I agree with you, sorry but I do....I don't think you're overreacting..but that's just me.

Thank you.

Of course I would have a hard tome verbalizing it to my boyfriend/husband (if I had one) in a calm way...........specially If they tend to invalidate me....I would probably cause a huge fight over it...

When I had boyfriends its very hard for me to communicate with them..
Hope you get more productive responses...But your man should be 120% on your side in my opinion.

hugs

It's his brother, right? Maybe if he went without you, it would give him the chance to approach your BIL about it.

"Hey, why isn't your wife here?"

"Well, the last time, two years ago, you said you hated her and called her a B---, remember?"

"Nah, I don't. I was pretty lit. Hey, tell her I'm sorry when you go home."

I can see why you'd not want to go. But I do think it's riding a fine line expecting him to stay away because of that one incident. I'd "let" your husband go and see if he can get some sort of insight.

@ DeliAnnem " it would give him the chance to approach your BIL about it."

That won't happen. The whole family is about ignoring each others crap. and pretend to be happy. And have another beer.

" But I do think it's riding a fine line expecting him to stay away because of that one incident."
I do think it's a fine line. I did back down because I knew I couldn't win. That was just the last time his brother behaved bad towards me. In the beginning he broke us apart. I didn't fight then either I just let my man go. But I guess my hubby wanted me more back then.

Only you can say if you are over-reacting in your personal case, but getting between family members always leads to disaster in my own experience. I have a real hard time fitting in with my in-laws and often choose to pass on their events. I feel well-justified staying away, but get in the way of my husband going?

No way! My getting along with his family and his getting along with them are totally different subjects in my book. I do not believe I am helping anything by making his family relations about me.

but that is me. Hope you find what works for you.

if someone said that to my face, i would chose not to have anything to do with them either.

i don't think your hubby is disrespecting you by going alone though.

Personally I still think if someone said that about his wife.....He should have gotten punched in the mouth by the husband.
Call me old fashion.

i'm a ghandi-ist, so believe in non-violent conflict resolution with my entire being, but i agree something should have been said, definitely!

I had a similar incident with a now deceased outlaw/inlaw, only it was grabbing rather than verbal disrespect. I grabbed back (his throat). I agree with nonviolence, but reflexes of self defense to me don't fit into that general category.

The thing that felt the most important to me, was did my husband understand how I felt about it. Not whether or not he would ever talk to Randy again, but did he understand why that was not acceptable. I didn't expect him to go "caveman", and I stopped the egregious action in it's tracks, but I did want to know he understood why this was so wrong. That should be self explanatory, but you'd be surprised in how many cases one might have to spell that out.

Perhaps you can talk to you husband about the significance of that comment to you and how it makes you feel. Nobody's going to stuff those words back into his mouth, and you really wouldn't feel better if your husband did that for you. You might feel better if he can reflect back to you why this kind of disrespect feels this significant.

being a cancer survivor I believe life is too short for a 2 year deal on something that might be resolved by you being assertive and conftonting the issue,, not trianguating the ole man so mayb even a letter not to be too up front but I see this as your deal and it would be good as a survivor of ptsd to be able to take care of yourself,, bmw

I have no business giving advice on working things out with family members, as that's something I've had to give up for my own safety. They belong to a cultish religious group, and as such justified all kinds of shunning escalating to verbal attacks escalating to a physical attack one Christmas.

All I can say is that such things can escalate. They're not guaranteed to, but they can, and now I nip them in the bud when I find them occurring elsewhere regardless of whether they think I'm overreacting. As for my own judgment of myself as to whether I'm overreacting or not, I judge that my how calmly I deliver the message of whether it's unacceptable or not. I can now deliver that message without drama and still let others know my boundary is not to be crossed.

But that's out in the world where I live now as a family, outcast but safe. In family is more complicated, so I imagine the advice of others here who are still living in family relationships will be of more use to you.

I guess it all depends what your willing to deal with.

My husband was seeking part time work and his potential boss brought me in to say to me what my husband's schedule would be. Just so I don't go "bitching" all the time... His words.

I told my husband that his future boss is a sexist pig and that he called his wife a bitch to his face. My husband said that he'd refuse to work there if it upset me that much.

It was nice to have my husband support me like that, so I can see how it'd feel crappy if you felt he didn't support you.

When's the party?

Mojito I was being overdramatic ..... yeah I think about punching someone in the mouth but wouldn't do it...it stays wishful thinking...And i'm an anti-gandhist sorry no offesnse to you but I can't stand the guy.

Seems to me the real problem is alcoholism: beer is the band-aid slapped on all situations. Nothing heals; just festers. May you get yourself to a therapist who specializes in this dynamic and hope your husband follows your lead. If not, get ready for the long-haul through Al-Anon.