Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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April 19, 1995 Rememberance Survivor guilt

KindShark
KindShark

Another year of not being able to participate in the marathon to remember my fellow Oklahoman's that fateful day that changed us and awoke us all from a 'day dream' living in the Heartland of America! 


Last year this time I was in the Hospital having another 5 hour surgery 'Revision of total knee replacement ' and was really angry being alone in the Hospital during the Bombing anniversary!   To have another year of therapy and hopes of waking the 3k were never realistic , since I am still learning how to walk again this year! Presently the complications of both new replacement failures have caused so much agony I refuse to leave my home anymore!


 I have my own personal North Korean torture camp that I pay to rip my bones out and implant un aligned metal implants that unhinge everyday! Growing up in chronic pain for 38 years I never again want to live out of a pain pill bottle again, so i refuse to accept pain medication the last 15 years and just grit my teeth until I break them and have to go the dentist all the time! So if you suffer long life chronic pain I suggest buying a mouth guard!


The wounds  from surviving that day April 19, 1995 make my scars hurt and i hate not being the strong fighter I once was and allowing defeat to darken my doorways with depression and fear of not wanting to go back under the scalpel!   They have to catch me  for the next 2 revision procedures, because I am going to hunker down and just stay safe hidding in my home/castle/prision listening to to the train go by my house thinking about the final solution!  

Kate1976
Kate1976
Sending you hugs. My date is August 28, 1990. Not a terrorist attack. One of the biggest tornados to hit the U.S. I was just a kid. I heard my teammates screaming in terror as we huddled in a hallway. I was certain I would die. The feeling in moments like that in many ways are indescribable. I am so sorry for what you experienced, but please know you’re not alone. I hope you have some time to rest and recover. Hugs
patti22
patti22
My children's great grandfather came to this country from Syria. I watch the bombings over there and cry. Feels like no one cares.
AgentSmith
AgentSmith
I am sorry for your trauma. I was living in Okla at the time and saw and felt the blast from my middle school in Edmond. We thought it was an earthquake till we saw the plume of smoke in the distance. I feel so terrible for everyone who has endured these senseless terrorist attacks. I am a federal employee now and never felt safe in our federal building. I now work from home due to my PTSD.

I hope you heal quickly from your surgeries and hope you have support in helping you cope with your trauma.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Gentle hug and a blessing......xo
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
KindShark, much support to you. In my humble opinion, you live with the aftermath of what might be the most forgotten terrorist attack on US soil ever. It's good to see others here remember it with you as they do. Thank you for letting me add my solidarity to theirs. I'm with them for two reasons.

1) Because I'd lived in OK until 1992, so when this bombing blasted you in Oklahoma City in 1995 the pictures of the place were still fresh enough in my mind and never went away.

2) Because I survived a car bombing as a missionary kid overseas when I was 9, and then another in my neighborhood when I was 11.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_terrorist_incidents_in_1970 September 29 Bombing Montevideo, Uruguay

Bombs deliver a special form of trauma. The shaking really never stops, does it?
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