Post Partum Depression Support Group
Postpartum depression (also postnatal depression) is a form of major depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. It is widely considered to be treatable. Studies report prevalence rates from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear.
Hello Everyone,
Not sure if this is the right spot to post this...but I thought I'd try it...hoping someone else has been in a similar situation. I know most people in this group actually do have kids so I'm not implying that my situation is exactly the same, better or worse...just hoping to find some support and encouragement in the midst of all of my anguish.
I recently suffered my third consecutive miscarriage in February 2012...all three first trimester. I'm finally getting some testing done and so far everything has come back normal, but still waiting on some other tests as well. I should also mention that about two weeks after this last miscarriage, we had to move into the homeless shelter (my first time) where they separated me and my BF. I've also recently admitted and started talking about how I was molested by my oldest brother for two years from 5-7years old.
It's now been 4 months since the last miscarraige (February 2012). But, starting in April I began drinking a lot and acting out when I was drunk, starting pointless arguments with my BF, taking off walking by myself, and even throwing both of our phones in the fire. That's not like me...I'm not that girl who gets bitchy when she's drinking. I mean, sure, I've had my bad nights but that's not something regular for me. I feel so shocked and disappointed in myself. Why I have been doing this? But, of all these drunken anger incidents the worst was when I was driving drunk with my BF sleeping in the passenger and...I fell asleep at the wheel! Not just dozed off, but actually fell asleep. It felt like forever! When I woke up I had already crossed over into the incoming traffic lane and was on the gravel about to hit a mailbox! I quickly looked in my rear view mirror and tried to swerve back into the correct lane but this woke my BF up and just as I swerved to the right, he quickly grabbed the wheel and swerved the car to the left and we went fish-tailing into a ditch and somebody's front yard. Thankfully, there were not any other cars on the road, I didn't damage anything,and my BF and I were not hurt...but it was so close. Then after we got back on the road...it didn't help the my BF told me that I could've killed him and that his 8 year old son wouldn't have had a dad anymore...I felt/feel so horrible. I coulda hit someone with kids in the car and killed them?!?!?!
So, now about three/four weeks ago I started having anxiety/panic attacks at work, getting suicidal, and having the worst, most intrusive thoughts about harming (killing) others and myself. It's never anything specific or detailed and it's with random people, sometimes even my loved ones...It's so horrible. And it's obviously nothing that I want to act on or feel the urge to do, which is why I feel SOOO HORRIBLE. I can't take it anymore. I feel like if I lost control or for some reason thought it was okay to do what I did when I was drunk, what else am I going to think it's okay to do??? It's like I can't trust myself anymore. I feel like after the first few anxiety/panic attacks...I've had this huge fear of losing control or going crazy...like I started thinking, "What if I lose control and start hurting people and think it's okay?" I feel like I'm going crazy. Every morning I wake up and that intense feeling is just there...I feel so out of control. I usually fight the guilty, shameful feeling off by about noon or so but I still have my moments.
I recently got into see a therapist and finally got a small prescription for Zoloft, so I've been able to feel better most of the days...but I don't want to be on Anti-depressants all my life and I don't want to HAVE to be on Anti-depressants just to be myself. I've been talking with a miscarriage counselor as well and she believes that a lot of the things I've described sound very similar to Post Partum Depression...I'm assuming that since I don't actually have my own child that my angry thoughts of hurting, killing people is being directed toward everyone else??? I feel like I'm thinking of all the worst things in the world and labeling myself as those things (killing people or myself). I feel so disconnected! This isn't me! I've never had these thoughts before! It's so frustrating and scary!
I just want this feeling to go away. I LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY BF VERY MUCH! I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HARM THEM OR ANYONE ELSE! I still want my own family! But, on top of it all, I have 5 family members on my dad's side who tried to kill themselves and 3 of 5 did. Just because it's in my family...does that meant that's what I'll do or what I'll become? That's not me! I know better than that! I dont' actually want to kill myself but I just want this emotional anguish to end! I want to be myself again! Everyone I've talked to says this is just depressiona and that negative thoughts are a part of depression.
So, I'm really hoping that SOMEONE on here can at least relate to what I'm going through. I'd like to say sorry to everyone on here who is dealing with these emotional ups and downs. My thoughts and prayers are with you all! Any comments would be very appreciative right now.
Not sure if this is the right spot to post this...but I thought I'd try it...hoping someone else has been in a similar situation. I know most people in this group actually do have kids so I'm not implying that my situation is exactly the same, better or worse...just hoping to find some support and encouragement in the midst of all of my anguish.
