i wish i knew hun. I dont really know what to say. I have been in that situation before where you are so calm you dont actually care what happens. Like you could just float away on a cloud and never return, but you dont really care that it could happen. Yet you know its not right.

I wish i had advice for you. But i would suggest opposite emotion? try watching a funny movie, something to invoke a strong opposite emotion to what you are feeling.

**trigger alert**

i have had a few brushes with actual suicide attempts, and though those episodes started out with a lot of internal drama, right before the incidents i did feel very calm...actually a better phrase might be 'calmly detached'...

in light of which, i am worried for you...and hope you take any steps necessary in the short term to keep from harming yourself...up to and including a stay in the phosp...

and, in the long run, find a way to get to the root of what triggers you into this emotional state.

i am starting emdr (and possibly life integration therapy) tomorrow, and have high hopes for it being able to help me deal with my past in such a way that it no longer jeopardizes my present.

much love and luck to you.

keep talking.

xxxx,
beep.

Dear Insecure

there are a lot of people here that want to see you tomorrow and the day after that. Sometimes the calm can just be the waves of emotion rolling. If you think carefully about your need to SU, it probably comes and goes in waves. For me its a few hours of bad then a break then bad again. Thats when it is at its worst. If you think you are at the end of your road, you have a plan and somebody watching you would be concerned for you, please get a safety plan organised with your doctor. If you think its too far along for even that, please organise a call to a crisis line. We often dont know how precious we are in the scheme of things, especially when we are down.

Take care,

Chopsmum

I wish I knew what to say other than I care and I don't want u to hurt yourself. I hope u can find help and support.

"Is this what happens before you have a breakdown or actually take your life?"
It is both. Before a breakdown (or maybe it is the breakdown)that sense of calm comes and you actually feel better. On the other hand, suicide (I feel suicide is not an action or choice, I know most do not agree,Suicide is a "state of mind" and it has that calmness, a feeling that you are doing the right thing by killing yourself. Since you do not now which it is you are feeling, please seek help. If you can not bring yourself to do so, go to a friend's house, somewhere where someone will be with you. You are less likely to do it around others.
Please stay safe, the state of mind will pass.

Thank you all, I posted Shrink and Shrink update!

You are really scaring me with this calmness. That is the same attitude my daughter had just before she took her life.

She told people they didnt have to worry about her anymore. People took it like here she goes with her low self esteem always self sacrificing.

No one could understand how someone that beautiful could have such low self esteem. The calmness was a new attitude for her regular demeanor. Little did we know. Previously she showed such strength, it was incomprehensible to see her harm herself. We thought if anything she would take someone out not herself!

Fight it. fight the feeling. Cuz once ur gone there is no turning back. A very final action totally irreversible. Unfinished business oh boy

Two suicide attempts in my life with OD and words cannot convey how grateful I am that I did not die. Yes, I was so very sad, a great portion of my life actually. Now, even though life has not been easy with all of my "issues," I have been blessed with 3 beautiful grandsons and a I am now on a path of healing that continuously amazes me with the simple joys that were always there for me but I could not feel or see them. Whatever the problem is, there is a way to make it better. I hope that you will choose the courageous path of taking all steps necessary to deal with the problem. I guarantee you will miss the good stuff if you just give up. Much love and good energy wishes to you. Find your strength and courage to deal with the issues. :)

jay, i agree.

it's part of the reason i think anyone who still DOES have the presence of mind to do so should seek any and all help that they need to 'ride it out'...

xoxoxo, insecure.