Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I was doing good. I was happy for the most part up until yesterday afternoon. It started...the fooking storm cloud passing over head. I am so tired of being a loser, of being disgusting. I am angry with myself. The cycle never ends.
To make matters worse my best friends husband is hosting a surprise birthday party for her today. I am supposed to be there at noon with a gift and a dish to pass. I have the food ready and the gift is ready but I don't think I can do it. I feel so guilty. She is my best friend. She understands when this happens because she has her own moments but it seems like it is happening more and more these days...well ever since starting counseling which opened a epic con o worms,
Crap on TV even set me off last night. I set myself up all day yesterday by online searching my abuser and then checking the sex offender registry to see if an ex partner was still on there. He was. He just had his picture updated in February. Compliant of him.
I just can't make it to the party. I feel ashamed and guilty about that. I know there are times I can't muster up and this is one of them. There will be too many people, too much noise, voices and sounds will start pinging in my brain. I won't be able to breath, people will stare. I am such a fook up.
To make matters worse my best friends husband is hosting a surprise birthday party for her today. I am supposed to be there at noon with a gift and a dish to pass. I have the food ready and the gift is ready but I don't think I can do it. I feel so guilty. She is my best friend. She understands when this happens because she has her own moments but it seems like it is happening more and more these days...well ever since starting counseling which opened a epic con o worms,
Crap on TV even set me off last night. I set myself up all day yesterday by online searching my abuser and then checking the sex offender registry to see if an ex partner was still on there. He was. He just had his picture updated in February. Compliant of him.
I just can't make it to the party. I feel ashamed and guilty about that. I know there are times I can't muster up and this is one of them. There will be too many people, too much noise, voices and sounds will start pinging in my brain. I won't be able to breath, people will stare. I am such a fook up.
Just have a glance at the clock. Please. For me. Whatever time it happens to be, take a breath, big sigh...and there it is. Please take a look at the time again when it is time to sleep. And again when it is time to wake up and eat something. Please watch the clock a bit for me. Make decisions later...tomorrow...next weekend.
Just eating and sleeping are outstanding achievements. No goals. No expectations. Just genuine achievements all by themselves. They say one thing at a time. Eating little snacks and meals whatever they are is a good thing. Your body is hungry for what it needs. Everyone's body is hungry for what it needs. Throw a gummy vitamin in there once in awhile.
Take it easy on yourself. What are you going to have to eat before you go to bed? What are you going to do when you wake up? Good and bad or positive and negative, judgmental and accepting, they're all good words to describe where your head is at. Thinking is a good thing. Probably a great thing.
Please pay attention to what you do. Will you be a tiny bit kind to yourself? Do something nice for yourself once in awhile? Just sometimes. For me? Please?
Be well.
You are so very loved.
~~LOVE~~
gizzzy ((((((((healing hugs)))))))) sometimes come with lots of tears. I have a box of kleenex for you, Cec. ....it is sitting in front of door to go or come from your appointment.