Wow that is very impressive...I think you're right.All i watch is crime stories and the news on TV.

If you're insomnia is really bad and you do not tend to get addicted i suggest going to a doc to get something to help you sleep.....My insomnia was so bad...What they give me is a gwad sent is a very mild tranqulizer that only relaxes me enough so i can fall asleep.
I use it as needed and sometimes i don't but when i do is a gwadsent, like i said.

Your situation seems parallel to all the people who were damaged in childhood and pursued the study of psychology. The motivation was likely about gaining perspective and healing, you were trying to help yourself, and protect yourself. And then to help and protect others.

However, what has been left unsaid is whether you let a significant portion of your thoughts and down-time activity be about things that are more joyful and life affirming. If not, then maybe you need to grow that part of your life and live in the mental-sunshine more.

That is weird, that you bringing this up......I have wondered the same thing for about a year. I always watch Special Victims Unit, SVU ------ Law and Order. Sex crimes. I like the people in the show. But I think sometimes,,depends on where I'm at, in ptsd. To either watch some thing less involved. boring. I agree with you though. I have struggled with this the last two weeks. It sometimes does hurt/ affect my psyche

But if I'm ready to watch it, I do. I try to watch more movies. !!!
I have sleeping problems. Don't want to go in my bed to sleep pm. I take minipress, which is called Prazosin. It helps if i am in bed!!

Do what makes you feel good. Not upset. tc.-

This post in an interesting observation....

I find things on TV or movies that are not real stories or based boring.......Like Hollywood bores me to tear their movies with very well known actors and actresses...I just ca not get into it.

I see actors acting and i see it as silly.IDK....

I like reality, real stories that happen in real life.

I'm a survivor of extreme trauma for years as a child and combat as an adult. My adult pattern is like yours. I've been very useful working in the extremes in law enforcement, counseling, etc. Even now I teach Death and Dying courses to nursing students at a college.

I believe survivors are drawn to the extremes. The middle of the road is not where we found life's meaning. It's good information to know about one's self.

Harm. Does my intensity harm my chances of finding a suitable mate in online dating? Definitely. Does it harm my chances of being known as the jolly fellow in small talk at dinner parties? Definitely. That list goes on.

Do I ultimately feel thwarted in my life's ambitions by not having a spouse and 2.2 kids in the suburbs and spend every weekend at cocktail parties and barbecues? I used to complain about it until I had the chance to get married and do just that. Then I had to get honest with myself. God, I don't want to be that normal.

Do I harm others? No. I am intense and eccentric, but I'm careful to monitor harm to myself, my therapist, my God, my friends, my supervisors at work. I had a vasectomy so I'd never even accidentally father a child and treat one as I was treated, so I'm serious about not doing harm.

I am a talented, harmless, intense eccentric with outrageous life experiences who is a really hard worker and really good in a crisis. There have been gifts from PTSD, too. I am now happy with my life, as much as I still have to endure PTSD, flashbacks, panic attacks, insomnia, and other symptoms forever.

I like intense movies. But just speaking for myself and just for the record, because I don't get a chance to say it with this kind of authority anywhere else, Quentin Tarantino's brand of violent movies is silly to me.

I can understand the attraction of other intense things. Up until a few years ago I couldnt listen to music that wasnt profoundly sad or angry.

Something Ive been picking up on is you get back what you poor your energy into. Problems usually only get bigger the more I build them up. Part of it is validating, and yes thats necessary. But brooding on negativity can backfire. Even if you make it your life's work to do something in psychology, etc to address these things, it makes a whole lot of difference if you focus more on solutions that how terrible the problem is.

Ive tried replacing certain things like shows that I only have on for the background noise with something a little bit more light hearded and I feel it makes a difference.

But I had to get to this point. Im not saying its an easy switch. Im not always that good at it but what I have accomplished has helped in this area.

I liked that phrase twilight used, "brooding on negativity." As much as I don't beat myself up for being rewired in PTSD for intensity, I don't have to brood on negativity. So maybe I can accept that I'm going to brood, but I can brood on positivity. I actually choose to do that. Works for me. Brood on good stuff, not bad.

I think like Letitbe is suggesting, to me it feels like an ongoing attempt at mastery. Like psychologists whose backgrounds include psychological problems, the choice to take on certain topics feels to me like I am attempting to master or gain some control over events and situations over which I previously felt helpless.

I don't think it is necessarily a "moth to a flame" type dynamic as you (Annie) seem to be wondering. Again, like Letitbe says, it's how much of your life it encompasses rather than just a tendancy to focus that could be the key to whether this is hurting you or whether instead it is helping you to work things through while improving the lives of others.