I recently suffered my third consecutive miscarriage in February 2012...all three first trimester. I'm finally getting some testing done and so far everything has come back normal, but still waiting on some other tests as well. I should also mention that about two weeks after this last miscarriage, we had to move into the homeless shelter (my first time) where they separated me and my BF. I've also recently admitted and started talking about how I was molested by my oldest brother for two years from 5-7years old.
It's now been 4 months since the last miscarraige (February 2012). But, starting in April I began drinking a lot and acting out when I was drunk, starting pointless arguments with my BF, taking off walking by myself, and even throwing both of our phones in the fire. That's not like me...I'm not that girl who gets bitchy when she's drinking. I mean, sure, I've had my bad nights but that's not something regular for me. I feel so shocked and disappointed in myself. Why I have been doing this? But, of all these drunken anger incidents the worst was when I was driving drunk with my BF sleeping in the passenger and...I fell asleep at the wheel! Not just dozed off, but actually fell asleep. It felt like forever! When I woke up I had already crossed over into the incoming traffic lane and was on the gravel about to hit a mailbox! I quickly looked in my rear view mirror and tried to swerve back into the correct lane but this woke my BF up and just as I swerved to the right, he quickly grabbed the wheel and swerved the car to the left and we went fish-tailing into a ditch and somebody's front yard. Thankfully, there were not any other cars on the road, I didn't damage anything,and my BF and I were not hurt...but it was so close. Then after we got back on the road...it didn't help the my BF told me that I could've killed him and that his 8 year old son wouldn't have had a dad anymore...I felt/feel so horrible. I coulda hit someone with kids in the car and killed them?!?!?!
So, now about three/four weeks ago I started having anxiety/panic attacks at work, getting suicidal, and having the worst, most intrusive thoughts about harming (killing) others and myself. It's never anything specific or detailed and it's with random people, sometimes even my loved ones...It's so horrible. And it's obviously nothing that I want to act on or feel the urge to do, which is why I feel SOOO HORRIBLE. I can't take it anymore. I feel like if I lost control or for some reason thought it was okay to do what I did when I was drunk, what else am I going to think it's okay to do??? It's like I can't trust myself anymore. I feel like after the first few anxiety/panic attacks...I've had this huge fear of losing control or going crazy...like I started thinking, "What if I lose control and start hurting people and think it's okay?" I feel like I'm going crazy. Every morning I wake up and that intense feeling is just there...I feel so out of control. I usually fight the guilty, shameful feeling off by about noon or so but I still have my moments.
I recently got into see a therapist and finally got a small prescription for Zoloft, so I've been able to feel better most of the days...but I don't want to be on Anti-depressants all my life and I don't want to HAVE to be on Anti-depressants just to be myself. I've been talking with a miscarriage counselor as well and she believes that a lot of the things I've described sound very similar to Post Partum Depression...I'm assuming that since I don't actually have my own child that my angry thoughts of hurting, killing people is being directed toward everyone else??? I feel like I'm thinking of all the worst things in the world and labeling myself as those things (killing people or myself). I feel so disconnected! This isn't me! I've never had these thoughts before! It's so frustrating and scary!
I just want this feeling to go away. I LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY BF VERY MUCH! I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HARM THEM OR ANYONE ELSE! I still want my own family! But, on top of it all, I have 5 family members on my dad's side who tried to kill themselves and 3 of 5 did. Just because it's in my family...does that meant that's what I'll do or what I'll become? That's not me! I know better than that! I dont' actually want to kill myself but I just want this emotional anguish to end! I want to be myself again! Everyone I've talked to says this is just depressiona and that negative thoughts are a part of depression.
So, I'm really hoping that SOMEONE on here can at least relate to what I'm going through. I'd like to say sorry to everyone on here who is dealing with these emotional ups and downs. My thoughts and prayers are with you all! Any comments would be very appreciative right now.
deleted_user
You have alot going on in your life dear, but I can tell you that having a miscarriage throws your body into a hormonal upheaval that can leave you with all kinds of crazy feeling symptoms, both physical and mental/emotional. I don't know alot about miscarriage but went through ppd about 20 years ago after having my second baby. It took several months for my hormones to get back to a more balanced state, but I did not take any type of meds and wish I had. Many antidepressants work wonders and can help you through the symptoms while your body tries to regain its hormonal balance. Having a good doctor who is familiar with hormones is extremely helpful. There are lots of good support groups with ladies who have went through these types of things, so continue to reach out to others. You are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you feel better soon :)
Join the Conversation