Well, now that you mention the psych and dirty pads, she CLEARLY has mental health issues. Is she in therapy? As her parent and the one legally responsible for her (you say), I'd make it NON-NEGOCIABLE that she be in therapy.

Sit her down and tell her that. And if she balks, utter two words: GROUP HOME.

She needs to learn how to live independently. If not, this is what I see for you- her on disability and you with crusty furniture and battles for the rest of one of your lives.

As for the interdependence, I still take issues with your assessment, WN. Some of those non-westernized cultures would argue that our approach is the reason we're going to Hell in a hand basket. I don't think the patriarchal theme is the reason why they live they way they do. And they're only patriarchal in the sense that the man is the one to make the money and the woman stays at home. Some would say that the need for the woman to work outside the home is the reason our family units are falling apart. Keep in mind, I am also a feminist. I say these things because my husband's from one of those "ancient" cultures and his family has nailed it. All their priorities are right.

I'm not trying to be nasty- just challenging views and sticking up for what I see as a great alternative to our US of A mentality of striving to get out of the house and be independent when many times, it's premature and adults wind up boomeranging back to Mommy and Daddy anyway because they never were raised the right way. And in those cultures, they don't put their loved ones in nursing homes to rot the last years of their lives. Just saying.

Cecil- seriously. You have to get her help NOW, or she's only going to wind up in jail or hurting herself. These are major anti-social markers that will not bode well for her.

DeliAnnem,

II once worked alongside the daughter in law of the Iraqi ambassador to Austria. Both Aysan and her husband were trained engineers, and worked fulltime outside the home. At the end of her workday outside the home she would return to domestic and childcare duties inside the home. Her husband and the rest of the men would relax and do nothing while she was stuck chopping vegetables for dinner and taking care of an antsy toddler. She was ready to go postal on her husband, as he appeared totally oblivious to the problems caused by the double-standard. So here we have a highly educated, professional woman who at the end of the day is treated like a scullery maid. Not deliberately, of course, but that doesn't matter. What mattered was how totally unfair the Patriarchial culture which she was born into treated its female members, and the seething resentment it caused.

I hear you, WetNoodle (love your handle, btw!), but I think that's not unique to that part of the world. How many women here say that they get stuck with the lion's share of the housework when both spouses work.

Problem is, women put up with it. You have to put up boundaries no matter what culture. It's just that different cultures here in the states stick out more.

In Islam, they say Paradise is at the foot of the mother.

My MIL trained my husband to treat me like gold so I don't get tired. I'm lucky, I know, but it goes to show you that you can't paint an entire culture with the same brush.