Sorry for all the typos. I was rushing here at work.

The phrase is stuck in your head because it was traumatic to you. It is very upsetting when a person discovers this and you did the right thing by reporting it. You said the first thing that popped into your head. There is nothing wrong with you and it was a natural reaction to your upset. Try not to think about it or let it bother you too much. Also don't beat yourself up too much. Hope that this makes you feel better!

Hi.....haven't been on here in a while. My daughter just had her 1st birthday on Oct. 24! I am still dealing with ITs as well. Just tonight my daughter crawled near our dog crate and my husband joked about her being in there. I know he meant no harm, but all I could think was I could put her in there and ignore her. Then came the tears! It's been a rough PPD week. My doc is trying to lower one of my meds. I also hurt my knee and just seem tired all the time. So by the time I have a minute to scrap book etc....I just want to fall into bed! Hang in there......hold on tight!

im soo glad u posted this.. i have those same IT. i have 2 daughters
and i cant stop the thoughts im seeing a counselor and told her about this she says its all in my mind that i dnt fit the pedafile mold
but i still cant stop thinking about it and it makes me feel horrible
hope we keep in touch until we get through this

I totally can understand where you are comming from. Ever since I have had my son ( he is going ot be 3 in feb) I just cant stop playing sinarios over in my head on the " what if's". It drives me nuts! I feel like I am crazy. I get these horrible images in my head of something bad happening, and I dont want those thoughts there! AHHHH
I had a misscarriage before I had my son, and I think going through that kind of triggers my mind into these thoughts that I dont want to have. OR maybe its the mommy instinct kicking in and sets a red flag so you are more aware. i dunno. All I know is I am due again with my second child in March, and I am so scared that the thoughts I have are going to get as bad as they were, or even worse.

this is a lot more common than you realize. the reason you are so distressed by this is quite obvious- you wonder if perhaps you are turned on by infants? you know you could molest your son since you are with him all the time. you could do anything you wanted to him. but here's the thing- you wouldn't. the reason you wouldn't is quite obvious as well. you are distressed because you think it's sick and crazy that someone is turned on by infants. that was your initial response. then it started to wear on you. that's when anxiety came in to play. that's when you started worrying if you are the type who is a sick monster. now you are trying to prove that you aren't but you aren't but you don't feel confident. if someone came and accused you of being turned on by him, you would be indignant and furious. you do KNOW that you are not but the anxiety is making you doubt yourself. the important thing to know is this not a blasphemous connection to make. people think things like that all the time. you are washing your baby and think that you could drown it. you could leave it at the gas station on purpose. you could stop feeding him. you could do all kinds of things but you wouldn't. when people who are not affected by anxiety have these thoughts they drift away but you have an emotional reaction to them that makes them stick around. one way to deal with this is to follow a cognitive behavior method called AWARE:
this is from a cognitive behavior therapy book. this will help you desensitize to things that are causing you anxiety. "panic attack workbook: a guided program for beating the panic trick." by dr. david carbonell.

here are the steps to take when we panic (or become anxious) it's the acronym AWARE.

A-cknowledge and accept-accept your feeling of anxiety and become aware of the symptoms. know that you are safe even though you are scared and that it's ok to panic.

W-ait. our gut instinct is to flee or change our behavior or try to stop the panic. Wait to respond so you don't reinforce the idea of being "in danger" by reacting to the panic. know that you can escape but delay the decision. stay where you are.

A-ctions to make yourself more comfortable. We're not trying to stop the panic attack. it will end no matter what and struggling keeps us ill rather than helps us get better. do belly breathing. go to axietycoach.com to see dr. carbonell do the belly breathing. also, keep fulfilling your "role." if you're shopping, keep shopping. if you're driving, merge, change lanes. if you're preparing food for your child, keep preparing food. do whatever your role is at that time. a lot of anxiety comes from resisting our role. for instance, your role when you're a passenger in a car is to sit comfortably and let the time pass. people get anxious b/c they want to be elsewhere (but they aren't), they feel the need to walk or run (but they can't). they're resisting the role. another technique to use is "the rule of opposites". your gut instinct is your bodies response to "danger" but we're actually only experiencing "discomfort". by reacting like it's danger, the panic cycle persists. we should do the opposite of our gut instinct. if we're walking on a bridge and we're stiff, clinging to the railing and holding our breath, we should let go of the railing, do belly breathing and maybe do a hop or two. our brain gets the message that we're doing the opposite of our instinct so we're probably not in danger.

R-epeat. the anxiety may begin to get better, then get worse. keep doing the techniques.

E-nd. we are not trying to end the panic, but ride it out so we can become desensitized to it. the panic will end. they always do. the catastrophic thoughts we have never happen. the catastrophic thoughts are just a symptom of panic.

it's important to remember that you have a prefrontal cortex which helps you identify right from wrong and prevents you from doing the things your catastrophic thoughts tell you you could do. you could poison your son, perform a sex act on him, kill him etc. in theory you could since you are with him. in reality you would never do that. therefore the thoughts are wrong. it's good to know that and remember that but fighting anxiety with reason is not the bes thing to do. fighting the anxiety makes it persist and anxiety makes us irrational. do the aware steps and the fear response will ebb away.