Thanks for all the recommendations. Your all so very kind. I will make notes of it and check the links out.

When I was a child and being abused daily, I suffered from constant illnesses. I also had undiagnosed food allergies and so a large part of my illnesses were actually allergic reactions. I did notice too that the only time I was shown symapthy and comapssion by my then abuser was when i was ill, so as i look back now I wonder how much of my illnesses were the result of having been abused and wanting comfort. It's so sad that both the abuse and the comfrt came from the same source.
As an adult I tended to respond the same way to being abused, by getting ill afterwards, especially when the frequency of the abuse increased. However i don't believe that it was all psychosymatic.(spelling?) I believe that not only does abuse cause physical illness, i think it also causes emotiona, mental illness. I know the current train of thouught is that mental illness is strictly inherited and caused by dna, but I don't agree. In my family there is a history of abuse and resulting mental illness and there is also the genetic factor but I think people who are genetically prone to mental illness who are raised in a loving home, are much less likely to develope mental illness. But that is my nonprofessional opinion. I firmly believe in nurture versus nature.
I think ongoing abuse causes a weakened immune system and it causes physical changes in the brain chemistry. I have heard too that memories of abuse cause deep grooves in the memory structure of the brain, so if that is true that would explain why ptsd is so hard to treat and overcome.

Have you ever noticed that the abusers we end up with always seem to have stories of abuse as well? I have to wonder how many were really abused? My last abuser says that is one of our connections yet his mother states thier was no abuse, so not sure what the real story is. I am not sure.

When stress is high my back goes out. and takes a long time to heal. And I just get the aches and pains. Sometimes I enjoy a few beers to relax at the end of the day and it helps me sleep. But it's keeping me overweight. Need to meditate and get healthier habits!

Peaceful, I will also drink a couple beers to unwind at times, but I have to watch that and guage my moods. If I am pretty down, alchol being a depressant, well it is not a good thing to drink as it can lower my mood further. Luckily ( or maybe not) I was raised in an alcoholic household, so I am hypervigilant about alcohol and I tend to error on the side of watching my intake. I will not hang around friends that drink heavily as I notice I will drink more to try to keep up with them and that is not good. I also tend to not eat when I drink so I get a buzz easily. I am not small boned and though I would like to be lighter in weight I still can't drink alot so I can't keep up with partyers.
So I keep my alcohol at home, I keep at at just a couple at night and eat before bed ( not every night and according to mood) I do not drink anything heavy.
Wow, that was alot of information..haha sorry.
Just with the emotional, mental and physical abuse I have been through I feel drugs or alcohol could be easily abused in my case.

I agree, a healthy lifestyle would be a good choice. I lack desire and motivation right now. I hope to find that soon.

"Have you ever noticed that the abusers we end up with always seem to have stories of abuse as well?"

Many of them have. my exh was horribly abused by both of his parents who were both alcoholics. I know it was true as his siblings were abused too and admitted it to me.
My exbf never actually used the word abuse to describe his punishment as a child, but he admitted his dad used corporal punishment on him. Somehow I always suspected there was a lot more to their relationshi, in the way of abuse than what he admitted.
But obviously not every abused child grows up to be an abuser. Many grow up to be repeated victims of abuse.
I believe that men tend to pattern their behavior after their fathers while women tend to pattern their behavior after their mothers.
Children learn through example and by what they are shown and what they experience growing up.
But ultimately abuse is a choice and will always be unacceptable no matter what the abuser grew up with or was shown.

I believe that men tend to pattern their behavior after their fathers while women tend to pattern their behavior after their mothers.
Quoted by Learned

I believe you are onto something there. I was so much like my Mother, enabling, co dependant, meek and almost sub-serviant to my ex husband in that I revolved my world around him, as she did my father. Luckily my ex husband was nowhere near as domineering and mean as my father, nor was he an alcoholic, matter of fact he did not even drink. But I made his plates, waited on him back and call, to the point he called me needy and clingy. I got past that and became rather independant and to where I was rarely home later in the marriage. It was like I went from adoration to resentment. :(
My older brother is exactly like my father, no respect for women, domineering, ended up in substance abuse treatment for drugs and alcohol and emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. It is true the apple does not fall far from the tree. :(