "faith" was the most dangerous f-word you could speak. i was in my 40's before i found the courage to sit with any of the isms.

yup, those 10 commandments are pretty basic, though i still struggle with the one which commands me to respect the mother and father who sold me into prostitution before i could say, "prostitute." works in progress. . . i at least need to respect their dna,