Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi All,
It's nice to see something like this, that can help you feel you're not suffering alone and that as stressful the damage is, there are others unfortunately who have suffered too and are trying to survive or have escaped the clutches of their perpetrators.
Basically, my mum passed away when my brother and I, were 7 and 8, my dad remarried a year after to a woman, who till this day, is evil as anything you can imagine. She abused us mentally and physically, 6 months after her marriage for 10 years or so. My dad never did anything to protect us, in fact, protected her. Anyway, if i told you of the horrific events of everyday, i'd never get to the end. everyday was full of fear, punishment and every evil traumatic horror, which eventually left us damaged. I eventually stood up to her, and she never touched me again. She had a kid, whom she treated badly too, and now suffers from bipolar and other behavioral issues. I ran away from home when i was 19, because they forced me or tried to, into a marriage of non-consent on my part, i came back, it wasn't mentioned again, the arguments began, my older brother and i eventually fell out and haven't spoken for 7 years, i left home twice and came back due to attachment issues with my dad. I sought conselling and still do, 8 years on, which has been my saving grace. I have now realised, that no matter what i do or say, i live with a woman and father, whom are mentally unwell and damaged. As a result, the family is dysfunctional. I struggle everyday, emotionally to survive each day. I am now planning on leaving this hellhole for the third time, with preparation of being free and enjoying my life before i end up taking my own life. It's a process i have learned, that i needed to do what i did to move on. Even though my dad and I get on, i do resent him for not protecting us. I hate his wife with a passion. I have been close to ending her life. They robbed our childhood, our dreams and hopes. My sublings are damaged and it's all because of their neglect. My father till this day will not eliminate a horrid woman from this family, so i have chosen to go. I can't express what life has put us throug and how i am dstill here. I am trying to survive amongst a mentally unstable being, who doesn't deserve my kindness and me. It's impossible. The trauma it's caused in my life at work and with people, in the past was unecessary because of them. I need to go because i need to live. I haven'y lived since i was 8. My mum abused me too, so i've had a lifetime of it. My counsellor made me realise that I struggle to achieve my goals because I have no capacity in my brain to do so. They rob every ounce of me. My brother, pays this woman money who nearly killed him. A betrayal as well as. I have no aunts or uncles to depend on. This woman used to make me sleep on the floor in the cold weather, she'd punch and kick us black and blue and even then, my dad didn't do anything. Now, the sight of her, irritates me, as it has always done but i think they're getting worse. My dad and her fight like animals every day, and you are dragged into their rubbish. There is no love here, no compassion, no care.
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Okay, okay. . . Putting class clown back in her cage now. . .
This is, indeed, an embracing healing community. The origins of our PTSD vary significantly, but we are united in our desire to heal. Thank you for joining.
Welcome aboard.
Telling myself I'm normal, helps me remember that I am anything but like the people I live with. To struggle in such a toxic and vile environment, questions their normality, not mine. It's a subjecyive matter but, we all know, normal is what has brought us in here to discuss the adverse behaviour of others - it isn't normal to collude with such torment.
I can relate to you. My life has been similar to yours to some points. I had been abused both physically and mentally by my father. My mother also abused me, but for the most part it was mental. She hurt me but not as bad as my father. So I often don't remember her mental abuses to me and my siblings. I can never forget what my father had done to me. He was a monster to me. He used to beat me brutally since I was five years old. He punched and kicked me like if I was a man, but I was a little kid. He kept treating me cruelly for around ten years until I turned fifteen, when he could not keep beating me because I almost became a man that I could protect and defend myself. He took advantage of my weakness to break me when I was weak. When I became physically strong, he stopped beating me although he wanted to. Sometimes, I go thinking deeply about why he treated me that horrible way, but I get no answer. I don't know why he hates me too much. Here I could see a difference between him and my mother. She loves me although she was mentally abusive. She was abused so much by her father all her life before she married my father. So she was always confused and was arguing and yelling at me. I still feel her insecurities because of what she experienced in her childhood, teenage and youth. But my father had a nice childhood. He enjoyed his childhood among loving parents and siblings. He was so glad when he was a child. He is just abusive. Well, I don't hate him because I can't hate. I was never created to hate. He ruined my childhood and caused me so much pain and hurt. He made me wish to die when I was only eight years old. He and my mother never loved each other too, always screaming and fighting. They are still doing the same. But I really like the fact that I and my siblings love each other although we grew up in a house that has never known love. We created love. I think that my sister is the beginning of this love we have toward each other. She managed to make this wonderful state of security in the middle of a lot of insecurities. I and my brother was responsive, so we could do it. I love her and my brother very much.
