Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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approvals needed

jenflower
jenflower
So a little bit of background info. I work in sales business development to be precise. I had a conversation with my boss this morning that pissed me off. He was supposed to be in a conference call with a potential client as it was mandated by our managing director. He dint get to work til 10 the call was at nine. He even called my colleague to say he'd be late. (Why dint he call me). So I had the call and did everything that he had mentored me to say and I was very pleased with the results. When I got back to the office I told him how it went and I got nothing but criticism.

This has led to me being very upset and uncomfortable. I came home and my husband brought a disturbing point.

I LOOK FOR APPROVALS EVERYWHERE

This not just today but my whole life. I never was ok and satisfactory for my parents (mom). I never got her to say good job or we'll done. This has impacted me so much that I can give you and example daily or any pre rid in my life. I one was told my my 6th grade friend Mary that if I did give her a jar of my mom's homemade pickles she'd stop being my friend. Guess who ran home and got pickles.

Uggh does anyone else have this problem. How do you get over needing the approvals/consent/blessing from others. Does this come when you gain more love for your self?

I really hope I'm not alone

Jen
Lilaolivia
Lilaolivia
Yes... I definitely do...

If you look at my page, one of my goals is to stop begging for friendship...

Obviously I have not made a whole lot of progress on that goal...

I relate... Truly.,..
arfie
arfie
I am more on the other extreme. Give me approval and I start looking for the knife or dirty job you are hiding behind your back. You have to be up to something!!!!

I have participated in speculative dialogue that it might be the same insecurity within different personality types. The dialogues never reached conclusions beyond the simple fact that it is no way to live.

Gentle validation while you sort through your own, Jen.
jenflower
jenflower
Thanks PTSD friends. Knowing that I'm not alone helps. I just wish I knew the next steps to take to learn that I don't need approvals. Lilaolivia you said it best "begging for friendship" I get really upset if someone doesn't like me.i take it personal. Realizing this and knowing now I have to undo this is my first step.

I think the theory is : if everyone likes/approves of me then they can't hurt me like mom and dad.

Wow that sounds right. Painful to write but it's true.

Thanks for being there.
Jen
LeoX3
LeoX3
Iseek approval and then enever believe anyone really approves but is just saying it to be nice and not b/c I did anything good.

You are soooo not alone.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Sure, if you come from an abusive background;, which I do, you're starved for approval. Although I have to say that in my humble opinion you were actually unduly criticized for doing your job by a boss who was irritated at himself for not doing his job on time and who took his irritation out on you. Just saying. You got approval from me here, anyway, for what it's worth.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I look for approval because I don't know what I am until other people show me by their reactions. I am slowly building a sense of self as my dissociation decreases.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Yeah, I know what you're saying about a sense of self on the one hand and dissociation on the other, donna. It's definitely been the same with me.
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