Another year of not being able to participate in the marathon to remember my fellow Oklahoman's that fateful day that changed us and awoke us all from a 'day dream' living in the Heartland of America!
Last year this time I was in the Hospital having another 5 hour surgery 'Revision of total knee replacement ' and was really angry being alone in the Hospital during the Bombing anniversary! To have another year of therapy and hopes of waking the 3k were never realistic , since I am still learning how to walk again this year! Presently the complications of both new replacement failures have caused so much agony I refuse to leave my home anymore!
I have my own personal North Korean torture camp that I pay to rip my bones out and implant un aligned metal implants that unhinge everyday! Growing up in chronic pain for 38 years I never again want to live out of a pain pill bottle again, so i refuse to accept pain medication the last 15 years and just grit my teeth until I break them and have to go the dentist all the time! So if you suffer long life chronic pain I suggest buying a mouth guard!
The wounds from surviving that day April 19, 1995 make my scars hurt and i hate not being the strong fighter I once was and allowing defeat to darken my doorways with depression and fear of not wanting to go back under the scalpel! They have to catch me for the next 2 revision procedures, because I am going to hunker down and just stay safe hidding in my home/castle/prision listening to to the train go by my house thinking about the final solution!
wonder how my life would be if i didnt have autism. Would i still be as fucked up and insane from my trauma alone. Or has my autism complicated stuff even mpre for me. I know understand feelings has been made harder, communicating is harder especially face to face. All they offer me is group therapy and with autism i can not cope with that. Not with normal people. My peer support worker needed...
Hi everyone.I just joined after desperately goggling for info and support.Im having excrutiating anxiety, panic and flashbacks.Im alone and could use support from those who understand the hell Im experiencing.I have pets and must ride this out by myself.I tried to talk to my pastor who just doesnt get it.Thank you . All i want to do is breathe