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Answer to that PTSD 4th F fawning problem

Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd

Holy cow, everybody.  I got a positive answer from my friend I visited in Minnesota last week.  Not from his wife, but at least from him.  I'd discussed here that I felt like I ended up in what Pete Walker calls a "fawning" response under unfair stress on my visit.  


http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm



So after getting good feedback and advice here, I took the extraordinary step--extraordinary for me, anyway--of speaking up in an email to them both.


Today I got back an apology and an acknowledgment of my feelings in an email response from him.  I'm not used to that kind of response, and so I'm glad I took the chance to elicit one by speaking up.  It doesn't make all things better, but it's one more step toward by recovery from PTSD "fawning."  



When I "fawn" under stress I don't like myself, I think of myself as a coward and various other negative things.  It's like that line from Springsteen's song "Born in the USA" that goes:  "You end up like a dog that's been beat too much/Till you spend half your life just covering up."



So now that I stopped covering up and said something AND got a response that acknowledged what I felt, I feel better about myself today.  It's a day by day thing, PTSD recovery, so I'll take it.  Thanks to everybody here who supported me in what seems like such a little thing, but is really the tip of an iceberg for me.


2magicman
2magicman
Good for you I'm proud of you. In my situation and my past I always say if you see something that is not right day something. Somebody will reach out to help. Never be afraid to speak up. Good things come from it. Again good for you.

Scott
positiveoutcome
positiveoutcome
Very well. There was the possibility that this happened. It was not something for which one would lose a friend. Your friend understands you. Glad for you. You can improve one step at a time.
SplitScreen
SplitScreen
That's awesome. So happy for you and the healing, confidence, and peace this brings you. Keep going. It's a journey. :-)
Time2livelife
Time2livelife
Yay well done muji! Id say its a pretty huge thing and u done really well. Go you. Hugs
Doo
Doo
Yay! Very great news muji :) :) :)
donnawanda
donnawanda
It's awesome that your friend was a big enough person to rise to the occasion and apologize as he should. It shows how much he values your friendship. What a painful but ultimately rewarding challenge the whole thing was!
looney1
looney1
Great result for you and your friendship I think.
silverlight
silverlight
That's great,muji....you took such a brave step,and it turned out well..you're an inspiration.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
That's great muji... He's your close friend so he's who matters.. Kudos to you!.. It takes courage to stand up....xo
arfie
arfie
In my own system design work, we often call the debugging of a new design, "Looking for the 'Kick Here' button." Ya know, the button Fonzi could always find to get all the "Happy Days" machines to work like they are supposed to.

I have often thought that same principle is at work in my psychotherapy, as well. Just looking for the "Kick Here" button. That neural connection which will help me make sense of all the bugs in my cultural connections like friends, family, etc.

Whaddya think? Have you found the "Kick Here" button for the neural system which connects you to this particular friend? Did you understand a word I typed?

Whether you understood me, or not. Thanks for the positive update to a gnarly problem. When hubs and I danced our own version of this dance, we got disastrous results from spousal involvement in the mending of the bond. These days we believe it mends better when kept to the simplicity of the original bond. Incorporating a SO (Significant Other) into a friendship is no easy feat. Again. . . It is okay if you didn't understand a word I typed. I've been more than a little babbley lately.

Congrats on the progress. Super good stuff.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Yes! I am so pleased for you:-)
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
Yes !! the very best news : ) yay you, you did what you needed to do and it turned out right, hugs
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