Should you blame yourself?
No.
So stop already, right?
Except it may not be that easy due to other things...

Does your mom take her problems out on you? Does she blame you for stuff that's really not your fault? Does she over-react to petty things you do? I know she controls you very tightly, that much I remember.

So if you're used to having everything be your fault?
It's hard to get past that programming.
You think that everything really IS your fault.

Did I guess right?

O my gosh you're exactly right. She does blame me for silly stuff.

Abusers mean for those abused to feel responsible for it. I'm living it.

Yeah, what Milla said. Isn't there something like that called Stockholm Syndrome?

I don't know, I'm not a doctor here, just a patient. But being blamed just isn't true for me, and my abusers refuse to take the blame themselves, so I pretty much put blame aside for now. It doesn't mean I don't think my abusers aren't to be held accountable. But I don't have time to put my recovery on hold until we get this blame thing pinned to the right person, you know?

So don't take the blame, no way. But don't put life on hold until the right person takes the blame, either. That's still putting our lives in their hands in another way, too, in my own experience.

Refusing to take the blame and getting better--the best revenge I could think of after what they did to me.

My best revenge is learning when I am to blame and when I am not, so I can live free of that little inner UnhelpfulCritic.
Been working on it a long time, but I was programmed early and often---I think, Violet, your mom and my sis had tooooo much in common. And I mean way too much.
I did not realize the extent of your home situation, and for that I apologize.

Leo. What do you mean about similarities between my mom and your sister?

Self blame is one of the symptoms of victimization. To this day I ponder how I could have blamed myself for things that were way out of my control.

I guess I would tell every victim that self blame is so common that they need to fully accept it for what it is: a disease symptom.

Simply that my sis convinced me i was to blame for, as you put it regarding your mother, "silly stuff".... or i misread your reply to hylie, and if i am once again causing confusion, then please ignore me, it is evident I do not communicate clearly enough.

I understand now. I wish my mom wasn't the way she is. I love her but the way she acts.. It's sad.

I'm with Muji, set aside blame and focus on healing. You were vulnerable, they were not. You were kind, they were not. You are not weak. You let go of blame for a while and concentrate on healing yourself of all of it. Then maybe you'll know without question.