Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been a bit in knots this weekend after my blow up on the phone with my now ex last Wed where I was told that it just isnt working out and basically I was blamed for everything that went wrong in the relationship and I ended up losing it on him out of anger, hurt and defensive behavior. I knew he had been cheating, I just could not prove it and after our phone call, his friend sent me an inbox message telling me that I was right. He never would admit to it.
Anyway, I guess my question is this. We share no property, no lease, no children, do not live in the same town. The things I left there I told him to just throw away or burn, and I will with his. ( nothing of importance) The only thing I have of his is outside and he brought it here as mine was broke down at the time, a riding mower. He wanted to have the storage anyway and has another one so he does not need it.
Mine is working so I do not need it. I told him I could have it delivered to him, he did not want that. Said they may damage it, whatever.
I said well, I want you to get it a.s.a.p. Not to be mean, just cause I dont want him to have a way in yet again to screw up my life.
He has not contacted me since, other than when I texted once friday eve to ask if he possibly told my previous ex to bother me once again. Reason was, he started texting again and he had not since the last time me and this guy started dating again. I found that to be a very eerie concidence. I know it sounds really messed up, but I was freaking out at the contact, and the times that these guys seem to get in touch with me are dead on, almost to the day, so I freaked.
Anyway, the last ex texted back..Hell no. I dont even know him. Dumb Question.
I had to agree. It was and I felt dumb for texting him. It is just this man before him was very abusive and it scared me when he popped up and I reacted before I thought. I then texted back an explantion and a apology, which of course did not recieve and text back.
So of course I felt like a dumb butt.
Anyway, I texted a final, I am sorry and I will be changing my number, which I plan to today as it is a business phone. If he plans to get his mower he has the business number he can call to arrange when to get it.
I guess my question is finally...sorry...why am I so jumpy? He is not bothering me? He is busy with her to my knowledge and both live in another town. I have nothing of his that is valuable and it is not like with gas prices he is going to be doing drive bys or stalking me? I deactivated my facebook.
I guess I am just wondering why I feel like even though he says it is over and he has not attempted to contact me..I feel so edgy?
Anyway, I guess my question is this. We share no property, no lease, no children, do not live in the same town. The things I left there I told him to just throw away or burn, and I will with his. ( nothing of importance) The only thing I have of his is outside and he brought it here as mine was broke down at the time, a riding mower. He wanted to have the storage anyway and has another one so he does not need it.
Mine is working so I do not need it. I told him I could have it delivered to him, he did not want that. Said they may damage it, whatever.
I said well, I want you to get it a.s.a.p. Not to be mean, just cause I dont want him to have a way in yet again to screw up my life.
He has not contacted me since, other than when I texted once friday eve to ask if he possibly told my previous ex to bother me once again. Reason was, he started texting again and he had not since the last time me and this guy started dating again. I found that to be a very eerie concidence. I know it sounds really messed up, but I was freaking out at the contact, and the times that these guys seem to get in touch with me are dead on, almost to the day, so I freaked.
Anyway, the last ex texted back..Hell no. I dont even know him. Dumb Question.
I had to agree. It was and I felt dumb for texting him. It is just this man before him was very abusive and it scared me when he popped up and I reacted before I thought. I then texted back an explantion and a apology, which of course did not recieve and text back.
So of course I felt like a dumb butt.
Anyway, I texted a final, I am sorry and I will be changing my number, which I plan to today as it is a business phone. If he plans to get his mower he has the business number he can call to arrange when to get it.
I guess my question is finally...sorry...why am I so jumpy? He is not bothering me? He is busy with her to my knowledge and both live in another town. I have nothing of his that is valuable and it is not like with gas prices he is going to be doing drive bys or stalking me? I deactivated my facebook.
I guess I am just wondering why I feel like even though he says it is over and he has not attempted to contact me..I feel so edgy?