Thanks for your post and you're right with your points. I think I am at a point now where I have given up hope nad realised, it's time to move on, even though I always knew at the back of my mind, nothing was going to change. That sounds traumatic with what you just mentioned with leaving you behind. Unbelievable and unacceptable on every level. Children are innocent and do not deserve or cause such distress. I have no sympathy for these people. You're an adult and your kids come first, end of! If you can't lookafter them, you don't have them! Agree with your last sentence too.
Both of my folks were mentally ill, which is how they got were attracted to each other and got together in the first place. They stayed untreated all their lives, which cost all of those around them dearly.
My dad was bipolar and my mom has borderline personality disorder. That's how we came to live in a war zone overseas as a missionary family that my family hoped would die in a blaze of glory and sacrifice. He literally kept trying to get us all killed so we'd be famous martyrs.
When I was 17 he gave me a bloody nose in my bedroom, then gave me a shot gun. Hm. Not wanting to escalate things with him, I ran away from home.
My mom was worse, though, because she was smarter than my dad. She was skilled at gas lighting folks to the point that they doubted their own names. She did horrible things to us kids during the week, but then cried in church on Sunday like a saint.
She was awful to me, getting me beaten up "to make me a man" because a pedophile molested me as a child. Since she was a homophobe,, she figured the beating would keep me from turning out gay from it.
She was even worse, though, to my sister, literally coaching her on how to vomit after meals, take laxatives and diet pills to stay thin, and generally how to have a terrible body image. My sister turned out needing all kinds of therapy as an adult, poor thing.
I kept all of this mom stuff to myself before coming to DS PTSD because it's just not talked about out there in the world. Plus, there's the fact that even with all of her abuse, I hated my mom for hurting me once a week, but I still loved her, too. She didn't show affection like most moms do. When we were in church, though, since she was very image conscious about what others there thought of her, I would take advantage and get her to hold my hand or get her to hug me.
Even with all of her abuse, I was a kid and I wanted my mom's affection. That's confusing to a lot of people who haven't been through it. It can cause them to be impatient or worse, make them think I'm dumb or weak. But a kid wants a mom's love.
I haven't got all of this mom stuff figured out, Normal Lady, but my experience with mine was that she never changed. So getting away was the best move for me, as it seems like getting away has been in the past for you. Based on that, I hope you get away again this time for good and take good care of yourself.
Thanks for reading my post.
I feel really sorry reading your awful experience. It's unimaginable. Well done for seeking help and continuing on the road of recovery and mending yourself.
Unfortunately, people won't understand the need we so desperately still pine for, regardless of the abuse. That's not to say it was acceptable, but as human beings, you and I, and others know, it's a necessity to survive. Being deprived of love and nurture, can throw you in dark places and leave you feeling eveything but normal and able to live a normal day like normal families do. My dad, has never protected us but me and my siblings till this day clutch at straws of whatever bit of niceness we get. It's very complicated and unless others have experienced similar traumatic experiences (lucky for them) then they wouldn't understand and probably wouldn't be able to handle the distress or hearing about it.
You will learn a lot in your therapy, which I am sure you have so far already. It will really guide you going forward and heal those tragic wounds slowly but surely.
You got away before it killed you and I admire you for that. I wish I had the same courage but it's very very difficult when you have absolutely not even a soul to rely on.
Wish you all the best and keep going as you are :)
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:1-4)
Thank you for praying for me and wishing me well, it truly means a lot. May you too be blessed and looked after by the almighty.