I am pretty sure we aren't allowed to diagnose...but I would kind of assume PTSD given what you have been through.
Nightmares are a direct symptom, anxiety, eating disorders, and drinking problems are also generally associated with PTSD.
The eating disorder and drinking is what you to to cope with the PTSD, though both of those do not work so well.

Nope, we are not qualified to diagnose, but you surely described allot of the symptoms I have struggled with. My therapy started in earnest in 1989, around the time the PTSD dx was barely a blurb within the confines of VA academic articles. I was receiving therapy at a VA clinic for, "Trauma Induced Amnesia." I had blocked out my entire childhood. I, too, wanted to insist that I didn't have it so bad. Took a total amnesia to pull off that delusion...

It be a confusing ride, eshaw, but you are not alone. Welcome to the forum. May you find healing companionship for the ride here. Gentle support while you sort.

No, we don't diagnose. Accepting a diagnosis is hard, especially when you're alone with it. Hope our stories help. When I came Pete Walker's website was shared with me here, and it gave me a lot of good information. I try to remember to share it every time I welcome someone. Here goes:

http://www.pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html

Welcome eshaw! We are not doctors but you have described some of what brought me here. I think that it's important not to compare what you have been through with other on in the sense that other have been through the same kinds of things. There will be some people with much worse things and some much less things and the beautiful part about that here is that none of that really matter cause people come here for all kind of trauma causing ptsd and we all help support each other love and care about each other. Yes we also cry with each other and be do our darn best to guide each other into being the best person we can be by sharing our experience strength and hope with each other. I'm really glad you found us but not glad about what brought you here. Keep coming around and I think you will find a lot of support. Gentle support while you enter this journey with us.

Welcome to the group. I am very sorry for all you have been through in life. I have a similar history of abuse and I have also been raped.

Even though you say you do not think about the past very much does not mean that it does not affect you - as can be seen by all the symptoms you describe. I was sexually abused from 8-12 and by the time I was 13 I had blocked it all out. I blocked it out for 30+ years and it still affected me daily with anxiety, panic attacks and with strange and uncomfortable images that would float into my mind that I could never understand. So you don't have to be consciously aware of what happened for it to affect you.

When I was raped at 24 I did everything I could to deny it happened. A few years after it happened I finally told my Dr. about it and she said the word I had been denying all along - rape. I still didn't believe her though because I didn't want to believe her. When I switched Dr's the new Dr. said the same thing "you were raped". It was a few years later and this time...I believed it. Denial is something we do to protect ourselves from the horrors of what happened. It keeps us safe for a while but we can only deny the truth temporarily.

Minimizing your trauma is also a form of denial. It's a way to keep it 'away' so you don't have to look at it. It keeps you safe. But I can promise you that you if do accept your past for what it is and accept the diagnosis of PTSD you can begin to heal from your past. But you must first accept it. When I was having trouble accepting my past as the truth I would repeat it to myself over and over until I did accept it. So I would, in my mind, say "I was sexually abused. This is my truth". It is only once you move into acceptance that you can finally heal. And you deserve to heal from your past so that you can have a wonderful future.

Take care

Welcome. We don't diagnose. We just survive. And the kicker of it is, I'm dx'd and I know in my head that yes, yes, yes, I had trauma "enough" to warrant PTSD dx.

As my therapist says, the requirement for having PTSD is to have TRAUMA.

You're not alone. (Like Arfie, I had blocked out or rearranged chunks of my childhood to survive it---as an adult, it came back. Ugh.)

Gentle support on the journey. It's tough but you are not alone.

Welcome eShaw. I'm glad you found us and so glad Muji shared the Pete Walker site... it has been a tremendous help for me and will be for you as well (I'm sure).

Be easy on yourself.... {Hugs}

sounds rigth to me not doc hug min

Sounds like PTSD to me but I'm not a Dr so I can't diagnose either. Our stories, from what little you shared, sound like they mirror. I'm in therapy and have been for a year. I still have a long way to go. I hope you find the support you need while you're figuring out out.

Thank you for being so welcoming here. And thank you for your input. I guess I could really have PTSD based on my symptoms of how I cope with severe anxiety. I feel really akward around people in my life so I'm hoping meeting people on here who understand will help. I am so checked out all the time, feels like I'm lost in a daydream most the time but my mind is blank. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I go blank when I try to communicate at work and its extremely embarrassing. I'm not sure what is wrong with me but its hard to function since I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. Thanks again for your responses.

I can relate. You really don't believe that you have anything that would put you in a post traumatic stress, well I think you told us a lot when you said that you had been raped. I always used to think that post traumatic stress come from people who had been in army but its not true. I did a lot of study on that and I know someone very close to me who is suffering with it. It is so simple to trigger them off. This person had a bad childhood. Sometimes they go through guilt all the time. The guilt is about myself and my youngest sibling. The person I talking about who is suffering with post traumatic is my mother. She feels guilty about me and my youngest brother being here with her but it's hard for her to be alone. She suffers with anxiety and depression. She constantly cries, and etc. Sometimes she just wants to be alone.

I tell her that I don't hate my siblings but I do hate the fact the when she talks on the phone with them, she'll get off crying. It hurts me so much because after the conversation, she'll begin to cry, say things about her kids hating her, think that I'm going side with them but it's not true.

I have a brother who spoke with my mom two weeks ago. He was so darn rude her. He hung up on her, she tried to call him back and he would not answer his phone. This is bothering me because he is extremely mad at me, I don't know why. His daughter is talking about coming out here and kick my butt. It's horrible.

I'm worried because with all of this stress, it's making my mom ill physically. This past Monday, when mom went to see her doctor, she told the doctor how she feels at a certain time in the morning, like at 3:00 am. The doctor said it sound like hypoglycemia. Mom had that back in the 1970s when I was a child, I'm 45 now. When she is calm down, she doesn't have any problems at all.

I'm sorry for going all over the place. I just know the hurt even if it's me. Also I hate when the person is upset because it makes you feel that they are mad at you because they won't talk with you or they express their anger.

I can relate. I still find myself arguing with myself about my dx. I've wired myself to assume that there is something 'wrong' with me because I haven't suffered like others (combat, captivity for instance). PTSD is messy because it creates or reinforces seemingly unrelated symptoms. Anxiety manifests in many ways, and ptsd is classified as an anxiety disorder.

I downplayed rapes as just bad events as well as my difficult childhood. Substance issues, mood issues, great love for my child and soo trying to be a good mum, too. You're not at all alone with your difficulties, symptoms, and self doubts. Not at all! There isn't a test for ptsd, but even if the dx ultimately does not fit, you're welcome to hNg around here--we all have experienced trauma. Welcome and gentle hugs xx

I can relate with you. I just recently started drinking every night and it does help. I don't really socialize with people.

I do think that you might have PTSD. Maybe seeing a therapist could help you determine that.

I mean like, seeing a therapist regularly.. Not just like a doctor that you see once every few months.. but a real therapist.