Hmm...
How long did it take you to figure it out and hit the eject button?
How were you taken advantage of?
What did you learn?

...Honestly? My ability to trust is somewhat broken. But I trust anyway, mainly because I find loneliness excruciating.
I occasionally freak out, and getting close is terrifying, but I do it anyway.

Was noting your chronic pain issues. My guy has chronic pain, but he is a lot more able to bear it since he got his psych cocktail squared away...if you are clinically depressed pain is a whole lot less bearable, also stronger.
Anger can be a depressive symptom...As well I know * looks embarrassed*
...I am still not beyond my awful childhood, which sucks. I've not been a child for 22 years!
I will say doing meditative and energetic work to release rage helped a lot.
T'ai chi is good for pain and for unblocking stuff.
Yoga keeps my back from laying me out, I recommend it.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_stance
If you can, do horse stance, clench your hands into fists with coiled arms, fists over the kidney region.
You don't have to do it deeply! Just as low as you can?
Tense belly, and shout from the bottom of your gut.
...slowly build up to longer sessions.

If you really can't stand that, pain -wise, sit in a chair, feet planted on the floor, do the same arm clenches and shouts.

Might help.

i do not trust why blue dragon took the words out of mouth on this issue , i have chronic pain have spinal problems i do not do therapy i forget to make appointments to see one , i also have brain injury from accident i have learned to lol at myself . i do find it embarrassing .

your in good place here sorry your feeling this way hugs min

Hi, how are you. I was a victim of child abuse and my brother took his life three and a half years ago I am sure primarily due to abuse. I do not know your financial situation, but I think where there is a will, there is a way. I would highly encourage you to get in to see a Psychiatrist and a therapist. Most will make suitable payments that you can afford. They can custom a treatment plan with medication if necessary and monitor and adjust accordingly.

I understand your anger and rage, we all do. That is something that you will have to work on over time. When people think of forgiveness, they think they will have to embrace their abusers. Forgiveness is for you. You take the anger and rage that is inside you and lay it at the feet of your abusers. It belongs to them, so let them own it.

You can get some good pens and legal pads and write as much as you can. There is something very therapeutic about physically taking your thoughts out of your head and putting them down on paper.

And if you want, you can get rid of all of the external BS that would take you away from concentrating on your issues. Sometimes people get into a whole lot of stuff that only creates drama in their life so they can avoid feeling and confronting the issues that y need to face head on. I hope you feel better.

It took me years of therapists before I found an actual PTSD therapist. I got PTSD from being molested as a kid, constant violence in my family, and a car bombing in combat plus other combat trauma.

It made such a difference I recommend it whatever the financial circumstances. The kind of question you're asking is the kind my PTSD doc addressed for me. He was a VA doc with a PhD in PTSD, not just any therapist. I'm a civilian and he still took me on after hours. Changed my life.

Thank you everybody for your words of experience and wisdom. When I read your stories I feel almost ashamed to feel the way I do. I was raised well and believed in the good of people. I was so let down when everybody took a mob mentallity in making my life miserable even though they new I was in pain. I would never have believed that in a whole organization not one person would cross the line to offer any support. I have lost jobs sticking up for the little guy and I would have thought the tug of human compassion would have swayed someone to do the right thing. I still can't believe it. Maybe I'm just naive. I'm sad that it changed my life. I was a good person.

You still are a good person but you seem to have lost your sense of self. You will find it again and we will be on that journey with you. Just remember that you can't compare trauma. Everyone has different ways of dealing with things and one thing is not worse or better than another. Be gentle with yourself..

"I was so let down when everybody took a mob mentality in making my life miserable even though they new I was in pain. I would never have believed that in a whole organization not one person would cross the line to offer any support. "

Wow.

Tears in my eyes.

That's how it played out in my story.

I'm terribly sorry for all that happened to you, and wish you a MUCH easier path going forward.

Truly.

Hi, uncommon.

Yes, I believe I have suffered this phenom for long enough to have projected it across three continents in multiple languages and amazingly diverse cultural conditions.

My big, continent hopping jumps never seemed to get me beyond my demons. These days I am giving it a try to move on in itsy, bitsy baby steps. At worst, the crash and burns are more manageable. . . The trust seems to easier to build that way, too.

Gentle support while you find what works for you, uncommon. Each healing journey is unique.

I understand the feelings of anger and feeling it's a mob mentality. I, too, believe it is a symptom of the PTSD. It especially hurts me when I feel like this toward someone who loves me. I see flashes of it getting better since I found a therapist who understands it. I also had to try several before one from the VA(my spouse is a vet but I'm not).I don't understand why there isn't better care for people who suffer from this. I'm going to try a few of the things other people have mentioned here.Gentle healing to you uncommonc. There seems to be many supportive people in this forum

everybody here has been through pain nobody can compare on to the other but i know the folks in here are pretty much very sharp and know this disorder well,,,, strong support great input stay here you wont go wrong