OK, first off, I read that in doses, because it hit hard. I was not sexually abused, but was verbally and physically abused, then raped by a classmate. So.... It was so hard to read, and so hard to feel, but excellent, and I am glad you posted the link.

Second, Muji, if you *had* tried that as a kid? You'd be a dead kid. OK? Trust me. I know the drill. Fighting back? Oh, you're just buying a new world of hurt. Crying "Stop"? More hurt. Puit up hands or arms to stop the hurt? More hurt. In a weird, sick way, silent passivity means they don't have what they then see as a "reason" to hurt you more, in my experience. "How dare you defy me! Defy my authority as your (family member or whatever)!" I talked back once, I was about four, and my own screams haunt me to this day. He stopped when I shut up, and in my child's mind, that meant silence was making him less upset.... Definitely the case, as it turned out.

And with mys ister? OMG. She could leave me seeing stars, but if I slapped her face open-palmed *after* she'd (fill in blank)? She handed me to Dad. And only Dad was allowed to *hit* in that household. Soooo.... Yeah. I remember one time I shoved her away from me, and .... Never mind. Ah, to forget!

We fight differently as adults than as children. We survived then, and now? Now we can block a blow, walk away. If we'd done it then? We probably wouldn't be here to wonder why we're here.

Sorry to ramble, but that piece hit a lot for me.

GEntle purrs, Muji. Don't loathe your young self for not fighting. Your young self went with instinct, and you're here to help so many others now.

kids keep secrets and protect abusers I think I heard it called Stockholm syndrome trauma bonds other things we want to protect our family like an animal will be loyal in the face of severe neglect,, it is amazing you did not grow up with massive amounts of rage it has to go somewhere a lot of children would become abusers after that level of abuse and yet look at you you becaome a healer

Oh, Leo, thanks so much for what you said when you wrote: "Muji, if you *had* tried that as a kid? You'd be a dead kid. OK? Trust me. I know the drill."

I really thought that, and I'm so glad you are validating that for me. We were missionaries to Uruguay back then, 8,000 from US social workers and police and so on who might believe a little kid. Uruguay's the Switzerland of South America nowadays, but back then it was a dictatorship and more like Nazi Germany.

If an "accident" happened and a child died in the home, under those conditions it might well have been covered up. The legal system had been suspended by martial law, and the military government was the kind that would take a parent's word for it.

I hadn't thought that through, Leo, believe it or not. I guess part of me harbors a fantasy of going back in a time machine and dealing with my abuser the way I would now. But it's not just that I'm an adult and I was a child then. I was a child isolated with an abuser 8,000 miles away from any help. And even if we'd been in the USA in those days in the 1960s, for a social work to save a kid from a home like that wasn't as likely as it is today.

free, Stockholm syndrome is the rule in my family. I'm amazed I broke out of the syndrome somehow. Lots of rage remains, no doubt. As a music teacher you'll understand how I have to use every tool possible to get it out, and that my main tool is music. It's not pretty, I know, but the bombastic album and film The Wall by Roger Waters & Pink Floyd is one tool I have used a lot. Many parts of it speak for me, like the song "Mother," since my mom was behind the beatings my dad gave me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdvIUHw31js

It's one reason why seeing Roger Waters perform it in concert this past Oct 16 meant so much to me. He sang it there.

Yeah, it's amazing I became a healer, looking back. It just seemed like becoming a hospital chaplain to trauma patients coming in to an ER was a way to cement my own therapy and healing. My own therapy and healing continued with every trauma patient I saw. I saw myself in every one we unloaded from an ambulance, and it started from zero with every one.

So I would never forget where I came from and would never take my own healing for granted. Thanks for reminding me again not ever to take my healing this far for granted. I hope I've got a ways to go yet.

Interesting article, can't feel my feet right now so probably dissociated a bit. It makes sense and I am glad you posted it, otherwise who would know how we behaved. You could not stop him before as it is like the young elephant who is tied to a post all his life, even when he isn't tied he stays there. Like Free says it is like Stockholm syndrome.

Also, read that when a parent or trusted on hurts us, the study was with rats, we release endomorphines that bind us to abuser. Researchers think this was for survival. If your parents were awful, you still needed to stay with them or be eaten by predators in cave man society. hmm

You should be proud you did stand up when you did, some never do stand up. I agree with you Leo, it is so awful and you are so scared, keeping quiet will be the path of list harm. I think thats what I did too

Trigger, obviously...

My dad would slap me hard enough to mess with my balance? If I made any outcry at all he'd keep going, slapping harder each time. That I never repressed.

Dad never ever wanted to hear us cry out in pain, if we did he'd go into a rage.

Toby, one of my alters, remembers biting the bed in our parent's room so that we didn't scream in pain.
So we were face down with a mouthful of bedding for the rapes we did not co-operate with.

When we started going to him we got cuddled and got to stay in the bed after. We didn't wake up screaming if we slept in the bed with him?
Co-operation earned less brutality...usually. Though we remember him slapping us silly on the way home from the party he took us to.

Dunno why, we were good girls for those men. Confusing.thatwas so yucky.

Couldn't click the link. This class of article is still horrifically volatile in my personal cauldron. I do not tackle them without full emotional/psychological backup.

The question of what we could have done differently is not too constructive in my personal therapy net. Nobody gets to walk out of a cesspool fight clean. Nobody gets to change the past. Nobody gets to claim certainty of what would have happened, "If only. . ." The best we can do is clean and heal the resulting wounds.

Speaking strictly for myself, this sexually abused child didn't cry because she learned very early on that crying only makes your throat hurt. Nobody cares.

That was a horrible article, but I'm glad she wrote it and thank you for sharing it with us.

I just want to point out what seems obvious to me. When she says the children didn't make noise, and had dead eyes, it's obvious to me that they had left their bodies. That is what many of us did - checked out and left our bodies behind. Becoming whole afterwards and becoming anchored in the so-called real world can be a challenge after that.

Yeah, donna, it's dissociating, right? It really shows that her prosecutor background was pretty limited when she didn't seem to know about that from pyschology.