I think these types play with your head because that is how they live their lives. They are only concerned with their own needs and getting what they want. I think, they abhor signs of separateness. Therefore, you are not allowed to behave, think, or feel in any way that disturbs the image they have of you and how they think you should be. If you do, then they think it is their job not to support you, but to put you in your place. There is nothing wrong with you, but if you step back and think about what he says to you, how he lies, and how he carries on in his life, maybe you can begin to see just how dysfunctional he is. Good luck and hugs go out to you.

i agree with susan.i go over this in my own head my my husband plays with mine.
i truly think its a game and one day you are everything to them and they LOVE you sooooo much.the next you are nothing and they HATE you..
beats me.i wish it didn't piss me off so bad.it does.the minute and i mean minute i give him a chance let him in he plays with me.
sorry kinda dealing with my own issues with him.
i wish i could say more.i again do agree with susan and believe me i try.its hard to think sometimes and take that step back.for you and me i hope we can and then move on.realize its not us and move on..hugs and you are not alone...

Hi sistermarie ---

In your profile, you talk about trying to figure out how to get out and stay away from abuse.

It's all about building your self-regard and self-worth. It really all boils down to that.

Building self-worth is founded in self-care.

Begin practicing self-care, every moment of every day, and eventually you'll simply no longer tolerate any kind of disrespect or abuse aimed in your direction.

Be well,

Ilene

it woudnt be called abuse otherwise.

Its all to disorient you and make you a victim.

I also really don't understand the mind games. I believe it is people who cannot properly express themselves verbally ... no maybe not because I don't think these people even try or have any intentions of opening up verbally. They are usually quite closed people do you think?

My ex and I live in separate houses now and have done for a year. Throughout that year though my ex has persuaded me to continue with the relationship, which has been recurring nice few days, a week apart etc etc etc. Last friday it was my 50th birthday and we had been apart for 4 weeks. The day after my birthday I got a text message which said "Are you angry that I didn't wish you a happy birthday?". What the hell does that mean? He wanted me to be angry .... he purposely didn't wish me happy birthday ... why ??????

I don't understand it and I don't think anyone should try and understand it cos its cruelty.

Try and understand (as I am trying) to understand why we are putting up with it !!!

Take care and hugs to you

Abuse is all about power and control, those two things, those two t hings only. And everything they do is to those two ends.

Mostly what I read here is "crazy-making". It is designed to create chaos in your mind, so that you are spending ALL of your time wondering what you did to upset them, what's wrong with you, why they stopped loving you....

They want you orbiting around them, with never a thought or need of your own, but to be concerned with only serving their needs. And....you will NEVER satisfy them, NEVER do enough. Just when you think you've met their expectations, or even exceded them, they will change what they want. Abuse will change and mutate, and it will NEVER end.

Just remember POWER and CONTROL...that's all it's about.


Hugs...

Hi Sistermarie,

The reason they play these kind of games is to keep you off balance..and there were times when this happened to me when I seriously thought I was losing my mind..it's all about control as well.

I am betting that you're feeling totally confused with his hot & cold behaviour and also constantly second guessing yourself?

That is why he's doing it.

Hugs
Sharonxoxo

Mental/Emotional Abuse:

Giving intimidating looks and gestures.

PLAYING MIND GAMES.

Twisting the facts around, making you feel like you're losing your mind.

Not accepting blame.

WRONGFUL ACCUSATIONS.

Lying, manipulation, insults, humiliation and/or making you feel badly about yourself.

Not listening to your point of view, being jealous or possessive, excessive paging or calling, intercepting your phone message or emails, not allowing you to have or limiting contact with friends or family, controlling where you go and when, stalking.

ACCUSATIONS OF CHEATING.

Using male privilege.

Deliberately disappointing you, and hurting you emotionally, ignoring you.


Verbal Abuse:

Yelling, shouting, swearing, arguing, interrupting, unexpected anger, talking over you, put downs, name calling, talking down to you or patronizing you, using loud and threatening tone and language, misunderstanding you, intimidating you, mocking you, abusive language, lying, revising history, blaming, no empathy.


It is crazy..But 'mind games' are all designed to make you confused..

Emotional abusers will hide their abuse in acts that they can claim were done to "try and help" their partner.

One of the more subtle but effective ways an abuser can 'wind' his partner up is by crazy making behaviours, and then denying your experience, especially also by then invalidating/rejecting/showing no compassion your feelings - Often in conjunction with a deliberate act of malice that was designed to upset or hurt the partner.

One of the most difficult things about identifying and leaving someone who is a psychological and emotional abuser, is the 'crazy making' aspects of emotional abuse.

REALLY successful abusers hide their abuse incredibly well. They know how to twist and manipulate language, situations and people.

Yes cleggy...He said 'Are you angry that I didn't wish you a happy birthday?". What the hell does that mean? He wanted me to be angry .... he purposely didn't wish me happy birthday ... why ??????'....Its simple really..Yes he deliberately wanted to make you upset and angry by not wishing you a happy birthday..and was waiting for his response..Which should have been an upset and hurt you!


This is all so that he can see proof that he has control over you, and your emotions..That is why they do it..They 'abuse you' for this very reason..

Its all about 'control'. They play mind games with you to see their evident effect on you. Your pain and confusion, is all good to them..

It is sick, and sadly, that is the abusers payoff..