yeah, on meds i feel horrible, without them i have a clearer mind, but then it becomes more "clear" than i like it be...and it tunrs to anxiety.......

I do not like meds, but for when it gets really tough, mine which is a very mild tanqulizer, has saved my life.

I try to use it the least possible, but when is 6am you haven't seplt in 4-5 days and are having fantsies of going "postal"...
yeah, "just take the med"...That's what i have to tell myself.

seplt??? how did i manage to spell slept, like that??

ugh...

I can see you are confused and searching and wondering if there is a way out. There are more than one but it takes daily work.

Learning to have a different relationship with your thoughts can change the whole landscape.

I have been off my Cymbalta and Lamictal since March 22, 2010 to start a clinical study for my CFS. . I actually felt like a zombie on the medicine. Keeping memories hidden and not dealing. Now of course I am tired most of the time. Depression has gotten a little worse. There has got to a happy medium do you think? Just wondering, what meds help you the most with what problems?

Sean , you have a religious calling and a leader of men. Question

You envisioned a calling with you as a free spirited part of the clergy helping others in your ministry. That scenario may not be in the cards though.Many of your flock would not of connected to your free spirited approach. They probably would not of understood what a life of ease was about.

So now you have been presented a cross or a gift. It is your judgement to decide which it is. I would caution maybe to hold off judgement until everything in life plays out.

How you handle yourself now will lead more men than words. If you were to face this disorder and improve an even better lesson for your flock.

There is a way out and if you heal and gain the wisdom of suffering, hopelessness and great capacity or faith, what a great asset for your flock.

You can heal and become a better clergy thatn you ever thought possible.

I would believe it rather than have negative thoughts or no goals.

good luck.

I'm taking Colonopan( how do you spell?) twice a day. Well, sometimes never. Just because i get really scared at night by myself. I think it just makes me loopy though, so I suppose I'm not really on meds. So I'm sorry but I wouldn't know.