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
He ended up going back to his ex girlfriend, who he kept on standby as friends (most likely never stopped seeing) when we didn't work out as he wanted, just last Wed, he dumped me via phone call, with the but we can be friends speech. I was shocked as just the prior weekend, we were going to not throw what we had away, we were scheduled to fly to California, I was the one with cold feet and he was even supposed to come see me that weekend until our communication broke down.
I still second guess myself I suppose, but even if I had been willing to go along with every single thing or flip around to every command made of me, if he was seeing her the whole time, and I live in another town, she lives just one block from him and I can't be with him 24/7, well, I just dont see how I could of made this work? I figure anytime I did not make MYSELF available, she could and did..as long as he did not have to be faithful to a partner, why should he?
Yes, I imagine I am grieving the promise of the man who said all the nice things to me, I adore you, I love your company, your smile, waking up to you, (just not you is what he didnt say I suppose) and just because he missed me really did not mean anything, he may of missed her as well, when she was gone..her smile, etc...
As for the mower, he did not say he didnt want it, just that he is TOO BUSY to come get it right now and does not want ME to take it or deliver it to him. He will come get it. That is what is bugging me, it keeps that part of him there, if that makes sense?
As for facebook, I have it deactivated and am trying to keep busy with work, on here for support and I am working on changing my number for the second time..
As for friends, I live a pretty isolated life, hence why he chose me in the first place and why he got me back. :(
Get yourself out, take up a hobby if you can. Do all you can to keep yourself busy. Remember, you are worth more than this man can offer you. He always knew he was never good enough for you, which is why he kept his ex on standby. Be strong, and if you cant be strong, come on here and talk to people. x
Not sure if I said, but this man was one of the first to open doors for me, take me to a very nice resteraunt and pull a chair out, seem to be confidant in asking for preferential treatment by staff, take charge at his business, and in getting things done he is a " typhoon". I guess it is almost as if you wilt in his prescence if that makes sense, and he is so good at pretending to adore you in public as well, not sure how to explain that..saying things like I better keep an eye on you, all the men are eyeballing you, better keep you close. Your such a doll. DId i mention your about a perfect ten? ( That insulted me..in the way that I feel you do not rate people, when I said that to him, he said, well how would you rate me? I wouldn't rate him)
He always liked to ask me what I liked about him and I honestly couldnt answer, other than his mind. Sadly it was his mind that was so dangerous. :(
He was very good..he would tell me how intelligent I was then say, I don't know why you are to dumb to program the coffeepot? Or say you are so beautiful but I dont know why you won't eat better or take better care of yourself? Things of that nature...Meanwhile he smokes cigarettes, other things, pops pills..has had botox, yet if I mention it..I am wrong to even think of it?
Anyway..I will try to stay strong and post on here and stay off facebook as even though I removed his friends and never accepted his friend request, it is too social, don't want to risk it. Plus I am afraid I will want to look her up and he is just cruel enough to post photos of her and him to antagonize me. Oddly enough out of respect for her, I never posted any photos, or mentiioned him, even though I was led to believe she was an ex. I don't believe in being cruel. I wish others would be that way.
Thank you again so much for your kindness in answering...
Why are you edgy? My best guess is that he has to some extent "trained" you to be edgy, trained you to always be aware of his moods, his thoughts, his wishes, and now that you are not in regular contact with him, that big part of you that was required to be totally focussed on him is looking for something else to do, is unsure what to think, is unsure what you should be doing because what you did and thought and felt was so wrapped up in him. It will pass. But you do need to get rid of that mower, the last tie to him. I would bet he will not come to pick it up. He doesn't need it, so what's best for him is to leave it where it is, as one last tie to you. He's very good, it seems, at keeping a little hook, just in case he wants you later.
So get rid of the hook. Tell him he has 7 days to come pick it up, following which you will dispose of it. And then do so.
He sounds a lot like my first H - very charming, highly intelligent, and although he doesn't say nasty insulting things outright, he manages to make you feel bad by the way in which he compliments you. That's really REALLY hard to see through.
You deserve better. There ARE good and wonderful people in the world - men and women. Don't give up on the world because of a few bad ones.