Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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in the hours of silence ushered in by baby sis's entry into pre-k, shared by newly retired hubby, i have begun to realize shared silence is a flight trigger for me. i'm okay with the silence of being alone, the shared silence is carrying me to places i don't wanna go. all those awkward silences of my ptsd are ? ? ? filling with the thunderous silences of living with the aftermath of domestic trauma, other people's dissociated, chronic depression, etc. then there are the thunderous silences of my social anxiety where heavily populated rooms of people fall silent when i enter the room. and the more times than not when i failed to pick up on one of those pesky social cues and/or didn't hear what i thought i heard.
in our 43 years together, this is the first time hubs and i have had so much time together. for most of those years, we have spent far more hours with co-workers than each other. the hours we have spent together have been dominated by the domestic demands of children and other household affairs. our shared passions have generated more passionate tit-for-tat skirmishes than shared personal development of those shared passions. those shared passions are smothered in awkward silences. the thunder in those silences deafens me to my usual walking rituals of listening for the angels who whisper while i walk.
dunno what i'm reaching for here. . .
thoughts? experience? personal opinions? unsolicited advice for unrequited romantics?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
side note
i experience periods of total deafness. when i run from an ominously silent space, i compulsively make noises to be sure that i haven't lost my hearing again.
Can you discuss at time that you're feeling awkward or uncomfortable with your husband?
Would talking and 'getting it out' help?
in my own marriage, i walk away from the awkward silences and ply therapy tools. i bring up the subject later, when conversation is flowing more easily. it does help tremendously, but it's been slow and tedious for my own nuptials. my hubs was raised with reverence for awkward silence and, you know, you know. . . sometimes i am tempted to go back to kissing toads in hopes that one of them will turn into my perfect prince charming.
on the broader stroke, awkward silences are a common social cue and my reactions to such social cues are part of what have had more than one of my pros wondering if i am high functioning autistic. autism would have explained my slow early development, as well. alas, i didn't see the point in running the gauntlet to test the theory. aside from drugs, there is no established treatment for autism. we were already working the best plan available.