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Ain't But That One Thing

arfie
arfie

I gots a soundtrack for this post. If you care to listen along, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4oTw8ElYeM


Hubs is coming in this weekend. He was a raving maniac the last two times I saw him ? ? ? Not quite sure how long ago and don't much care to do the math just now. For sure, I have been in my current spiral since my estranged brother died in January. Hubs has been in his current spiral since his father died in September. It has been a rough year for our family tree.


I am still feeling quite combative toward my beloved husband. Singing along with Tina Turner. "What's Love Got to do with It." Still feeling more inclined to dump the chump than resume my "Not Working" housewife hobbies in our Texas life. This time I might even visit a divorce lawyer so that I can run my personal retirement numbers without the humiliation of his husbandly provisions.


I am trying to keep an clear mind. I edited out the "open mind." It is good to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brain falls out. My brain feels small enough to fall through micro-fissures this morning. Think I'll *just* shoot for the clear mind. Easier said than done. . .


Obsessing is one of my strictly personal psycho demons. I get fixated on a single yaddah and chase it dizzying circles that lead to chaos. I am shopping for therapy exercises for ^it^.


Anybody got any?

Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Ouch, arfie, to see you write that you might visit a divorce attorney reminded me of my own divorce even though it was 17 years ago. I remember clearly what led me to initiate mine, so I can imagine how you must be feeling. I had only ten years invested in my marriage, though, and you've got a lot more, if I recall. Much support to you as you sort, my friend.
patti22
patti22
I was once that "not working" housekeeper too. I know how tiring it is.

Sorry that the two of you are struggling, Patti
arfie
arfie
A divorce metaphor I have yet to make sense of is, "Throwing away X# of years." In my own strictly personals, that would be 37 years. How, exactly, do you "throw away" years? If my amnesia experience has taught me anything, it is that you don't get to throw away years, no matter how deeply or how far away you try to bury them, they keep coming back. Forgetting is only a fool's wish to do ^it^ all over again. Whatever the many qualities of that 37 years, they are forever done.

Visiting a divorce lawyer is just a paper shuffle which allows me access to a set of retirement/program numbers unavailable to a housewife. I was a disabled veteran, etc., long before a different paper shuffle turned me into an official "Housewife."
Muskoka007
Muskoka007
Good idea to get more information re retirement, that will empower you a bit and sounds like things have been tough. It is a good idea to have a plan B, but plan A may still work out too. You two have been through a lot and 37 years is incredible. Sending you big hug
Time2livelife
Time2livelife
Hugs arfie. Like the song.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you sweetie..... Grief is so difficult and painful..... Anger is one of the stages.... Perhaps you are directing the anger at one another?.... Might this be?
Perhaps getting into some grief therapy together may help you both sort out what you're going through.... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
Zoe
Zoe
I ain't got nothing but hugs and support for you. Hope the numbers work for you. You deserve good things.
lilmissy7
lilmissy7
Big gentle hug (((((arfie))))))
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
((((hugs)))))
jewells1
jewells1
Hi there! I believe checking the numbers never hurts, but using them usually comes with difficulties not counted. Grief regardless of the emotional backwash is a bear on our minds. When they double and triple up before any recovery is made to the previous one? (I'm still in recovery) You are also surrounded by the "loving" family from the union of hubs parents with a hand in the pudding as part of the fray?
Give yourself the credit you deserve Arfie, you have been doing some serious circles to deal with this. So has Hubs, he surely had not recovered from Mom even before pop left. Take a breath breath, your own grief and all that comes with it sprung some holes in the gas tank.

Hugs and prayers of my sort.
Jewell
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