Rambling gibberish warning.

I arrived in the Clan center last night, stuttering in full Zoom after two days of interstate driving. I hate it when my stuttering takes over. It feels like a 6 mile gridlock sponsored by rubbernecking at a 5 car fender bender. Complex data streams all come to a screeching halt at the bottleneck of my slow moving tongue. A-a-arg! Spit! Sputter! What the fuck do you want from me, anyway? Keep it simple, shithead! *Just* get your luxury wheels out of my frigging way!

I have never lived in the current clan center. The clan moved here while I was overseas. The clan members are my only conscious bond to this section of North America. I have a 40+ year psych chart to officiate the summary of those bonds.

Most beloved sis lives in a small, 3 bedroom tract house with her husband and one of our sisters. Her granddaughters are staying with her for Spring Break this week. I expected to spend last night in a motel, but here I am, on a couch in her storage room, sorting through the anxieties of the sucking black hole of estranged family. I donae even have a number for how many human peripherals my 10 siblings have tied to this neighborhood, much less the associated social standings they are navigating. Where's my pre-arranged funeral to attend? Where's the Guest Book I am supposed to sign to prove how much I care?

Got the Beatles song caught in my head this morning. Most especially the snynchopated brass lick that proceeds the chorus. "Wa-da-da-da-dum! All you need is love, Love. All you need is love."

I am wondering if a loving response to whatever comes my way really is all I need. Just Keep ^it^ loving? Literally loving, gentle and compassionate, not sexy. It sure is sweet when having sex makes love, but the two are far from synonyms.