Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I wish I could say I feel better, but I really feel worse, more confused and more out of sorts then I thought I would be...
As I said in a prior post I made the decision (hardest thing I have done), that I can no longer go on with my marriage. I told my husband and I also posted about his response, splitting cost of tummy tuck, his request for sex without emotion etc. etc.
Since I told my husband he has now taken full ownership of his emotional abuse and has vowed to me he is going to request that his psychologist (the one who told him seeing family 2 times per month was a lot.....) that he wants to focus on getting help for his emotional abuse..... WHAT?!?!
I hate to even admit this but I just wish he wouldn't. I wish he would stop being nice to me, I wish that he would just be the way he used to be, it is almost as if he changes (which I am not sure if he will) I would feel guilty about my decision. I am not in love with him anymore. I have no desire to work on my marriage. I have begged and pleaded with him for years to change, telling him how unhappy I was and why and he told me just last week "I'm not placing blame but its not like you forced m to go to counseling, if only you would have done that".
What are the chances that he will get better, seriously? Why do I care? Why is this so hard? Why is what I want and what I feel not enough? Why can't it just be ok that I am done and don't ever want to even take the chance of him abusing me anymore? Why everytime he opens his mouth do I think that it is an attempt to manipulate me?
Anyone else get to this point in the relationship and feel this way? Any advice?
As I said in a prior post I made the decision (hardest thing I have done), that I can no longer go on with my marriage. I told my husband and I also posted about his response, splitting cost of tummy tuck, his request for sex without emotion etc. etc.
Since I told my husband he has now taken full ownership of his emotional abuse and has vowed to me he is going to request that his psychologist (the one who told him seeing family 2 times per month was a lot.....) that he wants to focus on getting help for his emotional abuse..... WHAT?!?!
I hate to even admit this but I just wish he wouldn't. I wish he would stop being nice to me, I wish that he would just be the way he used to be, it is almost as if he changes (which I am not sure if he will) I would feel guilty about my decision. I am not in love with him anymore. I have no desire to work on my marriage. I have begged and pleaded with him for years to change, telling him how unhappy I was and why and he told me just last week "I'm not placing blame but its not like you forced m to go to counseling, if only you would have done that".
What are the chances that he will get better, seriously? Why do I care? Why is this so hard? Why is what I want and what I feel not enough? Why can't it just be ok that I am done and don't ever want to even take the chance of him abusing me anymore? Why everytime he opens his mouth do I think that it is an attempt to manipulate me?
Anyone else get to this point in the relationship and feel this way? Any advice?
Please don't let him bury you, or snow you with his list of manipulations. Please think of yourself. I think at this point, I would run like hell.
Why should you give him another year that you can't get back???
I hope you stand strong with your decision. You will be so much happier in the long run.
I wish you the best and all the luck.
((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
Keep up the clear-headed thinking, Confused! Your handle doesn't fit you at all now, it seems to me. You seem well on track to sorting it all out, and all of us are here to help with that. :)
I was one of the ladies who mentioned children. I am not living anyone's situation but my own and It is not my intention to make anyone feel guilty.
My husband IS abusive in specific ways, which of course is not the ideal situation. BUT I am not afraid of him. He is not violent and the benefits of staying.. which for me are first and foremost the comfort and security of my children. I of course am not miserable.There have been moments when I processed his abuse in a way that I DID feel horrible and sad... but those days are gone. I am very joyous and vibrant, but it's not because he has "changed" it's because I have changed my thought process. Is it the ideal oh so romantic, wonderful marriage by societies standards? No Way.. but there is good and bad in everything and I live one day at a time and I appriciate his good qualities and deal with his bad qualities in a strong, non victim way. I don't expect anyone else to want what I want or to be able to view things the way I view them.
I recommend books by Patricia Evans and Nina Brown because those books helped me so much.
We can only come here and OFFER advice. Even Dr. Phil says.. "I would never ask you to subsitute my judgement for your own"
We are all here to vent & connect with people who can relate. Who knows what sentence might spark a thought to be pondered.
Have a good day!
I also have 3 children. I also tried to keep it together for as long as I could because I wanted that 2parent upbringing for my kids. I also had to endure the constant circular nonsensical one-sided dialogue that went absolutely no where. I too was so confused that I doubted every step I took but took them anyway because I had to end the crazy fog like feeling I was living in. I also have to grief the death of my dreams and future as I had planned it to be.
You and I are works in progress. Make your own decisions based on your own life. It's scary, yes, I know. But what I know from everyone here and in counseling is that its so worth it to live your days without abuse.
Be kind to yourself,
Seawee
But anyway about what he's been saying, well it's ironic when he says he's changed but he's abusing whilst he's saying he's changed!!!
Look my ex, he used to do this, all he wanted was for me to forgive him and trust him again, he would promise me the absolute earth and I used to give in to him a lot ! But he never changed he just wanted me to put my trust in him just simply for the sole purpose of him then being able to wrap me around his little finger and get to my vulnerable side so he could abuse me more and trap me more, every time I gave in and trusted him the web got tighter, and also for me I felt like a fool, a failure and an idiot for believing him so I would stay and try harder just because I wanted it to work (I'd try to get him to see to realise) but abusers Hun, they just want to have power over you, and they will promise u the earth because of one fact that they r aware of......when u try again your opening and willing to let an abusive person abuse you! (In their eyes) its like a free pass, so long as they can convince u to stay they have you! If u realise that u don't have to put up with it and u can chose to walk away they crap their pants because your beginning to see throu the illusion that they have fought so hard to create!
So they will say and do anything they can think of to get u to volunteer to stay!! Then to them you are even more weaker so its even more easier (conscious free) for them to assert power over u!
One thing I've realised lately is that in life u don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to, u only have to do what is necessary to prevent things being brought to you that don't fit into what u accept!
If there is a change that needs to be made, let it be u that makes that change because in doing so u r taking control of your own life.
Everyone needs to make changed in life, it's part of life's natural flow, the change can be big or small but ultimately if anyone tried to stop u from making that change or forces you to feel guilty for making that change then that is abuse!
You are not happy in this relationship because he abuses u continuely, he isn't going to stop because that's how he lives his life, by controlling others to make himself feel in control of laid own life. So it's your choice and imagine you've never heard his annoying voice and all those pathetic excuses and promises and claims and think of this,,,,, without his voice, what's is your choice? What had u already decided? And there's your answer,,, go and live your life, it's waiting for you!!!