Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Therapy went well today, my therapist is pissed at my husband (who just recently stopped supporting me and sent me away to live with my parents). She says he never acted as though he couldn't handle my disorder and we looked well put together. She is a blessing and always has my back, but we're both stumped at the reasoning behind my exile from home.
Husband continues to say I damaged him by not letting him speak to people I didn't trust about my PTSD and how it makes him feel (I understand he has to live with it too, but these people havent been the nicest to me already). He's chosen in the past to talk to an ex girlfriend, our senior pastor who believed some lies about me before and multiple women who are single or getting divorce and want to be more than his friend. None of which are appropriate sources of support. He tells me the people he talks to now (a healing prayer group at church) agree that it's fine that he take time to be alone and not allow me to come home. (I've been away from my cat for a week)
Any time I make him mad by asking too many questions or with my constant pleading and begging to return home he adds another day to my exile. My therapist says its emotional abuse and i should not allow him to add to my pain. I'm trying to get through this but I don't know how much more I can take. He says I've hurt him by not working, laying around the house and never cleaning or cooking. I do cook on occasion, I clean when I can and as far as the job.. I just can't go out and face people right now.
I found out my new medicine to replace my Paxil would be 105.00 and 95.00 (can't afford to take it) so I've been trying to find ways to get it. I'm doing everything alone after 7 years together (3 of marriage) and I'm so lost.
I'm beginning to wish I would have been killed during one of my long drawn out beatings that caused this PTSD. I've even prayed I'd die in my sleep. I need a break!
Husband continues to say I damaged him by not letting him speak to people I didn't trust about my PTSD and how it makes him feel (I understand he has to live with it too, but these people havent been the nicest to me already). He's chosen in the past to talk to an ex girlfriend, our senior pastor who believed some lies about me before and multiple women who are single or getting divorce and want to be more than his friend. None of which are appropriate sources of support. He tells me the people he talks to now (a healing prayer group at church) agree that it's fine that he take time to be alone and not allow me to come home. (I've been away from my cat for a week)
Any time I make him mad by asking too many questions or with my constant pleading and begging to return home he adds another day to my exile. My therapist says its emotional abuse and i should not allow him to add to my pain. I'm trying to get through this but I don't know how much more I can take. He says I've hurt him by not working, laying around the house and never cleaning or cooking. I do cook on occasion, I clean when I can and as far as the job.. I just can't go out and face people right now.
I found out my new medicine to replace my Paxil would be 105.00 and 95.00 (can't afford to take it) so I've been trying to find ways to get it. I'm doing everything alone after 7 years together (3 of marriage) and I'm so lost.
I'm beginning to wish I would have been killed during one of my long drawn out beatings that caused this PTSD. I've even prayed I'd die in my sleep. I need a break!
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
I'm asking the same question, how can he exile you from your home? You have every right to be there and he has an obligation to help with your medications. Its NOT ok for him to exile you from your home. It sounds fishy to me.
Mine to sort within this little slice of the PTSD pie is defining and setting the boundaries I can heal with. I absolutely agree that I should not be letting him add to my pain. Hence, the boundaries. I work on learning healthy boundaries I need for my own healing. Emphasis on, "learning." In my own case, I was learning about healthy boundaries for the first time in my life. I not only had to learn about them, I had to lose an awful lot of the destructive habits I had to develop in order to survive my childhood.
But that is me...
Gentle support while you sort your own, Cants.
My husband understands that he can talk to others about my PTSD in terms of what *he* needs for support---but that the details of my trauma are *mine*. He can discuss PTSD and living with it, but not my trauma, if that makes sense. His parents and a few of our friends are amazingly supportive to us both.
Again, get to your house---get your cat, your things, your meds. ANd you need to be sure he's not doing anything with your belongings (or cat). Okay? Take trusted people with you, keep 911 on speed dial and your finger near the send button during the whole visit, okay? Heck, ask your therapist to go with you. Okay? It will be sooo hard at the time---but you can then reduce your number of material worries and focus on *your* healing. Just my two bits on a pragmatic level.
That said, I can't even manage grocery shopping, so I do understand very well how hard this is, and whatever you choose, We're here for you....
Soft purrs,
Leo
He says we make $800.00 a month and barely get government assistance with food (it embarrasseses me because there are people with children who need food and I have to use it because we are broke, he thinks he's too good for the food stamps and its an argument every time we renew) so we can't afford to move out.
So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. He gets embarrassed because someone suggested that I apply for disability and housing to make our financial worries less of a problem. I got denied last time I had to stay in the inpatient facility and was offered to apply. So we are stuck withy mother-in-law.
We've discussed that she doesn't care because mental illness is a lie to her. I don't (apparently) have any rights even though I've been married for 3 years and common law for 2. In the state of Alabama laws are in place to protect people like me, but the bumpkin police department get to decide who has to follow the law or not. It's a mess.
As far as getting my cat, my mom has to appeal to my dad about Monster Kitty being my only child after years of trying and miscarriage and I need her with me. Keep fingers crossed that he lets her live here. She is a handful!
No religious reason. The Bible actually says a woman's place is with her husband (among other things that I've had to ask God about). It's all of his own accord.
I triggered myself last night after being asked what was wrong. It was just awful and he got a taste of what I always have in my head. I think he finally understood a little bit of my daily hell.
Why not consider enlisting allies of your own? And perhaps breaking ties with this situation in which you're outnumbered? You deserve support as much as any person does. Much support to you from here now.
Where I live a legal consultation is free for 30 minutes. If you can go see a lawyer to get advise only. Talk to your doctor about what is going on please. Ask for samples of the drugs you need. If you have to go to the ER and get the drugs. This is not the time to go without your medications. I know it is scary but make sure you are looking after yourself and your interests. And if you need some thing in the house get a cops to essort you in to get what you need. Maybe that will send him a message to straighten up. You are allowed in your house .
My family is filled with doubters as well as his. My great uncle sexually abused me from as early as I could remember until I was 7, then we had a house fire and lost everything. I had to go to tons of different schools in 1 year. My father began doing drugs heavily and started sexually, mentally and physically abusing me at 9 (it lasted until I was 13). The mental and physical abuse was carried on by my mother and he until I was 16 when I thought I met the love of my life and was kicked to the curb because that was against the rules. My boyfriend had a drug problem as well, he'd beat me every day with his fist and weapons. Used me for drug money in the sickest of ways. it lasted for three years. I've had 7 years to re live everything. It happens every night and I cry myself to sleep. The paxil I was on and Trazadone I had taken before helped me sleep for a while but not long.
Last night was hell. I don't have a big group of people who want to help. Everyone is too busy.
I don't think living with your parents is good either, I get that you have nowhere to go at the moment, but living with one of your abusers does not seem like a good idea.
I can't drive because of anxiety so I have never owned my own car or license.
Crazy question, but can your therapist hook you up with social services to find a way to get you home? I won't advise on the marriage thing---I'm married a long time, with a few bouts of bad that have included us getting therapy to get through it---but if he's barring you from th ehouse, it's not for a good reason. It's for *his* good. Speaking as someone related to rectal polyps like that (my dad's fam). I've seen it. It's a rigged game.
You are still going, you are still strong, and there may be more options than you know. State agencies, county, whatever--- to help you afford meds, a place to live so you have a sanctuary of your own (cat included!), etc. Just keep trying, and vent here all you want or need:-)
Continued support,
Leo
While filing for disability won't help right now, it could be something to keep in your back pocket.
I am very sorry your situation is painful and tough right now. Big hugs xx