Yesterday was a really bad day for my ptsd. Really bad. I was in and out of sleep when I was hearing my brother and his current gf arguing. This wasn't just plain verbal dispute. It was full-on threats, verbal arguments, ultimatums and screams/poured out tears.Not forget, the physical abuse. My brother was pleading and crying when threatened that he will be left alone. This is not uncommon; this was a repeated portion of my past being brought up all over again. Point blank- this was done before with his last relationship.

He screamed, she screamed. She cried and was threatened with words a human being should never hear. i don't know if talking about this helps me because it brings no relief to the soul, as it brings out feelings of helplessness and anger and depression. No comfort. At all.

This made me withdrawn as I was at my uncle's place, who recently got surgery and is recovering. As I left with my aunt, she made it noticable and i didn't want to hear what she had to say. I believe and know that work problems are not as difficult as the ones you face outside and alone. Didn't mean to be rude, but i didn't care. I was suffering alone. I am suffering alone, within my own home. My uncle was the only one seems to understand what I am going through; didn't ask much but he cares for me, its genuine.

I think this trauma made it a lot more difficult for me as it accumulates and I don't know how else to cope, but with praying tears and words. No matter what I do, its no relief. This has made things insufferable for me. I can't do too much at night as my concentration is broken up and my mind is completely scattered.

I pray that God does not let me die. I am desperate to be whole; Truthfully, i don't even know how bad I am broken up. Years and years of emotional and psychological abuse...