Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Thanks to everyone who "gave me a hoot" this week and helped me get my 300 page tenure document in on time without self sabotage.
I just turned it in! Yay!
I have a history with self sabotage and tenure. I had tenure in 2000 at a university, so I've been through this process. But office politics broke out in the department I worked in, and my "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" PTSD response kicked in hard. I chose FLIGHT and self sabotaged my whole life. I quit tenure, which was especially important job security for a guy like me with PTSD. But I quit and fled.
I went into a downward spiral from there. I lost the condo I had bought, at my next job I failed to even complete one whole semester, I ended up in divorce, and soon I was in the hospital. I mean total self sabotage for real, and not in a subtle way. Nose dive to asphalt. Splat.
So this is my second chance 16 years later. I got in trouble with the temptation again to choose FLIGHT last week and self sabotage again. I was really tempted even though I have worked for 5 years now at my community college for tenure again. The thread where I asked for help said "Need a hoot," putting it playfully, but it was serious.
So I want to thank you that I may have gotten my life back on track again, even though I still have PTSD. You helped me last week with the support I needed not to quit right at the finish line.
I am not guaranteed tenure by any stretch of the imagination. It just means a lot that I just turned my 300 page tenure report. I needed your support rather than throw the last 5 years of work away because of my FLIGHT response from PTSD. Now it I do get tenure I promise not to throw THAT away this time like I did in 2000.
Anybody else ever have this FLIGHT impulse I've got? At work or in relationships or moving to a new town?
I just turned it in! Yay!
I have a history with self sabotage and tenure. I had tenure in 2000 at a university, so I've been through this process. But office politics broke out in the department I worked in, and my "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" PTSD response kicked in hard. I chose FLIGHT and self sabotaged my whole life. I quit tenure, which was especially important job security for a guy like me with PTSD. But I quit and fled.
I went into a downward spiral from there. I lost the condo I had bought, at my next job I failed to even complete one whole semester, I ended up in divorce, and soon I was in the hospital. I mean total self sabotage for real, and not in a subtle way. Nose dive to asphalt. Splat.
So this is my second chance 16 years later. I got in trouble with the temptation again to choose FLIGHT last week and self sabotage again. I was really tempted even though I have worked for 5 years now at my community college for tenure again. The thread where I asked for help said "Need a hoot," putting it playfully, but it was serious.
So I want to thank you that I may have gotten my life back on track again, even though I still have PTSD. You helped me last week with the support I needed not to quit right at the finish line.
I am not guaranteed tenure by any stretch of the imagination. It just means a lot that I just turned my 300 page tenure report. I needed your support rather than throw the last 5 years of work away because of my FLIGHT response from PTSD. Now it I do get tenure I promise not to throw THAT away this time like I did in 2000.
Anybody else ever have this FLIGHT impulse I've got? At work or in relationships or moving to a new town?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
I get the flight response a lot, mostly when it comes to dealing with other people. I go out of my way to avoid social situations of any kind.
Before I went through targeted therapy, I'd have the same response to other things, too. Once a year or so, I'd completely crash and be unable to even think about going to work for a week or two. Somehow, I managed to stay employed and even get a few promotions, but how that happened I have no clue.
Now, I find myself overcompensating for the flight response in a lot of situations - except the social ones. If I get the urge to flee, I plant my feet firmly and prepare for a big-ass fight. I've taken a volunteer job that involves working with kids, which is something that absolutely terrifies me. By all accounts, I'm good at the work, but every time I have to talk to the little ones there's a line of sweat that runs down my back.
I have an odd flight response. I don't not run at work but I hide away from everything outside of work when I am triggered. I don't open my mail, answer the phone, listen to voicemail, pay bills, etc. When I am at my worst I can't leave my bedroom. In December 2014 I had a car repo'd because I put off paying the loan for three months and didn't open my mail to see I was so far behind. I had the money, but completely put off the payment. Once it was taken I could not afford to pay fees and the amount owed so it was auctioned off. My credit was already ruined because I had missed payments on all my bills so I wasn't concerned about that. I hate the flight response.
BTW, I get it a lot of late. I want to camp in the woods. In winter. Yeah. Not smart. But it's not the rest of this, soooo....
Big hugs and cheers to you:-) Doing great!
i am battling a flight response now. I really want to leave this town again too and actually it was a bit silly to come back here and I am not completely safe. But I signed a lease, have no money to move and nowhere to go. Aaargh.
I have that flight/sabotage impulse to the extent that I dropped out of 10th grade twice. My record hasn't improved substantially since. I finally made it into college --after much drama across two continents-- in 1976. Been going back ever since and still haven't even conquered the core classes. Picked up 3 languages and several other etceteras, but still no danger of even an associate's degree.
Tenure? Seniority? Me? I kept a job for 3 years once. . . I doubt I could have stayed married for 36 years (it's all HIS fault) to somebody who wasn't crazy enough to hunt me down in Peru.
My flight impulse isn't a clone of yours, but. . . Near enough for a yes?
I am fighting it as I go along. Fear of making friendships, though I never had many is fairly new. Casual and superficial don't hurt as much when you lose them. Along with my normal fear of too many people around me. Losing John and the posse (so many, so fast)was the pain of that newest fear/fright, and for me more fawn than flight.
This was the first week since the semester started that I could do them with out my normal guards on. I was still triggered, but know well enough now that I can just walk out if I need to, ground, breathe and walk back in. But then I also prn'd before the class.
pretty sure I am a runner, I can't run anymore because I am too sick but I can sure hide.
I am glad you were able to get your tenure application on time! Did they say when they are hoping to make a decision by?
So I'm really grateful for your support through this time when it really mattered for me to go one with my FLIGHT alarm blaring.