Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I think my life has two parts. There is LJ (Little Jen) and Jen (me now). One is the present the other is the past. I am 34 years old have been separated from the abuse for 11 years now only to find its with me all the time. LJ is a part of me that is scared afraid been manipulated alone and hurting. I didn't even know half of what LJ experienced until the flashbacks. My god what LJ remembers is enough to scare the worlds toughest soul. My problem is that a part of me, LJ, still thinks its the past and freaks out at EVERYTHING. A bump on the bus to the sound a person makes when they eat. The last 10 years I feel like I have been afraid of everything and can't get out and live life or smile because around every corner is a memory/flashback.
Last week was the last bit I could take. I felt paralyzed and helpless I said enough, I am going to work share at staying in the now. Ground myself and force myself to face the fear as they come. It has been so hard. Yesterday I thought the bus drive was my dad. The entire ride I kept staring at the mirror to see if I was crazy or not. I was very proud of myself when I was to get off the bus I walked up to the front looked the driver in the eye (he was simalar but not my dad) and said "have a goodn day". When I got off the bus and crossed the street I felt victory. That memory didn't own me.
So this what I am trying to do stand up and not take this anymore. I am going to be the mother to LJ that she needs prove to her that there is good in the world.
I really need to get input on what I am doing. All of you on here know what I'm talking about and the daily if not hourly struggle it is to cope with PTSD. Am I doing the right thing?
Last week was the last bit I could take. I felt paralyzed and helpless I said enough, I am going to work share at staying in the now. Ground myself and force myself to face the fear as they come. It has been so hard. Yesterday I thought the bus drive was my dad. The entire ride I kept staring at the mirror to see if I was crazy or not. I was very proud of myself when I was to get off the bus I walked up to the front looked the driver in the eye (he was simalar but not my dad) and said "have a goodn day". When I got off the bus and crossed the street I felt victory. That memory didn't own me.
So this what I am trying to do stand up and not take this anymore. I am going to be the mother to LJ that she needs prove to her that there is good in the world.
I really need to get input on what I am doing. All of you on here know what I'm talking about and the daily if not hourly struggle it is to cope with PTSD. Am I doing the right thing?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
The drive you have is great! I would just worry that some of these triggers may become overwhelming.
Its one thing to remember something that happened, or to see a trigger, but without processing it one may not be able to move forward as much as they'd hope.
Congrats for not letting it own you on the bus.
Don't be hard on yourself if you find you aren't able to do it consistently. And like Twilight is saying, these could be really useful things to work with a therapist.
Just in case you are interested, here is my take on it.
For those of us who were repeatedly hurt as children, our inner child continues feeling that pain for all our adult lives. The goal is to heal the inner child rather than shoving her back into the hurt zone in a cloud of social judgement. In meditation imagery, I coax her out of her hiding place and try to comfort her like the nurturing parent I
never had. When she feels better enough, I invite her to walk with me in a world which wants her.
Whether this helps or not, please know you are not alone. This is tough stuff. Please do not try to do it alone.
With qualified therapy and support it would be more helpful....
But you know there's assaying the courage is not the absence of fear but go on inspite the of it.
So yeah you're doing really good I think.