Lilly, it is sad that we had no choice in the families we got, nor being the target for them. Somehow you have had the resiliency to reach adulthood, harmed but healing. The shame belongs to them. As you share, the shame moves down a level. Over time, events become facts from our past without the huge emotional impact. You were a good little girl surrounded by bad people who did terrible things to you. Those in this DS lifeboat know that your goodness remained in you in spite of what they did to you. Comforting hugs surrounding you.

It's hard. It sounds like you have gotten yourself out of the abusive situation, and you are able to see how you were used and manipulated. That's good, but the harm it caused can last long beyond when the abuse ends and it can be over-whelming to face and attempt to over-come all the obstacles it has created for you.

My father deceived me and others too. He blamed everything on my mother who was a victim herself and people believed he was a benevolent person. I seriously want to vomit when people tell me he was a good man. I don't know if he really ever realized the extent of what he did. He was black-out drunk for a lot of it... But, I relate to what you say. He tried to make me think I was crazy, that my memories were delusions, that my mom's mental illness was the reason life was so chaotic when I was young. It's tough, I still struggle thinking I'm crazy, or not good enough, not smart enough. I have above average intelligence, but he always made me feel like I didn't know anything, couldn't do things right, was defective in some way. Abusers don't want you to know that you are strong, capable, intelligent, and worthy, and so they lie in order to control and yes, to cover their asses. But you know what? It's all a bunch of BS and lies, and you know it. Show the world who you really are. You're a survivor; take your power back and build a better life for yourself.

And regarding your PTSD. I have struggled with it for many years and recently I have attempted to get it under control. I am finding that EMDR is helping me, and I also read a book that I found very helpful. It's called, "The Body Keeps Score." If you have not read it, you might want to check it out.

I hope you feel better soon. Keep fighting and create the live you want and deserve. You can do it.

You are strong and courageous, no longer a victim! You are an overcomer who is rising out of the ashes and will become all you were intended to be! I'm so sorry your family horrifically abused you. I trust you are getting counseling and therapy to deal with the PTSD. Remember, you are not who they said you were, your past does not define you but your future does! So thankful for tools like the above mentioned book and online support groups, churches with support groups and your local mental health counselors. You're in good company here. I love reading survivor stories. My motto is"I did, so can you!' Hugs! Keep talking here.

Sounds a lot like what happened to me too. I am really sorry it happened to you too. Its very very hard. I know what you mean how they lie about you to make you the "bad one" they did and still do that to me....KNOW they are WRONG.
They are the evil ones. NOT you. Please take good care of yourself.

We're with you daily for strength, Lilly23. You're not alone, we get it. Keep venting, ok?

Thank you all so much