Even many animals are wary of men. There are reasons for it. Many men are lovely, but some are aggressive, and being larger and stronger and more entitled than females, on average, they can be scary.

Good question. I know what you mean because I felt the same way after I was molested twice as a kid by a man, and then beaten a lot by my father.

What added a layer to the problem of being afraid of men was that whenever I looked in the mirror I saw one there, too. Just as the pedophile who attacked me repeatedly was male, my own gender is male, too.

Another layer still was that my mom was an extreme homophobe who believed I'd been molested because I was gay, which was mistaken. Pedophilia and homosexuality are totally different things. Her "cure," though, was to make my father beat me, as she put it, to "make me a man."

So gender confusion and gender phobias from what we go through surviving sexual and domestic trauma are totally understandable. I kind of admire my younger self for getting through all of that gender confusion and gender phobia alive because it was really intense for me. You probably have good reason to admire yourself for surviving it, too, as it seems to be intense for you as well.

Then therapy helped me work through it, like Simpson says. Wow, was that great. I really recommend it, just speaking from my own experience of life before and after therapy.

I echo simpson on all counts. triple hugs~

Hello TieDye. Welcome to the forum.

I have often wondered if gender phobia is the most common phobia in the world. Whichever gender is triggering the phobia, living in irrational fear of half the world's population is a hard way to go.

Gentle support while you work your way through it. Welcome aboard.

Amen to that!
I am also afraid of men. It is a real thing. I'm still working on that with my therapist, but I believe there is a solution for it. Despite my fears I do want to some day date and fall in love without worrying constantly about ulterior motives or if I am safe. I have to believe there is a fix for it if we work hard enough. Hang in there!

I have had issues w/men my whole life. my parents divorced when I was 5ish, and my mother remarried and had another baby w/in a year of the divorce. the man she remarried was controlling, and what therapy taught me, is extremely abusive. I always wonder what men "want" when they talk to me. I can't even tell if someone is hitting on me or just being nice. I am that suspicious of everyone. the hard part is, I really want to be in a loving relationship. I haven't had a boyfriend in 15ish years. I kept falling for the line that guys give to get you into bed, and then never call.
my therapist says this is because my parents divorced when I was at a certain age when girls are supposed to bond w/their dad's and figure out what they would like their future partners to be, based on their dads behavior.

Yep I can relate to what you said. I don't have a comfort feeling around most men, however, some over time with trust I do. I do with my Dad ( not my Mom) with my close gay friend, and with my son. That is a small list and I seem to gravitate to men that are selfish, addicted and emotionally abusive.
Good for you in your young age process this one. Just go the guy that is caring and will be. there for you. You have years to figure this out and I think you will do very well

I wonder why you don't believe your feelings???

Your feelings say "these men aren't ok"

But your thoughts are like "is that even possible to be afraid?"

Well yah!

Men can be nasty creatures especially in groups. Have you heard of what b they are capable of?

Your intuition is saying if I stick around long enough something is going to happen that I don't want

Listen to it, support it, take action usually leave and go be with your friends

Sounds like you've had plenty of bad treatment to have a valid reason to have this fear

The good guys will care for you and treat you right
Take evasive action with the rest, always be with your friends