Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I am so angry at what my family did to me in my childhood how they altered my life forever. Its not true that there are always choices. I had NOT one person helped me i left at 13 and then at 17 NOT knowing that as a minor you coud ask for help that anyone would i was literally dying of eating disorders that i did not know what they were or how i got them. A consequence of abuse. and PTSD and clinical depression made me lose so many years of my life of my dreams because i ad them my family kept me from achieving them as i was only 11, 12, 13, 14........I could not fight their evil.
Before someone says i'm feeling sorry for myself, no i am not i am akcnowledging something it took many many years to understand how a whole life was lost as a consequence of child abuse and neglect and how there was never justice of any kind. Do i think i am the only one? NO and even hough my case was extreme there are probably even worse cases although mine was really bad....I guess i could be greateful i was chopped into pieces, but that is about it. In fact i wish they had kill me instead.
Rant over.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Offering yourself sympathy is a whole different step.
Hope healing happens here, Kaisad.
I was 10. The pedophile there got 4 of us kids.
My mother didn't care to stop him. She beat me so I wouldn't turn out "gay," then got my dad to beat me to "make me a man." She said she didn't want her reputation tarnished at church and that it
would hurt my dad's ministry.
It was awful to have my family persecute me instead of protect me. It's a wonder I didn't commit
suicide when she heaped more abuse on top of the rapes themselves.
Some people don't get it, Mine didn't, so I got a counselor.
As for the pedophile, it scared me that he was still out there. Then I found out that he had been
caught raping another kid, tried in court, convicted, sent to prison, and stabbed to death by an inmate.
I have to admit that I wasn't all that sorry; it actually put me at ease that he wasn't going to do it any
more. Not to me, not to anyone.
Revenge didn't help my recovery, though. Only counseling did that. I recommend it.
We have similar stories including the one growing up in another country from Americans parents.
I have never found a counselor to that helps and I tried many.
I think if because part of my abuse and neglect before the sexual abuse even started was total emotional neglect that does something permanent to your endocrine system.
My mother left for 3 months once and left me with "sirvientas" maids that would put me on the upstairs section of the house all day and leave me there crying or whatever. I was like 1 1/2 2 years old maybe.
That is a particular type of abuse, not saying is worse but a prosecutor of child abuse criminals told me in his 40 years experience for some reason the emotional neglected children never recover.
I do not respond to therapies of any kind. God knows I have tried but my brain chemistry is totally depleted. I really wish I had the guts to just off myself but I do not. Life is only painful and has been all my life.
I hope you read this after your surgery and that it went very well. You are an amazing person who contributes for the betterment of humanity. I bet you are an outstanding teacher. <3
I can not bond with anyone, that part I have accepted and I even kind of like, it gives me a freedom I need due to all my problems. So at least I have no one putting their two cents and judging me.