Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Hey everybody, this post may contain anger-related TW's.
I know this is going to sound weirdly cross-postish (because DS has an anger management support group) but I was just wondering for those of you who have PTSD and difficulty controlling anger, what anger management techniques work for you?
My husband has a naturally laid back personality but doesn't handle anger well. He enrolled himself in an anger management course three years ago after he came back from deployment and he's now in a position to need a new round/course of anger management assistance. The therapy he has access to is provided by his college and is free, but I am concerned they may be closed for the holiday season. If they are still open they are likely wrapping up with current patients, and likely wouldn't be taking anyone new until the new year begins. He plans to call them Monday to schedule his first appointment through their office and my fingers are crossed he will be able to get in sooner rather than later.
He was triggered last night after some of his close friends/family attacked him through Facebook on political grounds. As a veteran he's been deployed in hostile places during wartime and holds fairly strong opinions given his military experiences. I think it's because he's a veteran that these people felt the need to attack him and then got upset when he didn't say what they wanted to hear.
I am confident some of his anger stems from undiagnosed PTSD (the anger not being from the PTSD itself but the trauma that caused it). I realize too that some of the grounding and coping techniques that work for me - or have worked for me in the past - would not be suitable for this situation. Example: when I was a teenager and struggling from suicide ideation my therapist once recommended I go to the dollar store, buy some ugly dishes, and purposefully break them. It was designed to be an outside manifestation of feelings I couldn't verbally express. As someone who struggles with anger, encouraging my husband to destroy things when angry would be a terrible idea.
For those of you who have both PTSD and anger control issues, are there any anger management "grounding techniques" (for lack of appropriate phrasing) that you can recommend? I know yoga and mindfulness are going to be key factors to his dealing with anger, I am just not sure what I can do when my husband gets overly worked up that might de-escalate him to the point of "walking it off" and being mindful.
Don't worry though guys! He's not aggressive towards people and would never hurt myself or our daughter. He's also not the kind of person who gets mad and destroys things. We are 100% safe (I promise!). He willingly sought out anger management courses three years ago because he realized he needed outlets for his aggression and last night we discussed some of the coping techniques that worked for him before. He is also willingly going to be seeking anger management assistance on his own (I didn't have to ask him).
He gets this way so rarely that I don't expect it to happen again any time soon, but would like to have some tricks in my pocket just in case he hits that level of upset again before his therapist office can get him in. Thank you in advance everybody!
I know this is going to sound weirdly cross-postish (because DS has an anger management support group) but I was just wondering for those of you who have PTSD and difficulty controlling anger, what anger management techniques work for you?
My husband has a naturally laid back personality but doesn't handle anger well. He enrolled himself in an anger management course three years ago after he came back from deployment and he's now in a position to need a new round/course of anger management assistance. The therapy he has access to is provided by his college and is free, but I am concerned they may be closed for the holiday season. If they are still open they are likely wrapping up with current patients, and likely wouldn't be taking anyone new until the new year begins. He plans to call them Monday to schedule his first appointment through their office and my fingers are crossed he will be able to get in sooner rather than later.
He was triggered last night after some of his close friends/family attacked him through Facebook on political grounds. As a veteran he's been deployed in hostile places during wartime and holds fairly strong opinions given his military experiences. I think it's because he's a veteran that these people felt the need to attack him and then got upset when he didn't say what they wanted to hear.
I am confident some of his anger stems from undiagnosed PTSD (the anger not being from the PTSD itself but the trauma that caused it). I realize too that some of the grounding and coping techniques that work for me - or have worked for me in the past - would not be suitable for this situation. Example: when I was a teenager and struggling from suicide ideation my therapist once recommended I go to the dollar store, buy some ugly dishes, and purposefully break them. It was designed to be an outside manifestation of feelings I couldn't verbally express. As someone who struggles with anger, encouraging my husband to destroy things when angry would be a terrible idea.
For those of you who have both PTSD and anger control issues, are there any anger management "grounding techniques" (for lack of appropriate phrasing) that you can recommend? I know yoga and mindfulness are going to be key factors to his dealing with anger, I am just not sure what I can do when my husband gets overly worked up that might de-escalate him to the point of "walking it off" and being mindful.
Don't worry though guys! He's not aggressive towards people and would never hurt myself or our daughter. He's also not the kind of person who gets mad and destroys things. We are 100% safe (I promise!). He willingly sought out anger management courses three years ago because he realized he needed outlets for his aggression and last night we discussed some of the coping techniques that worked for him before. He is also willingly going to be seeking anger management assistance on his own (I didn't have to ask him).
He gets this way so rarely that I don't expect it to happen again any time soon, but would like to have some tricks in my pocket just in case he hits that level of upset again before his therapist office can get him in. Thank you in advance everybody!
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
One thing I try is to step away, take a breath and ask myself, 'Is this worth being upset about tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year?".... Usually by the time I get to "next week" it's not.
That said, I usually end anger with crying at my failure and full of self-loathing.
There's classes out there, seminars, and the worst thing for me is that most seem to think it's just so easy to stop-think in the moment. (Not really.) So the first step for me is understanding what is making me angry. Am I tired? Is it anger at something else being directed at XYZ? and so on....
Wish I had more and better, Alice, but I am just starting to try to feel anger safely. My old ways were Ignore Repress Explode (IRE), I'm trying to Acknowledge Release Express Safely (ARES). Those are *my* acronyms, btw, and that second one started as "Safely express, so it was ARSE.... Oops.)
Blessings on you both.
I have a big startle response from PTSD, even when a friend comes up behind me to express a warm gesture. So I don't have a roommate now for the first time in my life. Once I got used to that, it's served me well.
As for Facebook, where your husband got triggered, that's why I stay away from that, too. I've adopted one of the tips from AA that keeps alcoholics from drinking.
They have an acronym called HALT that stands for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. They're more tempted to drink in one or more of those four states, so they practice self care concerning them. I'm more likely to be reactive and trigger susceptible in one of those four states, so I try to practice that self care, too.
It's led to regular eating habits under a nutritionist's care (just had an appointment with her last week), and lots of naps for the tired part. Then acknowledgment when I'm legitimately angry and learning to stop fawning (the fourth F of PTSD, after fighting, fleeing, and freezing) to stand up for myself appropriately. I got lots of help here for doing that at work this Fall.
http://pete-walker.com/codependencyFawnResponse.htm
That's my work in progress right now. So far, so better. Any tips from your husband's anger management course are welcome, ok?
I work to detach from other people's anger. It is not mine to sort. Even when I am the trigger, another person's anger is still not about me. I am only a trigger, not the volatile mix which went boom. The other person's behavior remains his/hers to own or deny, as she/he sees fit. Your rights end where my nose begins.
When I am being asked to be supportive of someone dealing with anger issues, I use my "Ears Open Mouth Shut" mantra. Whatever the source of the anger, it is important to let the angry person sort it themselves. Even when I really do understand it better than they do, healing remains an inside job. It is theirs to sort. Ears open mouth shut on the support side. It is not about me.
Arfie: my husband isn't on DS; I posted here because after we were discussing techniques he had used in the past, I offered to ask around on DS to see if anyone else had ideas. I know that psychology changes a lot and his last round of anger management was about three years ago now. If there were advances neither of us would know it, you know?
I also realize I am not his trigger; more often than not when he gets upset I can immediately identify what upset him and we discuss it before anything escalates. I think this one was different in that he was sitting quietly in his chair stewing long before I recognized he wasn't okay.
Cheesecake -- I sent him the links to both of the games and he told me to tell you thank you!
We also discussed this weekend whether some of his anger may stem from undiagnosed PTSD and he agreed there's a solid chance he might have it. Most of his "anger" triggers lead back to his deployment and I think his time there - and his injury from it - are something he would be best to address with a therapist.
He is going to call his school's counselling center tomorrow to see if they can get him in and in the meantime he is stepping back from Facebook and all things political. He's re-grounded himself in some games he enjoys, and he's unplugging and spending more time focusing on himself and our house. With Christmas right around the corner there is plenty to do here! :)
I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. Your advice helped give me peace of mind and gave me useful tips, techniques, and things to look into which also helped me husband. I appreciate each of you and all of your support.